Thursday, August 03, 2006

Suffer The Little Children...Forbid Them Not!

In Memory Of Aaron Bullard
The world has gone mad...nobody ever takes time to stop and think what if... Nobody ever takes the time to care about the other person that may be less fortunate as others. Somewhere it is written, that we are not promised another day. Again, it is written, the past is gone, the future hasn't happened, and the present is a gift...thats why its called the present.
Do you let the sun set on your anger? Is there someone in your past that you have hurt, even though you feel justified in your anger toward the person? Have you become angry at your child, and failed to give he/she that hug before bed? Have you forgotten in your mad dash to start the day, to tell them you love them before they leave for school, work?
After you read this, you will maybe think twice about forgetting to do those things.
Last year, a friend of my oldest son, in a heated argument with his Father, was told to leave his home. Although 17, he was a child..people seem to think because a teenager reaches the age to date, shave, smoke and do all of those crazy things that we all have done at one time or another...that they cease to be a child. How many Mothers can look upon their grown children and not see the little curly haired two year old, the thumb sucker holding his blanket, beneath the long haired, bearded look of the present? Thats what being a Mom is all matter how old...they will always be Mom's babes.
Children are gifts, to be nurtured, taught and loved..if we fail in doing those things, do we push them aside, when they dont live up to our expectations?
Although, most of you know where I stand religiously, somewhere in the New Testament of the Christian bible, a story is told about God/Goddess' love for their children. Do you think because we make mistakes, fail or totally screw up our lives with wrong choices, bad decisions, we get kicked out of the "Eternity Club"?
I'm sure some christians would have you believe that if you do this or that, you will burn in a fiery torment of hellfire and brimstone...which is mere myth, not to mention the focus of cartoons and horror flics and a control mechanism devised by the early church fathers.
Don't believe so!! We are children of the God/Goddess...and we are loved unconditionally...which means, no matter how many times we fall down along our path, screw things up, they somehow pick us up...brush us off and somehow guide us onward. That doesn't mean that we do not suffer the consequences of our actions, although, if we realise our errors, I believe things go a bit smoother for us!! Can we as parents, do any less for our children?
Last year, late in the evening, a knock came upon my door. All of the family was asleep, and I was heading toward the bed myself. It was a very cold wintery night, unusually cold for Wilmington, and worse, it was raining.
Standing at my door, soaking wet, shivering was a friend of my older son's, who had walked nearly 6 miles to get to my home. This child was a child caught up between the judicial systems "Joint Custody" snafu.
The Mother expressed to me that she couldn't afford to support him, as she had a boyfriend, and another child and couldn't allow him to live with her.
The Father, who had a girlfriend with several daughters living at home, had just kicked him out. Evidently, there was a problem, as he felt neglected, and a party to impartial treatment by his Dad. He expressed to me that his Dad use to take up time with him, but now he never had time for him. So there were some issues...but still..he was a babe, walking around in a 17 year old young man's body...turned out into the world, as a ploy to teach him a lesson.
Such a harsh lesson for a teenager, with problems. Its a scary world..and for a young person who is not ready to face that world, its a nightmare!
A long time friend of my older son, Nick, he turned to me, and asked could he spend the night at my home. Everyone in my neighborhood knew that I would never turn a child away, and most of the parents that seemingly used the same ploy trying to teach their kids a lesson...telling them "If you can't follow my rules, theres the door"...could easily find them at my home, the safe haven for the refugees of the neighborhood.
It was only a few years ago that two teenagers were found murdered in a field, nearby my when kids were out late, I was concerned. I couldn't turn this kid away...
However, this child was still in school, and it was Sunday evening, and he didn't go to the same school as my children, so there was another problem.
He was a very bright kid, academically advanced and most of all very polite. Now...he could have been the terror of the town, away from me, but I never had any trouble from him, and couldn't ask for a nicer kid.
We talked for awhile, and I gave him some medicine for his cough and sent him on his way to my sons room. While we were talking, I asked if he wanted me to call his Mom and he shook his head and said "no, it won't do any good, she won't let me come home".
This was just not something I could relate to, as if my older boys were out late I would be on edge until they returned home. I just couldn't imagine a Mother, turning a son away.
Nonetheless, I called her and left a message on her voice mail, expressing that her son was at my home, and needed a place to go and medical attention.
When I called the Father, he said that the boy couldn't come back home and that since he was at my home and had a place to stay for the night that tomorrow I would find all of his belongings in my front yard. When I told the Father that the boy was sick, he said this was my problem I just hung the phone up...thinking that was not going anywhere.
His Mom never returned the call, and the next morning, I had to go to work, and my children left for school. This child was sick and needed to be seen by a Doctor.
Infuriated by the neglect of the parents, I asked the boy where his Mom worked...and proceeded to call her there. When I finally got through the security of the plant that she worked in...they connected me to her supervisor. It took nearly 30 minutes to get to her supervisor, and the clock was ticking...I was going to be late for work. Her supervisor stated that unless it was an emergency she could not be called to the phone, and thats when I couldn't hold it any longer. I expressed to him my apologies and that her son was at my home, sick...needed medical attention and that my attempts to get her to return my call were to say the least ignored. He said he would tell her.
