Saturday, September 17, 2016

21st Century Job

Sadly, we never know when misfortune will affect our very intimate lives. Sometimes the nature of man can be cruel. Maybe at some point in your life, You have been driving down the highway of life, just cruising....then BUMP! Everything changes... Consider this modern day scenario:

Enter, model husband, father and provider!

Pillar of the community, great friends, and caring neighbors. Beautiful wife, Good Mother, terrific children! You are well respected in your community and above all, you attend church quite regularly and pay your tithes each week. You have an excellent career with a good income and best of all, You live the American Dream..."Money in the Bank!!!

Your life is running smooth, no conflicts, except the usual minor everyday minor conflicts and mishaps that occur in most families. God has blessed you with abundance, nice home in the suburbs, two SUV's, a Harley in the garage. Life is Great! You have given your family a strong sense of security and everyone glows with an aura of good fortune!

You are well known as the icon of hospitality, throwing lavish dinner parties, barbecues, inviting your friends and neighbors over for steaks on the barbie, grilled shrimp, kegs of beer. The guys all gather at your house to watch the game on your Big Screen TV. You're known to friends, family and colleagues as the "Refuge From The Storm", coming to the rescue of your friends and family in need, such as your best friend, recently recovering from surgery and out of work.

He couldn't return to work until the doctor released him, so you give him some cash to tie him over, and tell him not to worry about repaying, that it's a gift! Another friend, who just landed a terrific job in the IT industry, hits you up for a loan, to keep afloat, while he waits for his first paycheck! Your sister, recently widowed, who never worked outside the home, and has been swamped with medical bills, funeral expenses, asks to borrow a few thousand....and of course, its your sister, you can't refuse!

Your phone is always ringing off the hook, friends are always dropping in on you, and sometimes you feel if you had only five minutes alone, in silence, you would be blessed among men! You try to screen your calls, but find that no longer works, because...THEY KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

Deep down, you are not a loner, you love the company. You know that God has blessed you and you live by his laws, and have brought your children up likewise. Then all of a sudden, without warning, you hit a pothole of misfortune! You wake up, just like any other day, same routine, quick shower, quick glance at the weather on the tube, grab a cup of coffee, kiss the wife, kids...out the door and head off to your place of work.

You think about the week ahead, your projects at the job, the honey-do list the wife gave, perhaps a family outing you're trying to plan....traffic is horrible, as usual! You arrive at work and before you can even get through the door, your boss calls you in the office. He begins the conversation by stating "This has nothing to do with your performance and that he wished that there was something he could do but his hands were tied...continuing, he talks about changes in production, explaining due to NAFTA or some other lame excuse, your job has been eliminated....in other words, you have been canned!

Before you have time to absorb what was said, he continues talking, now apologetically, assuring you that this decision was difficult to make, and that you will receive severance pay and a letter of reference. You sit there for a moment, speechless, shocked, and slowly get up and walk out of his office.

This is not the way to start the week, you are thinking...and you proceed to clean out your locker, desk and leave the building, extremely confused, yet trying to relate to the last 15 minutes... "15 years I have worked for that man, and in 15 minutes, he takes away my livelihood, my sustenance, my house payment, car payment, utilities and the food that is needed to feed to my family, this is the worst day of my life.

Has he forgotten all of the times that I have stayed over to ensure production quota's were met, due to manufacturing problems that were out of my control? Does he remember that I am the one that postponed my vacation to start-up a new contract? Nope, this is definately not my day, month...or year!!! You are driving home, still faced with commuting traffic, and you realize that you are getting closer to home.

You're now confronted with facing the family, wondering how do you break the news to your "Shopaholic" wife, and your two children that look forward to their weekly allowance to splurge on DVD's, Ipods, Mickey D's, and whatever else they can find to do with their money? You feel a sense of gloom and dread cover you. Here you are, the person they rely on, the person they look up to....you are their "ROCK"...and suddenly you are "broke" or heading down that road at a rapid rate of speed.

Your wife is doing what she usually does at that time of the day, and is startled when you come through the door... "Are you feeling ok", her first response, as you never miss work. Actually, you feel very bad, but you manage to say, "Yeah, I'm alright!" She doesn't respond, but just stands there holding the wand, with the vacuum on temporary shut-down waiting...gazing... It was simple, I was home because I was fired, but I could not find the words to just blurt it out!

No, I was not afraid of this woman holding a vacuum cleaner wand, but having never been out of work, it wasn't something that I had experience in doing. "Honey, the boss grabbed me before I could even get to my office and get a cup of coffee. My job no longer exists, I have been terminated"! She continues the gaze, shifting the wand to the other hand, placing her free hand on the back of the sofa as to brace herself..."You're kidding me, Right"? "Please, I wouldn't kid about something like that", I said. Suddenly I'm hit with what seems to be immeasurable questions .

"Why"? "Was it something you did or didn't do, Did you have a warning? "No, No, it was unavoidable, something to do with the manufacturing, NAFTA, I don't know...I'm not the only one, there was a couple of other guys that are in the same boat....still hasn't really sunk in yet?

She quickly responds, "Did you tell him that you are a dedicated employee, have been there for 15 years, and you at least deserve"..."Honey, look, this is a bad world, nothing is promised or guaranteed in the workforce", I interrupted her, "He said that I would receive severance pay, and a letter of reference", hoping that would reconcile her momentarily. "Hmmm,well God Bless him, and isn't he the generous person", she retorted sarcastically. "Great, I'm feeling really bad right now, I feel worthless as a man, and what I really need from you right now is compassion, understanding and above all love.

Things happen and I do not know the why's or wherefore's but that does not change anything, I am without a job. This means that we will have to take measures to be more conservative and handle this as a temporary setback." I continued with "It's important that everyone co-operates in this, and I really need you to be supportive of me in my decisions, ok?" She began to cry, "What are we going to do"? We have bills due, bills that will be due, and I haven't even done the grocery shopping this month"?

Reassuring her, "We'll be fine, just have faith that God will see us through this", I said. "If he leads us to it, he will get us through it". "Alright, but this is pure madness, what about the children"? This evening we will hold a family meeting, short and brief, and explain that everyone's lifestyle has to undergo current modification, due to this recent change in finances. So later that evening, after dinner, we convene in the living room, without the TV or any interruptions....and I proceed to bring my own version of the "Headline News".

They all sit staring at you blankly with their mouths open, yet not saying a word. It's almost like you are speaking to little birds that are waiting to be fed by Momma Bird...with the exception of junior, who has headphones on and is moving with the groove while you're talking! What's the use? "God giveth and he taketh away", you muster, hoping that somewhere in their upbringing they will see the spiritual behind the physical. You're thinking "He who hath ears, let them hear"!

Nonetheless, it's all in vain, because you have a 21st Century family that is caught up in the world at large, which relies on advertising, and the almighty "$$$$$". You have hope and try to convey this to the family, expressing to them that you are entering into a period of stormy seas, but you will try your best to steer and keep the boat afloat and each of them are crew members and are vital to the success of the voyage.

Still, they maintain the blank look on their face, and speechless...You call an end to the meeting and each person resumes their usual daily activities... So...you lose your job, and immediately hit the want-ads, sign up for unemployment, and by now you are registered with 25 Temporary Agencies that have hispanic receptionists that all seem to say the same thing "I sorry, but we have no work available right now, call back tomorrow!"

You try to stay calm, but find that nobody in your home is taking your plight seriously! Nobody but your wife....who, as usual, is right on top of things immediately! You call the bank and check your account...your direct deposit was interrupted and the company has yet to deposit your severance pay!

Therefore, the checks that your wife wrote to pay the bills have bounced, leaving an overdraft of over $400 plus insufficient charges debited to your account! Suddenly, in the pit of your stomach, you feel knots...then you break out into a sweat.....slamming the phone down you rush to the closest bathroom.....only to find a locked door with rap music blaring!

It's Junior, taking one of his "Long-Hot-Showers"! You barely make it to your wife's bathroom....and spill your guts, splashing all over her soft pink frilly commode cover! You regain your composure, grabbing a cold cloth to wipe away the cold sweat pouring off your brow and here someone in another part of the house. It's your daughter, Valley Girl Vicky who has invited five of her friends over for after school snacks, raiding the fridge and piling on the sofa, watching MTV! "They did not hear a word that I said at the family powow", you're thinking as you try and regain your composure, hoping that bathroom bout was over.

Weeks go by and you have checked in with all of the Temp agencies, have applied at the local hardware store, and spoken to the Newspaper about a paper route....still nothing. THE UNIVERSE HAS COMPLETELY CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATIONS TO YOU AND THE OUTSIDE WORLD. Your dearly beloved wife, who has begun a strange vigil of silence toward you, suffering from "Shopping Withdrawal" glares at you with an evil look, as to say....What did I ever see in you in the first place, you loser!

When you tell her to curb the daily meals down to a pot of pinto's and a pan of cornbread for the time being she softly replies sarcastically, "YOU'RE KIDDING AREN'T YOU"? You immediately become the "Private Eye" in your own home, checking the electric meter, turning off lights, unplugging appliances, monitoring the kids usage of TV's, DVD Players, Computers, X-Box, Playstations.... Your entire family, who earlier, smiled at you, hugged you, couldn't wait to see you every day....distances themselves from you. You're no longer, "Daddy"....you are "HIM"...you are no longer "Honey", you are now "HEY"!

Don't they know how you feel? You convene more and more to yourself, pondering about it all. You ask God..."Why me, Lord"? Your wife, thinking that you are shutting everyone and everything out....blares at you. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? YOU JUST CAN'T SIT HERE AND DO NOTHING! CAN'T YOU AT LEAST SAY SOMETHING...OR BETTER STILL DO SOMETHING..I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO SELL DRUGS...I NEED MONEY, WE NEED MONEY....THE KIDS NEED MONEY! Still, rather than argue, you continue in silence...pondering, searching, thinking about your life, thinking about the "ONLY" friend you have left.

No, you can't see him, he can't share a beer with you, or watch a game with you....but he's there, just a whisper away. You find yourself asking, Why me, Lord? You are confused, and can't understand why he has allowed this to happen to you and your family. A month goes by, then 8 weeks...your wife begins avoiding you, none of your previous friends are coming around, except the loser down the street, wanting to borrow a tool!

This guy never works, was born into wealth and just hangs out in the backyard always looking busy but never doing anything worthwhile! You find yourself watching what is left over at dinner, reminding the children that food is scarce, eat everything on your plate, and no snacking.

You glance at the teenage girl, reminding her to discontinue entertaining her friends until further notice. "Fridge is off-limits to non-household members"! It's now the middle of the third month since you lost your job and your daily walks, increase, sometime for hours, you walk and walk, just thinking and pondering...you visit your pastor and he just tells you to have faith...things will get better.

He asks, "By the way, I know this is not the best time to ask, but we are really pushing to get this Somalia Mission off the ground by next month, do you think you could manage a few dollars by next Sunday?" You're thinking, "No, He Didn't", and reply, "I'll speak to my wife and try to manage something", you say. "Did I really say that, geez, I'm a wreck"! You're bewildered, completely bummed out and feel that you can't even afford God's Help!

No money, no job, bills are due, bank is overdrawn, car payment due last week....you feel totally helpless, and do not have a clue as to what you will do. It's as if you have left planet earth, and are out of range of all communication with it's inhabitants. You have applied for over 40 jobs since your termination, not even a reply, nor a turn-down! You return home, disgusted, depressed and now feel the beginning pains of a headache about to happen! You notice nobody is home, not even the dog, who always barks when someone enters the backyard...Your wife's car is not in the garage.

You figure the wife has taken the Dog to the vet, maybe the kids are at friends, and the clock ticks away...it's night and still...no family! What's tonight? No...they can't be at church. You worry that they have taken the dog to the vet, yet adding to the outrageous bill from last month! You wonder how many other families have dogs suffering from depression? "Doggie Depression, wonder if he has any anti-depressants left"?

The phone rings and suddenly you are confronted with yet another unexpected problem....it's your wife! She gets right to the point and tells you that she is leaving you, because she can no longer tolerate your current attitude toward her and the children, in light of everything else! She has the children and YOUR dog! They have a place to stay, and "her" attorney will contact you.

You happen to look down at the phone and notice the number that she is calling from happens to be the number of the "Single, Good Looking, Best Friend that you just loaned all that money to"! You notice a folded note stuck to the fridge, and you open it! It's from her telling you that the monthly bills are paid, and she had to use all of the savings to accomplish that, so now you are really broke!

Depression has reached it's peak, not only have you lost your companion of life, but the single person that you vowed to love for the rest of your life, through sickness and in health, richer or "poorer", until you DIE!

But she has paid all of the bills to including the $600.00 Veterinarian bill, with the Christmas Savings and neglected to pay your CAR PAYMENT! You have no income, your car is about to be repossessed! But the rent is paid, electricity is on and you ...and you are ALONE with a huge MIGRAINE HEADACHE!

You go to the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet.....SHE TOOK ALL OF THE MEDICINE, even the ASPIRIN! Zero Meds, with the exception of one small plastic bottle of "MIDOL"! You think...maybe I need to get something in my stomach, yeah...hungry, you go to the kitchen and open the cabinet....one box of spaghetti pasta, one box of shake and bake, yes....Hamburger Helper there is hope!

You check the fridge and find the remnant of last saturday's game....about 15 hot wings, 3 Natural Lights, half gallon of tea, what appears to be greenish bologna with the edges curling inward, a quarter gallon of milk, with only 2 days left to expiration and an empty loaf of bread except for two end pieces. No Hamburger! To make matters worse, the phone rings and it's your wife's attorney inviting you to his office to discuss your new bill! CHILD SUPPORT and asks...."What would be a good day for you"? You cannot see beyond the next moment, but incoherently schedule an appointment for someday next week, which you can't even recall!

You call your best friend from childhood and get his answering machine. You leave this message of despair...COME TO MY HOME WHEN YOU GET THIS MESSAGE, WILL EXPLAIN LATER, THIS IS URGENT! You're thinking, He already Knows, EVERYBODY already knows your plight! Yes, and they even know about your wife and have known, that's usually the way it is, everybody knows but you!

You can't stay in the house, you feel like the walls are closing in on you, so you leave....just walking, not knowing where you are going. You feel like a zombie, between the worlds, neither here no there...you are trying to backup and regroup your life, before any of this happened. It's like living in a nightmare that you cannot wakeup...you feel sheer madness closing in on you....so you just keep walking, searching for an answer...down the street, maybe a block away, you come upon a street person, just standing on the corner, holding a sign, "Will Work For Food".

Your first impression is to cross over to the other side of the street to avoid this person who WANTS MONEY FROM YOU....but you just don't have the willpower to even attempt to do that. As you approach him, he appears to smile at you, and you're thinking "Ha, he's smiling because he thinks I'm going to give him some money, little does he know I HAVE NO MONEY".

"Good Afternoon, Sir, how are you today?" The tattered looking man greeted me and I managed to get a hello back to him and continued on past him. After I had strolled past him, I heard him yell at me, "God Bless You, Sir" That was the straw that broke the camel's back...I immediately turned around and walked back toward him....with a hundred thousand different emotions coursing through my broken mind at the moment....as I approached him, he still continued to smile at me and I responded to him, "What did you say"?

He said, "God Bless You, Sir"...and tears started streaming down my face and then I broke into this incredible sobbing episode...while this tattered old man took my arm and guided me toward a bus shelter and sat down with me.

For nearly an hour, I sat there pouring my heart out to this person who had no home, who had not appeared to have shaved in a month of sundays, whose clothes were tattered and torn and who was on the street begging for work just to buy food. He said to me, "Son, God loves you so much that he gave his only son that whosever shall believeth in him shall not perish but will have everlasting life".

He continued, "God has put you through a test of faith, my friend, just as he did to Job. It's not for us to wonder or second-guess why God allows things to happen to us, but we must trust that it's all necessary in his plan for our life. Look to God for your answers, not man, because everything begins and end with the good man above."

He asked me to pray with him and I bowed my head and let this old man lead the prayer and a peace came over me that reached into my heart. Afterwards, I got up and asked him to come with me to my home and share my food, which was nothing but the leftover items in the fridge. He politely declined, telling me to go home and get into the word of God and save my food. I reached into my pocket and all I had to offer him was my Grandfather's pearl handled pocket knife, and as he reached out to shake my hand, I slipped this heirloom into his. He once more, said "God Bless You, Son" and we departed.

When I arrived home, I went to my bedroom to get my bible and noticed that I had several messages on the answering machine. Ignoring the messages, I sat down in my favorite chair and opened the bible, turning to the book of Job. Immersed in reading of Job's misfortunes, I suddenly looked around me and saw my home, the pictures of my family on the mantle, and the wedding portrait of my wife.

Lowering my head, I prayed in submission to my Father in heaven, in the name of his holy son, Jesus, with all of my heart and soul. Without him, I was nothing, had nothing, and could obtain nothing worthwhile. I prayed for strength to endure the trials, courage to face my life with whatever he wanted me to have and forgiveneness of remembered and forgotten sins. My heart was full of praise to him, even in my misery, did I praise his holy name.

Time stopped for me, as I continued in the word for such a long time, reading and absorbing, praying and crying....until I closed the bible and got up to answer the phone. It was my daughter, she was crying and I could not understand what she was trying to say to me, except "We love you Daddy"!

The line suddenly went dead and immediately began to ring again. My heart jumped, thinking that it was my daughter calling me again, and it was my other best friend, from my childhood, whom I had left the message what seemed like months before. "Hi Buddy, how are ya"? My mind was in a momentary daze, where had this person been?

Surely he had heard...."Sorry, that I haven't gotten back with you but I have been out of the country. The new job has been hectic, they put me on a plane to Europe, the first week to settle a software glitch in the Belgium office and I just got back late last night. How's the family? Can't wait to see you, I brought some gifts for everyone and I have the money that you loaned me. By this time, I could barely talk to him, holding back even more tears.. He continued telling me he would stop by later, with a pizza and some beer, so we could do some catching up. Not really feeling like a beer, I half-heartedly laughed, holding back even more tears, telling him, "He'd better plan on staying for awhile, matter of fact, you better bring several "BIG PIZZA'S".

You sit for a moment, thinking about the previous phone call from your daughter, and remember to check your messages. Listening to message upon message from bill collectors, you delete them one by one, not really wanting to think about bills tonight.

A new message, with a familiar voice, it's the last person in the world that you expected to hear from...."Hey, I need you to call me when you get this message, if you can't reach me at the office, call my home, it's important"! It was my old boss and I'm thinking, "Imagine, the nerve of that guy, what on earth could he possibly have to say to me that could be more urgent than what he had already said"?

The next message was from my daughter, "Daddy, we love you and miss you". "Why haven't you called, are you alright"? Foregoing the message from my ex-boss for the time being, contemplating whether to even return the call or not, I call my friends house and my wife answers. "Hi, so glad that you finally called", she said. "The kids and I are fine, and we miss you so much", she continued. Before she could say anything else, I interrupted her, "I miss all of you too, but you left me, I am at home, and have been at home. You left me a note, remember, telling me that you were leaving me.

She started crying, "I did what I thought was best for everyone, especially the children. You were really worrying me, you changed into something that I just could not deal with, and you frightened the children. You were acting like a total stranger to us, critical of our every move in the home, insulting friends, and the children were in fear of becoming homeless and were losing their self esteem. "Your Attorney contacted me, too," I said, wondering if he was going to charge me for the appointment.