Within 5 minutes, she called me back, threatening me, for calling her on her job. When I asked about her son, she his Father. Finally, the authorities located the boys Grandmother who allowed him to go with her.
These people were christians..this Mother was a Southern Baptist Mother.
Its written somewhere, that Jesus said...Suffer the little children to come unto me, forbid them not. And there is another verse that states...and if you do as much for one of these, you have done so unto me.
Well, the reason that I am writing this story, is because two weeks ago, this child was killed in a car accident very close to the neighborhood I use to live in. Its alleged that a drunk driver passed illegaly and resulted in a head on collision.
It's broken my heart, that he had such a short time on this earth..and in talking to others, have learned that he had finally gotten his life together and was happy.
He gave me a gift one day, and I won't ever forget it. He overheard me saying that I liked the music of Daryl Hall and John Oates, and surprised me with a limited edition double CD. He said it was a gift for his special Mom.
Just remember, never let someone you care about leave without giving them a hug. Don't let the sun set on your anger with someone. We are not promised another day treasure the moments you have with those that you love, and remember that once upon a time you were their age also, making stupid mistakes, learning lessons that you felt were so unfair.
Its very difficult for youth today, as they are faced with many stresses that we as parents never had to deal with. Children today, used as drug messengers, guns brought to school, educational funds diminished!!
Public Education has taken a downhill turn and more and more parents are placing their children in private schools.
Academically Gifted children are fed dosages of ritalin, turning them into mindless zombies, to slow their minds down because nobody wants to take the necessary time to spend one on one with them. Super intelligent kids, but deemed problem children.
Mental energy, when not used turns into nervous energy. The child is restless, bored in school, unable to focus, and this leads to impulsive behavior, which generally turns into disciplinary problems.
Have you been to a high school lately? Would you want to be a teacher in high school? There isn't enough money to pay me to sit in a class room! Teachers are shown complete disrepect, threatened, attacked with abusive language. This comes from children that are not taught respect at home.
The children are sent to school, expecting the school to teach them, and that is not a part of the curriculum. Come on people, get a grip...stop using the schools as babysitters and focus on your children. Buy them a piano, a guitar...let them take gymnastics...STIMULATE THEM!!!
Talk to them, listen to what they have to say for a could learn something. When they ask you questions, that you think are off the wall..stop and take the time to answer them. My twelve year old is a quick mind gemini, ruled by Mercury, inquisitive and loves to ask questions and give insights. You would be surprised how wise some of these little creatures are...when you take the time to hear them out.
My parents never told me to "shut up", and to this day...that is something that I look at very hard when I hear another parent say that to a child...or to anyone. It is very rude, and something southern people do not do..unless the are ill bred. You are actually telling a person, that you do not want to hear what they have to say, that you have no absolutely no respect for their thoughts..which in effect is showing disrespect for that soul. Think about that the next time you tell someone to "shut up".
How many of you were that young boy or girl who had no place to sleep? Think about it.....think about the arguments that you had with your parents...did they turn you out in the cold? Did they refuse to allow you to come home?
How many times, in the heat of an argument did they say..."If you can't follow the rules, get out", or better still..."This is my house, and as long as you live under my roof, you will follow the rules of this house, and if you don't like it, you can leave"? Thats a good one! I remember that one...generally by the time that line comes along, you realise that you'd better shut up, back up and regroup. Sure, you may go through the motions of packing your stuff, making a mess in your room, realising all the time that you aren't going anywhere, and you will spend the rest of your evening, cleaning up the mess you are making.
Kids, no matter how old you are....generally your parents are right. Sadly, some of the times, the issues they target are the ones that you are most connected to. Most of the time, your choices of friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, hangouts are the targets.
Listen to them..they see beyond what you see. This is how I explained it to my children...and nope, it didn't always work...but I planted the seed, hopefully it will sprout someday. Using visualisation skills and a small box, with colored sides. Place the box in front of them very close...and ask them the color of the sides of the box..impossible to see all of the sides of the box as its being held close to your eyes..but when you pull it away...and observe from different angles, the sides become viewable.
Its not easy to see our lives because we are so engrossed in the issues, but when we pull away and view our actions, we get a different perspective and generally thats what parents do...they see things that kids can't see. This is an adult issue to...not just with kids. Some adults can back up and regroup...others can't. Get a box...practice!
So basically, what I'm trying to say...when you love someone let them know. Don't go to sleep at night with ill feelings toward someone you care for. If you have children, never let them go to sleep without closing the day with a hug or telling them you love matter how old they are.
Remember we were their age at one time...and its not easy being a kid...and if we as parents, aren't careful, we can make it very difficult for them to become an adult.
Aaron, wherever you were loved by your special "Mom

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