"I'm sorry, honey, but I didn't know what to do, I've been trying to think outside the box, for the welfare of the children." She replied. As much as I tried to avoid the next statement, I couldn't help myself, "So you pack up the kids and the dog and move in with MY FRIEND?" She responded, "Please don't go there, it is definately not what you think, he has not been here, he has been on the west coast and is returning this weekend." She continued explaining, "He called one day for you and after explaining to him what was going on, he offered his condo for the kids and myself to stay while you sorted everything out."

Agitated she asked, "Why, What are you implying"? Suddenly, my heart jumped! She asked again, "Hello...what exactly were you thinking"? I stammered.."Your note, remember?" "I am leaving you", I said. "And you thought... that I was carrying on with him"? Surely, after 15 years of marriage, you know me better than that," she replied. "So, you're coming home"? I asked wondering if I should call my friend to postpone his visit..."We can work through this problem,with God's help, anything is possible.", I said.

She replied, "I know, darling, the kids and I have been studying the word and praying every night that God will heal our family". It's rather late, and the children are ready for bed, we will be home in the morning". "Fine, I love you", I said. She whispered, "And we love you, too, Goodnight"!

The doorbell wrang, it was my friend, with "7 giant Pizza Extravaganza's" stacked up in front of him. "Grab these, while I get the rest of the packages from the car", he said.

In the meantime, the phone rang as I had reached the kitchen, the voice on the other end was my ex boss. "Man, you are hard to get in touch with", he said. "I've left message upon message for you and was beginning to think that you had left the country". Listening to him, I was thinking, he wasn't too far away from the truth"...as I had contemplated disappearing at one point.

"Look, I'm really sorry about what happened but we have had a new development in the organization and due to a merger, we have just expanded our product line and feel that you are the only person that can take on a project of this size", he said. Not wanting to be too eager, I hesitated before entering into the conversation and let him continue.... "The VIP's have given me complete autonomy in negotiating this deal with you and I am prepared to give you a substantial salary increase, an initial up-front bonus in the amount of $15,000.00, a reasonable profit margin, and a signed contract that will ensure your continued employment with this company. You don't have to give me an answer now, take the weekend to think it over and call me Sunday night with an answer. If you agree, be here Monday morning around 8AM to sign the papers and be ready to get it rolling, ok?"

"Sure, I'll give it some thought and get back with you, hey, thanks for calling", I said, feeling numb all over. My friend walked in with packages falling all over the place, "Here let me help you, what did you do, win the lottery", I asked? He replied, handing me over $2000.00 in cash, "Nah, just spent my bonus, couldn't forget my friends...so where's everyone, man I want to see their faces, when they they open these presents"! "They're over at a friends and will be returning in the morning, just spoke with the wife and told her you were coming by. They're looking forward to seeing you and hearing about your trip!" "So what's new with you, and what about that "Urgent" message on my machine"? "Yeah, that, sorry, just had a minor detour on the road of life, and needed to talk, but it's fine now! Couldn't help myself, but I said..."Man, do you ever pray"? He smiled..."Yeah, all the time, God is my Strength and my Redeemer, isn't he great"? "Yeah...he sure is, now tell me about that trip"!

&copy 2004 Deborah Nuckles
All Rights Reserved

Monday, August 29, 2016

The Whirlwind _ An Allegory


I leaned from the low-hung crescent moon and grasping the west pointing horn, looked down. Against the other horn reclined, motionless, The one they call , the Deliverer or Saviour, looking at me, but I was unafraid. Below me the hills and valleys were thick with humans, and the moon swung low that I might see what they did.
"Who are they?" I asked, for I was unafraid. And he answered: "They are the Sons of God and the Daughters of God."
I looked again, and saw that they beat, pushed and stepped on each other. Sometimes they seemed not to know that the one they pushed from their path fell under their feet. But sometimes they looked as he fell and kicked him brutally.
And I said to him: "Are they ALL the Sons and Daughters of God?"
And he said: "ALL."
As I leaned and watched them, it grew clear to me that each was frantically seeking something, and that it was because they sought what they sought with such singleness of purpose that they were so inhuman to all who tried to hinder them.
And I said, "What do they seek?"
And he answered: "Happiness.
I asked, "Are they all seeking happiness"?
"ALL", he replied.
"Have any of them found it"?
"Do they ever think they've have found it"?
He replied, "Sometimes they think that they have found it".
My eyes filled, for at that moment I caught a glimpse of a woman with a babe at her breast, and I saw the babe torn from her and the woman cast into a deep pit by a drunken man with his eyes fixed on a shining lump that he believed to be (or maybe to contain, I dont know), perhaps, Happiness.
And I turned to him, my eyes blinded.
I asked, "Will they ever find it?"
And he said "They will find it."
"All of them?"
"All of them."
"Those who are trampled?"
"Those who are trampled."
"And those who trample?"
"And those who trample."
I looked again, a long time, at what they were doing on the hills and in the valleys, and again my eyes went blind with tears, and I sobbed....
"Is it God's will, or the work of the Devil, that men seek Happiness?"
"It is God's will"
"And it looks so much like the work of the Devil".
He smiled.
"It does look like the work of the Devil".
When I had looked a little longer, I cried out in protest: "Why has he put them down there to seek Happiness and to cause each other such pain and misery?"
Again he smiled obscurely: "They are learning."
"What are they learning"?
"They are learning Life. And they are learning Love".
I said nothing. One man in the group below held me breathless, fascinated. He walked proudly, and others ran and laid the bound, struggling bodies of living men before him that he might tread upon them and never touch foot to earth. But suddenly a whirlwind seized him and tore his purple robe from him and set him down naked among strangers. And they fell upon him and mistreated him terribly.
I clapped my hands..as a child who was filled with joy.
"Good! Good!" I cried, happily. "He got what he deserved."
Then I looked up and and all of a sudden once again saw the inscrutable smile of the teacher.
And he spoke quietly. "They all get what they deserve".
"And no worse?"
"And no worse."
"And no better?"
"How can there be any better? They each deserve whatever shall teach them the true way to Happiness."
I was silenced.
And still the people went on seeking, and trampling each other in their eagerness to find. And a realization came over me..that the whirlwind caught them up from time to time and set them down elsewhere to continue the search.
And I said, "Does the whirlwind always set them down again on these hills and in these valleys?"
And he replied: "Not always on these hills or in these valleys."
"Where then"?
"Look above you."
And I looked up. Above me stretched the Milky Way and gleamed the stars.
And I breathed "Oh." and fell silent, in awe by what was given to me to understand.
Below me they still trampled each other.
And I asked him.
"But no matter where the Whirlwind sets them down, they go on seeking Happiness?"
"They go on seeking Happiness."
"And the Whirlwind makes no mistakes?"
"The Whirlwind makes no mistakes."
"It puts them down sooner or later, where they will get what they deserve?"
"It puts them sooner or later where they will get what they deserve."
Then the burden that was moments before crushing my heart lightened, and I found I could look at the brutal cruelties that went on below me with pity for the cruel. And the longer I looked the stronger my compassion grew.
And I said, "They act like men driven"?
"They are driven."
"What drives them?"
"The name of that which drives them is Desire."
Then, when I had looked a little longer, I cried out passionately: "Desire is an Evil thing."
But the face of the teacher grew stern and his voice rang out, startling me.
"Desire is not an evil thing."
I trembled, and my thought withdrew into herself into the innermost chamber of my heart. Till at last I said: "It is desire that drives men on to learn the lessons that God has set."
"It is Desire that drives them".
"The lessons of Life and Love?"
"The lessons of Life and Love."
Then I could no longer see that they were cruel. I could only see that they were learning. I watched them with deep love and compassion, as one by one the whirlwind carried them out of sight.
Copyright © Deborah Nuckles 1996
Do not copy or reprint without express permission

HerStory - Memories of the Past

In the beginning, there was no time. People wandered the earth searching for food, warmth and shelter. Ice covered the land. Slowly the ice began to melt and the long winter gave way to a fertile spring. As the sheets of ice retreated further and further northwards, the earth which they uncovered unfurled its green shoots. In the wide grasslands the first plants grew, followed by bushes and finally trees. The land became covered with grasslands and forests. Animals, birds, insects and flowers flourished. Eating berries and ripe fruits, the wanderers trapped animals and noticed the changing seasons, times of plenty and times of darkness. Traveling across the land they were guided by the sun during the day and by the moon and stars by night.
Afraid, and very small in so vast a land, the people looked to the sun and moon as their guides, as spirits which protected them. The sun always moved in the same direction and remained constant, but the moon, mysterious light of the darkness, changed her shape. Like the women in the tribe, she sometimes swelled as if full of spirit and at other times she was not there. The darkest of nights. People within the tribes, older women, young girls before their first bleed, began to take the light of the moon, who had become Mother, into their bodies, and young men took in the male god of the hunt, dressed in skins and horns. These sacred workers traveled into the Other world of shadows, spirit realms, where the moon kissed them and the sun warmed their bones and they were taught all mysteries. They knew how to fly with the dead ones and take their spirit home to the Mother. In the Other world they learned how to make the sacred drinks to heal the sick and to read omens for the hunt.
The People began to settle, at first in caves and later, as more families gathered together, they built huts of wood and stone and moved down on to the plains. As the communities grew, laws were made from tribal customs and the clan elders formed councils. Sacred potters made images of the Goddess, the Great Mother of All whose ample breasts and belly brought health and fertility to the tribe. Drawings were made in caves of the hunt, the gods of the chase, and the Old Ones who carried the sun and moon.
Millennia passed; the Old Ones became the Great Ones, their civilizations flourished: In Sumer, Egypt, Atlantis. They watched the passage of the stars, charted them and the divine science of astrology was born. They counted, and saw and recorded the sacred symmetry of numbers. Watching the souls of the dying and the incoming of the new-born, they followed the soul's passage through the many heavens. Studying sickness and health they theorized on the body and its relationship to the soul, and made healing plasters and elixirs. They looked for omens and auguries to make sense of the vicissitudes of their lives; the plagues, the floods, the curses and blessings. They named their gods and built shrines to them, and the shrines grew into temples and then whole cities were dedicated to the Goddess.
Great in their glory; the power of the Great Ones was awesome and terrible, and behind their lesser gods was the Cosmic Mother of All, whose breasts poured milk into the firmament and who birthed new stars, whose curved and luscious body was the very earth they trod on. Her undulations were the forest, grove, copse, and spring. Immanent, she was everywhere. In each rock, each leaf, in the lowliest animal and in the greatest. She nursed them all, brought them to life, held them as they grew, fed and protected them, and when their time was over, she took them back to her.
Burrows were made and stone circles, temples and high towers; she was worshiped in fields and groves, in towns and on the wildest shore. The land grew rich with grains, all manner of fruits and sweet wine, and with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air.
The Temples flourished. Priestesses of the Goddess, who had many names, presided over birth and death, the blessing of fields and the building of cities. They became rich, their rites more complex, their caste more separate. This was a Golden time when peace reigned. But as ripened fruit soon rots these idylls perished by fire and flood and bloodshed. Atlantis, the sacred island, was subsumed by a great wave, all its glory washed away like so much shingle. The primeval waters of the Mother washed away the greedy and corrupt priestesses, who, forgetting her, imagined her power was their own and used the sacred Kundalini fire for temporal things.
Tilted dangerously in the soft blue waters of the Mother, the world shifted on its axis, madly tumbling its helpless people into the fire of blood and iron.
Men came, hordes of them from the southern deserts, in wave upon wave, from the northeastern wastes. At first they fell under the spell of the Goddess, but as more and more poured in, wielding swords, raping and burning their way across the land, the rule of the fathers smashed the Mother's paradise. Everywhere the world went mad. The invaders moved downwards, and the tide of rape, pillage, and bloodshed was unstoppable. Omens didn't help, neither did sacrifices. Once begun, the hordes who knew no gods but war and no beauty but blood and iron, raped and pillaged and enslaved all women. Priestesses were hung by their hair in sacred groves, temples and shrines were burned, desecrated, defiled.
With fear and hatred they took over, and with an iron glove they ruled. There was no end to their audacity; they usurped the Mother Goddess and put a father in her place. The people were afraid. They gathered in fields, in market places, in shrines and caves, frightened at what the Mother might do, what terrible vengeance she might wreak.
Plagues came, wave upon wave of terrible sickness. People died screaming in agony on the streets; there was no God. Thousands upon thousands were choking own their own blood, with swelling, blackened limbs, deadly boils. The Black Death swept with the Reaper's cloak across the land. Crows picked the eyes off corpses and the Morrigan stalked the land. Hecate in her night time places urged rebellion. The pustule of the Father, which the people called love, burst open, spewing forth all manner of demons. People died in agony, crops failed, wars raged. God the father in his death-head mask replaced life. All hope was gone.
He had, they said, sent his only son, the Prince of Peace, avatar of love, but the men of the Father killed him too, like Odin nailed to a cross. The Prince of Peace, who overturned the money-lenders' sordid trade, and had his sacred whore, the Magdalene, closest to him. His words fell like raindrops on a parched desert; priests of the Father quickly kicked over the traces and carried on as before. Embodying the mirror image of love, their darkness knew no end, no depth too low for them to sink.
With force and fear they conquered and spread a putrid stain across the world. No corner was safe, they sailed to the farthest lands, the fairest people, and butchered them.
The Old Ones took to the hills, when persuasion and discourse failed. They moved away from the new cities of pomp and gilt, to the Mother's sacred groves and mountainsides. They hid and kept their counsel.
Fear kept them from writing. The Old Ones moved, roamed around, nomads again, telling their tales, curing and counseling. Speaking of ancient myths of sacred lineages they carried news from sacred groves to every hearth and orchard where a welcome waited for them and the Old Ways were kept alive. They still watched the stars and kept to the eight sacred festivals. Watching the moon move from dark to full, they calculated poetic meters, the names of the Goddess and the centuries that might pass before peace prevailed. They hexed and healed with incandescent verse and watched over their healing sisters as they laid out the dead, birthed new life and mothered the clans.
The darkness grew. The Father's men grew more afraid that the common people would not swallow the lie and did not set much store by empty rituals. Neither did the fine monuments or churches, nor the bones of saints move the heart of commoners. They looked for their Goddess and found a sterile Mary; a pale replica of the fecund thighs and belly and the wild, deep mysteries of the Mother. In small wells and shrines they worshiped. The priests danced alongside them at festivals, whose named they changed, in the hope the people might forget their origins. But the spirit had gone. Where was this love of God they preached? They listened to sermons of hell-fire and damnation, of their wickedness, their filthiness, their sin. But the people saw other things, the whorehouses the priests ran, and the wine shops. They saw the priests' wealth while they starved. They saw how their greed was like a canker, how they wore robes of the finest silk and satin, huge jeweled rings and crucifixes, and how they carried golden goblets and filigree salvers while the people shivered outside in coarse robes, shoe-less in the snow, with the tithes to be paid even if there was no food for the table.
War was declared against all unbelievers. Great armies, men, women, clerics, walked and rode to Jerusalem, the Holy City. They left behind a land starved and parched. These soldiers of Christ were promised blessings in the afterlife while their families starved and anarchy followed in their wake. The sacred world of the Goddess splintered further and further. The rich grew richer and brought untold wealth from far lands. They brought disease and famine.
As the Holy wars were fought, plague after plague decimated the people. They became angrier, more desperate and some planned rebellion, revenge against the All Powerful Mother brought low.
The people gathered in mountain groves, in secret caves, on beaches in the moonlight. They were afraid. This was the Mother's Curse, the land laid bare. Nothing prospered, no green shoots or chinks of light were seen. In despair they called to Her and other avenging Gods: Hern the Hunter, Hecate the Revenger, Themis the Wise. The Father God gave them no hope, offered only more pain and suffering in a dark place called Hell. Groups formed, societies, sororities of seekers after truth, who wished for peace, for a return to order and an ending to all the bloodshed.
The Father's men responded in kind, declared another war, a break between crusades and the conquering of Paradise. They declared all Witches should be burned, tortured, to the very limits of human endurance. Their money would fill the coffers of the church, and they would denounce their friends and family. Law after law was passed; there was no hiding place, Europe was aflame with the pyres of burning women. Children, pregnant women, the old were burned by the purifying fires of the Father. Half a millennium later nine million women were dead and society was rent from bottom to top. No woman was safe, not one.
Witch, Witch, Witch. An icy fear ran through the veins of each woman. It meant rape, torture and death by hanging or burning. But not before she had named twelve accomplices and watched her children tortured or burned before her eyes, screaming. The inquisitors grew fat, protected by their henchmen and armor beneath their robes. They went about in fear of revenge. Some few were indeed strung up by outraged families--but not enough. The inquisitors carried their evil into the New World, and tortured and killed their way across the continent.
The Wise retreated further, although the hills offered precious little protection. Family clans turned in among themselves, exchange stopped, no one talked or even looked the other in the eye. There was silence.
You cannot kill a people, a culture. It lives on, after the last person has been slaughtered. In the rocks, the trees, the rivers, in the very winds which moisten the land. The spirits wait in sacred hollows, in springs and rock pools until the bloodletting has finished.
Do Not Copy or Print without express permission from owner. All Rights Reserved.
©1996 Deborah Nuckles

Sunday, January 31, 2010

An Appeal To Religious Groups On The Subject Of Astrology

This is not in any way a condemnation of a persons belief structure or ideology, but rather an enlightening exposure to some issues that are pertinent to disclosing certain biblical facts that can prove that astrology is an ally of religion, specifically Judaeo-Christian beliefs.

As a young girl, I grew up in a Southern Baptist tradition, complete with church membership, Sunday School Teacher, Choir Member, etc), and Jewish heritage from my Paternal grandmother. As I got older, I became more aware of the abrasiveness that exists on the topic of Astrology and as a result, the failure of organized religions, particularly the baptist faith to *evolve* beyond the rigid, puritanical, old church fathers guidance, validates my departure from mainstream worship, today!

This in no way, refutes or disputes the validity of Christ, his teachings, his mission on this plane of existence. If anything, my work in astrology, deepened my that relationship. Throughout my studies of comparative religions, some dating back several hundred years ago, I have found that humanity, under the rule of the newly forming church, was more or less imprisoned by the structure of religion.

In the Old Testament, the Book of Numbers predicted that a Messiah would be born, and the sign for the Messiah is a Star; God would let man know the Messiah was here by the appearance of a Star. The Gospel of Matthew clearly states that wise men (Magi; i.e astrologers) came from the east to Jerusalem seeking the newborn Messiah because...they had seen his star in the east. Christian tradition has given a name to the star that the wise men saw...."The Star Of Bethlehem".

The simple fact of the matter is...both the Old Testament and the New Testament contain many references to Astrology. But unfortunately, interpretation of these references varies greatly. Actually, I'm not an expert on Biblical interpretation, although, its been a lifelong study of mine (Mars 9th house, Sagittarius rising), but in my opinion, there is a great deal of evidence that at least some of the original writers of the Bible were believers in Astrology; therefore, there is no valid reason to believe that Astrology is condemned by God. To the contrary, the Bible specifically says that God uses the stars to give us signs and knowledge. This is not to say that there are not some verses that could be interpreted as being against stargazing. But there are certainly more Biblical verses that approve of Astrology, or tell us that the stars are messages from God, that there are verses that could be interpreted to the contrary.

Its my opinion, that the verses that negate Astrology were in fact not meant to do so in the original language of the scriptures. They were directed not at astrologers of the Magi Mold, but rather against misuse by other beliefs.

At this point, I will use the analogy of Electricity...a powerful force that may be used beneficially or destructively. We may use it to heat our homes, cook our meals, provide lighting, energy, or...we may use it to destroy...as in electrocution.

Besides the fact that astrologers from the East were the ones who foresaw the birth of Christ and they are referred to as "wise men" by Matthew, the New Testament has some unmistakable references to astrology that can only mean that the writers were very knowledgeable about it; perhaps they were even practitioners. And why should they not be practitioners if Matthew referred to the Magi, who were astrologers, as "wise men"?

As far as astrological references in the bible...The first one that is very important is in the Book of Genesis. It says..."And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for the days and the years;" (Genesis 1:14)

"Let (the lights) be for Signs....some scholars have told us that the actual Aramaic translation literally is "let them be for signs of things which in the ordinary course shall come to pass".. Whether or not this is true, it is highly significant that the first purpose of the "lights" (Planets and Stars) was for "signs"; then after that...the purposes of the "lights" were for the "seasons", and for the days and years.

King David is attributed authorship of Psalm 19. I actually believe he was referring to Astrology when he wrote..."The Heavens declare the glory of God...Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge". What knowledge could you possibly get at night other than....knowledge derived from the stars and Astrology? Especially since night "sheweth" the knowledge. The only things are shown at night are the planets and the stars.

The Book of Job has always been my favorite study, for quite some time.

Here is a man, who is a pretty good fella, is righteous, wealthy, upstanding, abides by the laws of the land, loves God and does his will. He becomes a pawn...in the hands of the adversary and God...minding his own business, doing what he's suppose to do...and suddenly his life is one catastrophe after another. I'd wager...that either he was having a Pluto or possibly Saturn transit to the 1st house or the 8th.

First, the Sabeans attacked him and killed all of his Oxen and servants, except one. Another messenger comes and tells him that all of his sheep have been burned with the rest of his servants, another comes and tells him his camels have been taken, (The mode of transportation in that day), so he was without wheels...killed more servants..and ultimately another came and told him that all of his sons and daughters were partying, when a wind came and crushed the house and killed all the men.

Job, by now, a candidate for Ativan, forget Prozak...ripped his clothes off, shaved his head and fell down on the ground and worshiped God.

And he said. "Naked came I out of my mothers womb, and naked shall I return thither; the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

All that happened to him...he did not sin, nor did he blame God.

Even still..his trials were not over yet. The test continued with an attack on his health...Boils from the bottom of his feet to the top of his head. If that wasn't bad enough, his wife started in on him.

"Dost thou still retain thine integrity? Curse God, and Die." Job 2:9

Well, he actually told her that she spoke like a foolish woman, and asked her did she expect to receive everything good and never anything bad? (Transits and Progressions)

Still after all this..Job did not blame God.

His friends gathered around him, to help comfort him, which I'm sure given the nature of his suffering, was more like a persecution to him. His turmoil was beyond compare..his life was total devastation of a magnitude unbelievable. The man had lost it all, and now his body was stricken with infectious sores from head to toe.

This book is actually a good example of Karmic Retribution...inasmuch as even today, we see people, whom we think are the most upstanding, kindhearted, righteous people on the block, who seem to suffer calamity after calamity. Consider the baby born with multiple birth defects, the single mother stricken with Multiple Sclerosis...and we ask why? Why would such a loving compassionate God, strike his children with such affliction? Its an Eastern word..but is means the same as the parable of the sower...Karmic Retribution.

In Job's dialogue with Eliphaz, he observes that no one is ever completely sinless. In no uncertain terms Eliphaz upholds the theology of retribution. "Think about it. What innocent ever perished? Where were the upright destroyed? I have seen that those who plow evil and sow trouble reap the same. By God's blast they perish and by the heat of his anger they disappear. (4:7-9)

Another speaker...Bildad.. applies the theology of retribution relentlessly. He claims that Job's children must have been notable sinners to be treated so brutally by God. No doubt they died justifiably.

"Can God get justice wrong? Can Shaddai (Jewish ref for God) distort rightness? "If your children sinned against him, he delivered them over to the consequences of their violation. (Job 8:3-4)

Since Job is still alive, claims Bildad, he must not be too bad a sinner.

Then Zophar adds that Job must be suffering for his own sin. Even though Job will not admit it publicly, he must be a sinner.

"You say, 'My principles are pure, and I am innocent before you.' But if God would speak and talk to you himself, and tell you the secrets of wisdom--there are many nuances to wisdom--know that God is exacting less than you deserve. (Job 11:4-6)

Perhaps he's trying to tell him that Job should honestly face his sin and ask God for mercy.

Elihu speaks after Job's other three friends have had their say. He says that suffering is the way God communicates with human beings. It is the way God reveals that we are sinners and that he considers sin a serious offense.

"He opens their understanding by discipline, and orders them to turn away from wickedness. If they listen and obey, they will end up with good days and pleasant years. (36:10-11)

All four speakers maintain the theology of retribution in some way. Their approach is very much "top down." In other words, they hold a basic belief in retribution, and they try to square Job's experience with the theological principles they hold, rather than developing a theology out of human experience.

Karmic Retribution...works for me! Pluto and Saturn...are Karmic Planets...and the 4th, 8th, and 12th houses are karmic houses. Astrology states, where Pluto rests in your natal chart is where you are undergoing retribution from another age. My Pluto is in Leo..so I have brought back Karmic garbage from that era. Nobody knows...the karmic retribution they will encounter from day to day. We work through karmic debts with our friends, children, relatives, our mates, lovers. We work through challenges, personality conflicts..on the downside, and sometimes we get blessed with an abundance of good karmic rebounds..that's when we experience love, or close to it, the joys of friendship, the laughter of our children when they've achieved something special, or much needed hug from someone special. That's what its all about..its those bad times, that makes the good times feel so good.

All through that writing, about karmic retribution, I was peripherally thinking about some of the New Age trends..with channeling, psychic regressions, etc. Look, this is wrong..its not of God. God places the "Veil of forgetfulness" over our eyes when we come into this realm..for a good reason. We are not meant to know the details of our past...if we did, it would seriously alter our present, not to mention our future. We are just humans with free will, and do not have the capacity to delve in those areas...In astrological synastry...and natal placement, we can without a doubt, ascertain karmic ties within a chart...and depending upon the placement of certain planets and houses come to some kind of inclination as to the nature of the karmic tie. That's about all we need to know. Going further...would/could seriously alter our destiny and be out of accordance with Divine Providence (Gods will). Always..."Wait on the gates of heaven" is a good rule to follow.

Soon, Job had about all he could take...and finally opened his mouth and cursed not only the day he was born, but the day he was conceived... "Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived" Job 3:3

He really went into a deep dissertation...cursing his life, his entire world had become unhinged. Some of his friends were ragging him, persecuting him...driving him on and on, conducive to a "Everyone kicks you when you are down syndrome!"

Throughout the passages...we see a broken man, cast down, who by all practical purposes should have said..That's it..I'm checking out of here...but he didn't. He held his own, withstood the trials and tribulations that fell upon him...and God blessed him and restored his lot in life.

In that same book, in Chapter 9, Job makes reference to the constellations of the heavens. Its seemingly plausible that he as well, may have practiced astrology, or was quite knowledgeable of the stars. In his admonition of God almighty, in verse 9 "Which maketh Arcturus, Orion and Pleiades, and the chambers of the south"__Job Chapter 9:9

The above passage is one reason why, I incorporate fixed stars and constellations into my readings...its more in depth, albeit more time consuming, but its highly accurate.

The most profound chapter of the book of Job for me is chapter 38, when God speaks to Job. The content of that chapter is very powerful. God spoke to Job out of the whirlwind...probably blew his mind. ("Hey Job..wassup?")

Lets face it, Job and his friends have been in deep debate over this entire situation...and throughout the wailing and ranting...I'm sure God was ready to correct their attitudes explicitly. Come on, the fact is, God lets them know pretty quick...how incompetent they are to judge or know the whys and wherefore's of his actions.

Another fact that is quite astounding is the reference to the Great Pyramid. For those of you that do not know...and since this follows closely with the measuring of the earth... the Pyramid lies in the center of gravity of the continents. It also lies in the exact center of all the land area of the world...dividing the earth's land mass into approximately equal quarters. The north-south axis (31 degrees east of Greenwich) is the longest land meridian, and the east-west axis (30 degrees north) is the longest land parallel on the globe. There is obviously only one place that these longest land-lines of the terrestrial earth can cross, and it is at the Great Pyramid! This has substantiated my conviction that the origin of our belief was closely tied in with Egypt. The verse referenced below...should confirm that...but that's another page...!

"Where was thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare if thou hast understanding". Chapter 38:4

"Who hath laid the measures, thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it?" Chapter 38:5

"Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof; (undoubtedly meaning...the Great Pyramid) Chapter 38:6

Another Old Testament reference to the Great Pyramid is pretty inclusive, to say the least, as it does depict the placement.
(19)"At that time there will be an altar for the LORD in the middle of Egypt and a monument to the LORD at the border of Egypt.
(20) This will be a sign and a witness to the LORD All-Powerful in the land of Egypt. When the people cry to the LORD for help, he will send someone to save and defend them. He will rescue them from those who hurt them." Isaiah 19:19-20

Another area that depicts astrological constellations and the Zodiac (Mazzaroth=Animal Wheel)in the book of Job, is the following verse:

"Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades, or loose the cords of Orion? Can you lead forth the Mazzaroth in their season, or can you guide the (Arcturus in KJV) Bear with its children? Do you know the ordinances of the heavens? Can you establish their rule on the earth?" Job 38:31-33 RSV

The Bear is what we call the "Great Dipper," and it points unerringly to the north. (If you stay up all night in the open and observe the stars, you will see them wheel in an endless circle around the north.) So the Great Bear points to the north, and in Scripture the north is always seen as the seat of God, so that the whole universe seems to revolve around his throne. It is said...On earth, when a soul leaves the body, it journey's to the Big Dipper...rather, the northern most star, which I believe is "Polaris". Job is being questioned here as to how much he understands about this.

Now, even astronomy today does not understand this. There are mysterious objects in space we know nothing about. These great "black holes" are to us a puzzling, mysterious phenomenon that we have not begun to understand. So we cannot go much further than Job in the answering of these questions.

He goes on and on...referring to the treasures of the snow (Snowflakes, ever seen one through a microscope?) He mentions that in his storehouses of ice and snow...there is an energy that will be unleashed on the wicked at some obscure date in a future time...so evidently there is some kind of force or power behind the formation of hail, snow in the atmosphere, that scientists haven't got a clue about as of yet...and probably won't come close to figuring out.
Or, perhaps it has something to do with the polar regions of the earth...beneath the ice.

"Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow? or hast thou seen the treasures of the hail, which I have reserved against the time of trouble, against the day of battle and war?" Job 22-23

Moving on into Chapter 39...God continues his litigation, as if he has to, but he actually gets down and dirty with this crowd. The magnitude of power that is unfolded in these final books and the knowledge within, is astounding.

When my life is in turmoil, or if I find myself in doubt of Divine Providence..I always refer back to this book. Its a good therapy for "Ye of little faith"!

Another highly prominent figure in Old Testament scripture is Abraham. Abraham was also a shepherd, like Job, wealthy with flocks and herds. How is it that he was brought to the attention of the pharaoh of Egypt and the King of Gerar in his travels? Was it simply that Sarah, his wife, was so pretty? The Jewish records say that Abraham was learned in the science of astrology and with his elaborate knowledge of the heavens and their meanings he attracted the attention of these kings.

We know from the biblical record that God communicated with the shepherd Abraham many times, several times using the "stars" as a teaching vehicle. YAHWEH Himself directed Abraham's eyes toward the heavens, indirectly corroborating the Jewish oral tradition that says Abraham was a gifted astrologer.

"And he brought him forth abroad, and said, 'Look now toward heaven, and tell the stars, if thou be able to number them': and he said unto him, 'So shall thy seed be.'" Genesis 15:5

There are 12 signs of the zodiac...Christ had 12 disciples, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 months of the year, 12 hours in a day, 144,000 souls referenced in Revelation is 12 squared, ...Twelve is the number that is used very often in the bible...not 10, which is the number of fingers on our hand and basically a more logical number to use.

In the book of Revelation, there is this amazing verse..."And there appeared a great wonder in heaven, a woman clothed with the Sun, and the Moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars...and the woman fled into the wilderness, where she hath a place prepared by God, that they should feed her there a thousand and two hundred and threescore days." (Revelation 12:1-6). The last phrase refers to a time period that is 1,260 days long. That is an incredibly odd number of days to refer to.

It is my opinion, that the author of Revelation was referring to the solar eclipse cycle of 1260 years. Every solar eclipse repeats itself in the exact degree of the same sign every 1260 years. (You may validate this by looking at an ephemeris..) The Bible often equates a day for a year, which is another astrological reference because of the "day for a year" calculation of astrological progressions.

Where does the bible say a "day for a year"? In Ezekiel 4:6. God says "I have appointed thee each day for a year". This could be the reason why astrologers use the day for a year calculation for progressions....and it works!

There are hundreds upon hundreds of references to Astrology in the Bible, although some are obscure, except to biblical scholars.

And Electional Astrology and the Transits appear to be the background message when Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens. A time to be born, and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up....a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep and a time to cast away... A time to love an a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace".

These verses seem to say...that there is a correct time to do everything and if you choose the wrong time, you will not be successful.

Astrology and the Transits, along with "fortune telling, psychic work, etc.. are also the likely background when Ecclesiastes continues in chapter 9:11 with...I returned, and saw under the Sun, that the race is not to the swift, no the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all. For man also knoweth not his time; as the fishes that are taken in an evil net.."

These verses seem to say that everyone can have bad transits, and when they occur, you will not have the same abilities as when you did not have the transits....for example, if you were the swiftest runner normally, you will not be so swift when you have negative transits.

The points to an interesting thought...that the world would be completely different if there were no fluctuations in our abilities from day to day. Martina Navratilova would never lose a tennis match...and Sandy Koufax would always pitch a shutout, how boring...and unfair! You would never have a chance at beating someone who was better than you. But this is not the case... We have all defeated persons who were better. And we have all been beaten at something by a person who has inferior skills. The world is much better off with these ups and downs. It gives everyone a fighting chance and keeps almost everyone on top from getting to egotistical.

Copyright © Starmyste(Deborah Jean Nuckles)1998
Do not copy or reprint without express permission

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Madness

Flying on a comet through a star-sprinkled sky
Hiding in a space, behind my mind's eye.

Through slipping fingers and faces I fall,
Upon a black bed as I hear Death's call

Soothing as a lover's whisper, serene is all
Melancholic shadows waltz upon the wall.

No end to the madness, it must be fate,
To be imprisoned in the Jester's crate.

Yet I'm but a prisoner to my own demands
Poisoned milk and honey overflowing my land.

Behold! Dark Id, my greatest fear
Destroying me quietly, none can hear,

No one really knows, I'm not what I seem
How I long to trade places and dream what they dream

To embrace the future and discard the old
while I dance to the rhythm of my soul

In my soul embers lay dying,
I continue to live to keep on trying.

To fly on my Comet through the star-sprinkled sky,
And hide in this space, behind my minds eye.

© 1995 Deborah Nuckles
All Rights Reserved

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Profile Of The Alcoholic Abuser

Profile Of Abuser -Domestic Violence

Look around you, maybe behind..in your past, your present..possibly your future. Somewhere, they appear. You read about them, Hollywood creates mega buck blockbusters depicting them. How sad...to profit by them. Yes, make them an icon..bring them to the publics eye..so they can leave the theatres saying..tis nothing but a movie! Stuff like that just doesn't happen.
A child is born into this world, in the purest sense..knowing neither good nor bad..knowing only love, divine love.. They sleep in a peaceful sleep most of the day, only requiring nourishment and maternal contact, and the sound of her voice upon awakening.. In remembrance of their prior home nestled in the womb. A safe place..drawing only nourishment and love. Listening to her sounds.... her voice, the music she plays during the day..Feeling her emotions..the ups and downs of her moods..they are at peace.
Children grow up so fast..and their little minds absorb so much of their environment. A Mother, in an abusive situation, becomes the elusive protectorate, always trying to redirect away from the children, standing in the line of fire. It seems to satisfy her need to protect, but thats all. She doesn't filter the pain, nor the inhuman hatred aimed at these babes, it only pierces her heart. It doesn't stop the attack on the psyche of the children.
All over the world, every minute some woman, child is being subjected to abuse. That is not to say that they are being beaten, physically abused. There are different types of abuse, but..abuse is abuse. A broken arm can be healed..a blackened bruised eye will fade..a lacerated lip..the same. Emotions, mental scars..can be permanently etched into ones psyche that can render the person an emotional cripple..a victim..a co-dependant. Constantly seeking out the same relationships..having become convinced that they are deserving of such treatment. This is not true.
No woman, nor child needs suffer at the hands of these creatures. They exist..in all walks of life. They are disguised as Engineers, Doctors, Lawyers, Deacons in Religious circles, Police Officers, Politicians, Teachers, laborers, Counselors..! Yes, they appear as normal citizens. They are ususally very tied to their work..which leaves them little time for their family. Their excuse is Universal..My job requires me to do this..If I dont do this someone will replace me that will..Can't attend the concert, have to work. Ahh yes..and they are usually substance abusers. Alcohol seems to be the predominant drug of choice for these mutants of society.
That is understandable to an extent..but it's not the quantitative factor that makes a difference concerning time with the family..In other words..a brief 15 minutes of letting someone know that you care for them, a hug, a few nice words..maybe a compliment even if undeserving, or about something that has been accomplished recently, a job well done..or just a smile..will work! That 15 minutes, is worth more than a whole day at some meaningless impersonal event..
These individuals have so little to say, and that which they do say is conducive to sarcasm and mindless verbal garbage. Their idea of conversation is argumentative in nature. An impersonal chat can suddenly turn into a quest for control. Their favorite verbal attack is usually to demean another person. Their ideas become the only ideas that are correct, and if you disagree, you may as well leave it alone. They will stand up and shake their finger at you..or fly into a rage to try and convince you. Blackouts, they come frequently...and are unforgettable, except by the abuser, especially after an alcohol binge.. You wake up with the memory of the events transpiring the night before...something they cannot remember nor relate to! Madness...sheer madness!
They have little time for their wives, except for their own self gratification. She is just a mindless object to them, placed here for their own satisfaction. She is not allowed to have a life other than what they deem is proper and fitting. The children become the monsters rival, for they need their Mother to help replace the love that he refuses to provide them with. They become a target, an obstacle to him, that he feels must be removed. They are attacked for their every word, thought and deed. Pay no attention to the hurt look, the head hung low. They are accused of hanging onto their Mother, she is all they have. She has to be strong, and able to give that love, for they are sustained through her. If you cannot add to a person, don't take away from them.
Friends have always played an integral part in her life. Friends and family seemed to always migrate to her. Her life radiated around friends, for she never meets a stranger. This is not a part of his life, for he has no friends, nor does he acknowledge family ties. He makes every attempt to create an environment that nobody wants to enter into. Through his own selfish, insulting, sarcastic mannerisms, he makes enemies out of her family and friends. He is vividly transparent and shys away from people for that reason.
Friends, family that were once an important part of the childrens life keep their distance to avoid him, and the babes suffer more. He creates an environment, where he is center icon, and everyone else revolves around him. He must be the center of their Universe..anything else will be crushed. Everyone gives him this power. All of his trials and misfortunes become theirs, and the blame is placed on them, never himself. The ultimate Loser, never accepting responsibility for his actions, striking out at those who care for him, until there is nothing left. Who does he blame when there is no one left to blame?

Her home becomes a prison, not unbearable, as she has learned to adapt. An awareness occurs within her and she refuses to be a part of his world. She finds a quiet place. A place that she can be herself without limitations, criticisms, restrictions. She writes, paints, reads, anything to escape awaiting that proverbial moment, that she focuses on in the near future.

She knows that her escape from the formidable creature is inevitable, and when the time is right, it will happen. Her withdrawal causes much conflict with the relationship for he is losing control and fights back. He attacks the children, desperately grasping for them, cluthing their little souls..to satisfy his need to be in control.

They break free and run for the shelter of their friends when he is around and return to their Mother when he is gone..Only one child remains..the child that has been scarred the deepest. He stands by his Mother, and is willing to face this demented souless creature.

He attacks the child, knowing that he will get the desired reponse from her. He battles with her for control, explosive, demeaning... violent..breaking irreplacable keepsakes from her Mother, destructive...verbally abusing the child that stayed to watch over her. Anything to hurt, inflict pain. Ah Sweet Mystery of Life...This is the cycle of death and rebirth. Death is destruction of the old..making way for the new!

Her friends, family see it differently and condemn her..they try to rush her, to get out, forsaking everything else..oblivious to all of the circumstances, causing confusion within. She hides the fact that she has friends, as he takes that as an infringment on his right to control... Her friends become her paramours... He never accepts blame...nor does he allow any reproach to his best friend, Booze! He nurtures and protects his friend with his soul...allowing nothing to cause separateness in the relationship...he consumes...it consumes....pitiful!

She wants to do as they say, but she also knows that she must listen to another voice. She knows that her life is at a critical place in time, and there is no room for error at this juncture. In frustration and bewilderment, she strikes out at them for not understanding.

She remembers the past, and is aware of the results of impulsive actions, for each day reminds her. If we don't learn from past mistakes, we are apt to repeat them.. Although she suffers the loss of those friends who have turned from her, she realizes that it is all a necessary part of the cycle. A true friend, will respect her decisions even if in conflict with their own.
People say..Get out! Why is she staying there? Fear becomes an essential part of her makeup. She knows what is outside these prison walls, because she has dealt indirectly with it..through the abuser. She knows that she must be prepared to break out. No prisoner is allowed to leave until he is able to face society.

She goes through all the motions of being the strong woman..so many years of being a Mother..dealing with trivialities such as school projects, PTA, keeping a house in order, taking care of the bills, the problems, budgeting, ahh...yes and taking care of the abuser. The Abuser..who creates problems and refuses to face them..once more..she finds herself in the direct line of fire, trying to repair what it is that has been broken, not out of love, but out of preservation, the need to survive. She is there always to fix, repair, solve, heal and mend.
She returns to her special place within her prison walls. The coolness of the walls, feels good to her. Yes, the demons are there but her soul is strong and can flick them away with one gesture.. It is there that she finds solace. She is with her soul, and they begin to create, learn, understand and experience joy. She is always seeking and learning. He would take away her hunger for knowledge and replace it with nothingness.

Is it an escape..or is she merely awaiting the proverbial moment? Is she learning what she needs to survive alone..with her babes? In the aloneness of her time, she listens for Gods whisper.

Awaiting the moment, when she as the phoenix once again emerges from the fiery depths...to take flight..and she knows that her waiting is drawing nigh to the end. For all good things come to those that wait!
© 1995 Deborah Nuckles
All Rights Reserved

Arani, Dance!


Arani, Dance!


arani arises quietly and imagines her Master's presence in the room. She centers herself and prepares for the dance, she takes a few deep slow breaths and whispers quietly to the watching crowd... "arani will now dance the sa-eela for her beloved Master."


arani moves quietly to the center of the room... a look of melancholy and loneliness seems to appear in her grey eyes... she falls softly to the floor and lies curled up catlike.


Her hands reach out as if touching walls... near walls... the walls of her kennel... she is cold and in need, she writhes about in the small confine, frustrated, lonely...hungering for him..


She hears a noise... startled, she lifts her head as if listening to a command.. she quickly arises to her feet, leaving the confines...her twinkling grey-green eyes suddenly filled with hope as she is released from her kennel into the pen... without hesitation, she prepares herself skillfully but quickly for her Master...


Her movements suggesting the application of scented oil and cosmetics.. she brushes her long blonde tresses encouraging a illustrious shine...and bends over quickly, letting her hair fall forward, then snaps her head back gently, allowing her hair to fall naturally around her shoulders...


She makes A quick check to be sure that her eyes are well defined..and moistens her violet lips..She chooses his favorite fragrance and applies it sparingly..paying particular attention to the pulse points of her body.


Twirling about in her finery, .. her diaphanous green silks caress her body, complimenting every curve. ... She touches her collar, glistening around her neck..and smiles..thinking of him..She is ready for her Master.


She glances around her then moves from one side of the pen to the other in frustration, there is no Master. She is still confined and alone. She drops to the ground with tears in her eyes...her blonde hair spilling around her...


Again..she hears a noise... she listens as it comes closer... she lifts her head, hands outstretched pitifully... eyes pleading to be acknowledged... suddenly she backs away, frightened, as her pen is opened...


She kneels in the position of a nadu pleasure slave..slender ankles crossed...her creamy thighs parted widely to the Master's viewing pleasure....her back and shoulders straight...her full chest is thrust forward, breasts well defined, pushing at the silken fabric...belly in...hands on her thighs ...palm up...her head is up, revealing his collar.. with lowered gaze.


The Masters approach is near... she flinches as if struck by the cat, whimpering softly, she once more assumes her position, listening to their commands, her slave heart racing wildly.


arani rises then with her wrists together behind her as if they have been bound... she moves quickly around the room bent over with small hurried steps... as if she is being lead to the performing area...


She falls to the floor as if flung... a soft whimper escapes her violet lips... her shimmering green silks loosen and slip from her, revealing her naked body.


She has but one desire..to please her Master...


She rises gracefully once more, this time her wrists have been released... she lifts her arms above her gracefully assuming a dancers starting position. Her grey eyes peek out from long lashes scanning the room until her eyes meet her Masters dark eyes.. a soft smile forms upon her face.


She listens as the room fills with the enchanting melody, and with slow subtle movements, she starts her dance.


arani arches her back, and allows her head to fall back gracefully in one fluid movement,the beauty of her collar exposed as it nestles snugly around her neck, her glistening blonde curls splashing over her shoulders gently caressing the small of her back. Hips undulating almost of their own volition... the erotic melody enraptures her, further igniting the passion begging to be released.


arani dances before the Masters in the room, her naked body glistening with sweat... her movements sensual...seductive... her frustrated wanton passion escaping and permeating the room...


She closes her eyes as her movements blend with the music... her slender hands lightly caress her full upturned breasts,.. cupping them as in offering... startled by her actions, she gasps and spins away in another direction...


Arani dances, her body enflamed with desire... the desire to please... the desire to be taken... the desire to be Mastered fully ... the desire to yield to him, her frustration releasing energies that cause her to dance as she never has before... she sinks to her knees at the feet of the one who owns her... her grey eyes pleading...


She rolls to the floor, writhing before him, displaying to him a hint of the sweetness and depth of her essence, her soul briefly exposed to him through the depth of her eyes.....


Arani crawls to him, her pink nipples hard, swollen, aroused.... graze upon the cold stone... her body on fire, burning intensely with a slaves passion...she pulls her self to her knees, her head rising last, with a swirl of her blonde, loose curls ..


Lilac moistened lips pouted and inviting...thighs slightly parted... unaware of the ravenous need she presents to the Master... knowing only her frustration within... she moans softly...


Suddenly, she bends forward, impulsively, as if she lost control of herself, with hands on the floor, head down.. kisses the tiles at his feet...she looks up at him wantonly. and arises slowly, gracefully..her eyes fixed upon him.


arani sways sensually to the music, lost in her dance.. lost in her passion.. she whimpers softly in her highly aroused state, as the music filters through the room in a mesmerising erotic rhythm.. and climbs in intensity to a climax...


She casts her graceful body to the stone floor, upon her back, her tanned legs flexed, back arching, hips slightly rising upward, in invitation to be used by her Master.


She looks to him..her gaze fixed upon his ebony eyes.. her slender hand reaches out to him... beckoning... her dance subsides..


arani emerges gracefully from the floor, her breathing rapid, slave heart racing... she smiles to those in the room silently thanking them for allowing her to dance, then takes her place on the furs.

© 1995 Deborah Nuckles All Rights Reserved

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Don't Pass Them By

Don't Pass Them By

Down by the corner on the side of a busy street
Stood a disheveled old lady with a sign "Will Work to Eat"
A well-dressed executive hurriedly passed her by
She said, "God bless you, sir!" and I knew not why.
As he climbed into his shiny new Rover,
I thought, "How could he pass this poor soul over"?
She continued her stance with the sign held high
A stirring in my heart, I wanted to cry.
Another passerby approached the same place
Greeting them with the same sweet smile on her face
They continued on their way never once looking back
Then she bent over and opened a brown paper sack
She retrieved an old worn Bible and sat down to rest
Reading intensively, as if preparing for a test
Forgetting destinations, I observed this precious soul
Wondering why life had dealt her such a heavy toll
She greeted me with a warm special smile
"Please come, sit with me just for a little while"
So I sat down beside this woman clothed in faded blue
She asked, "Do you know Jesus and how much he loves you?
"Out of an encompassing love
He suffered upon a tree
"He shed his blood, He paid the price
"That set his children free"
"He overcame death and arose on day three"
Jesus lives! Yes, he lives in you and me.
The sins of the world he took through the veil
And released us from the bondage of an eternity in hell"
She continued to talk of his wondrous love,
When suddenly like a miracle sign from above
A dove appeared, with something stuck in its claw
wrestling it loose with its beak, this is what we saw!
A weathered $100 bill lay crumpled at our feet,
"Praise Jesus"! she cried, "we can get something to eat"!
Reaching down, I picked it up, placing it in her tiny hand,
She said, "No Hon, you keep it, my needs are not that grand".
"A bit of nourishment today to take me to the next,"
At that point, I began to feel bewildered and perplexed.
How could this tattered soul be so humble and kind?
Thoughts of injustice raced through my mind.
"Come home with me, please, I have an extra bed",
"Its nothing fancy but a warm place to lay your head"
That was a few years ago, and I thank the Lord above,
For a special gift that blessed my life with unconditional love
A Grandmother, Mother, Sister, a Friend indeed,
Always there to comfort and help out when in need
But the greatest gift that's really blessed my home the most
Is her love for my savior, Jesus Christ, Lord of Host.
Thank you, Jesus, for not letting me pass her by
and thank you for sending the dove from the sky
Glory Hallelujah, for giving this blessing to me
Thank you for your gift of love at the Tree on Calvary.

Copyright © 1999 Deborah Nuckles-Honea
All rights reserved. Please do not copy or reprint without express
permission

Sea Of Darqueness


Sea Of Darqueness



I opened my eyes and the vision appeared,
Clothed in sweet mystery, not to be feared.
From off the horizon, into my view,
A darque barge appeared, a helmsman, no crew.
Somewhere from the deep, a voice beckoned me
To join the voyage, on this darque threatening sea.
Turbulent sea of suffering, chaotic currents abound,
A cold wind of silence, the only sound.
In the distance, a shadowy shape took form,
Deep in the midst, of a fiery, spiraling storm.
The epitome of suffering, chaos, and pain,
Beaten, scorched, and spat on, by the hellish rain.
One lonely surfer, riding waves Of flame
No one feels their passion, no one knows their pain.
Lost in heavens glory, cast below in gloom,
Wandering aimlessly for aeons,
Seeking freedom from their hellish doom.

Copyright © 1998 Deborah Nuckles-Honea
All rights reserved. Please do not copy or reprint without express
permission

The Bitches Corner


Welcome to my Bitch Corner!

Do ya ever think about all the little things that really irritate you, adds up to be quite a list, huh? Well, here's mine! Please bookmark this page, as it is surely to be updated frequently.
Answering Machines
...."I'm not in right now, sorry I missed you, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back with you"....and you're thinking...I'll bet they are screening their calls...so you try again and you're already irritated, so you "LEAVE" a message and it never comes out as you intended. Suddenly, your phone rings and you hear a voice on the other end.."Hey, you called"? NO, not me,...must have been a malfunction on your machine...OF COURSE, I called...I left you a freaking message and that is why you are calling me back! Rage against the Machine.......!!!!!!!!!!!
Worse...the recorded messages that give you all of the numbered options. Somtimes, you can bypass all the crap by supressing "0" which will get you a "LIVE" person called the "Operator". On the other hand, after trying different combinations, then pressing "O", you may get, "I'm sorry that is not an option, please try your call again"...after you have waited patiently for what seems an eterinity for the "Next Available Representative"......Rage against the Machine.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MasterCard Mammaries!
Have you ever stopped to consider how much time, effort, and money has gone into the development of Cosmetic Surgical procedures for the enlargement of women's breasts? What is it about huge breasts that are drawing these women into Cosmetic Surgery Clinics at the Special rate of $5000.00? Cmon, girls..did it ever occur to you that your fellas know that's not really you? Don't you feel strange? Do you play tennis, golf? Can't imagine teeing off with 2lbs of silicone sitting on my chest. If it's to appeal to the male system, be forewarned...men that generally go after a woman with the giant mammaries..usually have a Mother fixation.
So...if you want to change diapers the rest of your life..get your butt tucked. If you need the self-esteem boost, buy a padded bra! In other words, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade..Accent the positive and de-emphasize the negative and above all...Steer Clear of nasty men that think oversized sweat glands are sexy....think about it!
Childbirth

Ten years ago I gave birth to my last child, by Caesarean birth. Unfortunately, there is a rule...designed by the Patriarchal society..if you have one Caesarean birth..you must have another.
For those of you with only one child, take heed..the first is a piece of cake. All consecutive births..worsen each time. The catch22 is called "Afterpains". They say that you do not remember the pain of Childbirth..Horse Feathers! Nobody can forget that pain. The first two births..nothing. The last birth..soon after the delivery, I was taken to recovery. Knowing from past experience that I needed to get up and walk, or have a slow recovery, I attempted to get out of the bed. Very difficult, for I was only 3 hours postpartum, but I knew that I must walk. A room was being readied for me and I was told it would be a couple of hours. Very slowly, I took about 4 baby steps... "ouch!!!!" Must get back into the bed, Now!
Later on, they moved me to my own little room, complete with TV, bath, and this strange looking robotic machine, that was for better words a Joy Box. Wonderful invention, this Joy Box. We would become very good friends in a very short time.
This nice, sweet nurse kindly helped me into the bed, and re-routed my IV to the Joy Box. She left the room and I soon dozed off briefly, and was awakened by this same kind, sweet nurse, telling me that she had to check my incision. She woke me up for that? She was very careful, methodical, professional and nice! In School, they teach us to INFORM the patient during treatment. This nice, sweet nurse suddenly took both of her hands and pressed my lower abdomen so hard that I know she felt my backbone. She did not INFORM me!
Don't think that I screamed..but tried, no sound came. She backed away, evidently seeing the terror in my face. My eyes were glued to her...she moved toward me again and started to place her hands on my tummy. Quickly I grabbed her by the wrists and said "Oh, no you don't! She replied This is very, very necessary if I dont do this, you could become very sick and it could be fatal!
My guard weakened and feeling hopelessly at her mercy, I submitted to the torture again. She continued coming into the room, for a couple of hours, doing the tummy press. Shortly after, she discontinued her visits, I began to have waves of pains, similar to labor contractions.
At first, they were barely cramps, progressing quickly into major pain. A shift change brought a new nurse to my rescue and she at once, noticed what was happening. I Explained to her that I had already had two children and had never gone through this type of pain. Subtly mentioning the "Nurse From Hell", I was very quick to remind the new nurse that I never wanted to see that person again, as I was convinced that she had caused my pain. Pain...my threshold is super, but this wasn't tolerable for me. She smiled and said..yes, it seems to be worse for you three times Moms. Suddenly I became a stereotype, a statistic! Oh great! She then explained about the Joy Box, to which I quickly became very attached to. She told me to watch the monitor and observe the Wave!
Surfing? Yes, I can do that! She finally left me and I kept my attention to the Monitor graph, observing the building of the wave. Just like surfing, you lie there peacefully, relaxing, breathing..watching the wave build, thinking I am one with the wave..I am one with the wave as it approaches, you turn and begin paddling, picking up speed...Connection..you have Lift Off!
relax and breathe, observing the needle on the monitor screen. It was remarkable! I could see the contraction, before I felt the pain..so I was prepared. I imagined myself in the ocean..just as if I was surfing and when the graph topped of..I pushed the button! BonZai! Each time I observed the wave of hell approaching..I would become One with the wave with my finger on the button! Lala Land, here I come! So ladies, please be advised..it doesn't get easier! Learn to Surf, it helps!

Fast Food Drive-Thru's
Gone are the days of the pile the kids in the car and drive to the Burger Castle, with the curb hops, and silver trays on the side of the car and the music blasting out of outdoor speakers! They have been replaced with Drive-Thru's! Yep..every fast food chain has got them. At my house, piling teenagers in the car and going through the Drive-thru at Mickey D's or Hardees` can be a hellish experience. Its really neat, how the franchise' have attempted to simplify their menus by offering the Combo's! At first, they didn't have numbers. You may choose from the Cheeseburger Combo, Double-Cheeseburger Combo, or if you are not into Dead Cow, theres the Chicken Filet Combo! That was easy..but..dealing with New Age Children of this century, who only think in terms of Numbers,...(Mom, I need 5 bucks..no make 10 bucks..will pay you back in 5 days!) they attached numbers to the combos for ease of ordering.
Still these New Age Children are perplexed....! Each and every one are individual little souls, with individual taste...some like lettuce, some like no lettuce, some like pickles, some say No pickles..on and on! To no avail, just when you think you have told the little talking box what you want, in the midst of 7 mouths going at the same time..the little talking box repeats to you what you have ordered and has it all messed up! You are not feeling nice..you are very irritated..in the back seat..the kid with the perpetual wise remarks..Hey Mom, I wanted a frisco burger..you got me a bacon burger! And he doesn't let up. By the way, not my son..everyone calls me Mom! Cause I'm the only one that has the courage to take these brain-damaged, generation-X, creatures to these places! You turn around and at the top of your lungs..you scream not very nice words at this brain damaged Rocky wannabe!
You have now informed the entire staff in McDonalds that you are a un-armed dangerous person..carrying a carload of brain-damaged misfits! You drive up to the pick-up window..and the attendant smiles and takes your money..while her eyes shift to the rear of the car, you notice that she gets a rather embarrased look on her face! What you don't see is the boys in the back giving her smooch faces..and you're thinking... What's her problem?!


Copyright © 1998 Deborah Nuckles
All rights reserved. Please do not copy or reprint without express
permission