Sunday, August 06, 2006

Profile Of The Alcoholic Abuser

Profile Of Abuser -Domestic Violence

Look around you, maybe your past, your present..possibly your future. Somewhere, they appear. You read about them, Hollywood creates mega buck blockbusters depicting them. How profit by them. Yes, make them an icon..bring them to the publics they can leave the theatres saying..tis nothing but a movie! Stuff like that just doesn't happen.
A child is born into this world, in the purest sense..knowing neither good nor bad..knowing only love, divine love.. They sleep in a peaceful sleep most of the day, only requiring nourishment and maternal contact, and the sound of her voice upon awakening.. In remembrance of their prior home nestled in the womb. A safe place..drawing only nourishment and love. Listening to her sounds.... her voice, the music she plays during the day..Feeling her emotions..the ups and downs of her moods..they are at peace.
Children grow up so fast..and their little minds absorb so much of their environment. A Mother, in an abusive situation, becomes the elusive protectorate, always trying to redirect away from the children, standing in the line of fire. It seems to satisfy her need to protect, but thats all. She doesn't filter the pain, nor the inhuman hatred aimed at these babes, it only pierces her heart. It doesn't stop the attack on the psyche of the children.
All over the world, every minute some woman, child is being subjected to abuse. That is not to say that they are being beaten, physically abused. There are different types of abuse, but..abuse is abuse. A broken arm can be healed..a blackened bruised eye will fade..a lacerated lip..the same. Emotions, mental scars..can be permanently etched into ones psyche that can render the person an emotional cripple..a victim..a co-dependant. Constantly seeking out the same relationships..having become convinced that they are deserving of such treatment. This is not true.
No woman, nor child needs suffer at the hands of these creatures. They all walks of life. They are disguised as Engineers, Doctors, Lawyers, Deacons in Religious circles, Police Officers, Politicians, Teachers, laborers, Counselors..! Yes, they appear as normal citizens. They are ususally very tied to their work..which leaves them little time for their family. Their excuse is Universal..My job requires me to do this..If I dont do this someone will replace me that will..Can't attend the concert, have to work. Ahh yes..and they are usually substance abusers. Alcohol seems to be the predominant drug of choice for these mutants of society.
That is understandable to an extent..but it's not the quantitative factor that makes a difference concerning time with the family..In other words..a brief 15 minutes of letting someone know that you care for them, a hug, a few nice words..maybe a compliment even if undeserving, or about something that has been accomplished recently, a job well done..or just a smile..will work! That 15 minutes, is worth more than a whole day at some meaningless impersonal event..
These individuals have so little to say, and that which they do say is conducive to sarcasm and mindless verbal garbage. Their idea of conversation is argumentative in nature. An impersonal chat can suddenly turn into a quest for control. Their favorite verbal attack is usually to demean another person. Their ideas become the only ideas that are correct, and if you disagree, you may as well leave it alone. They will stand up and shake their finger at you..or fly into a rage to try and convince you. Blackouts, they come frequently...and are unforgettable, except by the abuser, especially after an alcohol binge.. You wake up with the memory of the events transpiring the night before...something they cannot remember nor relate to! Madness...sheer madness!
They have little time for their wives, except for their own self gratification. She is just a mindless object to them, placed here for their own satisfaction. She is not allowed to have a life other than what they deem is proper and fitting. The children become the monsters rival, for they need their Mother to help replace the love that he refuses to provide them with. They become a target, an obstacle to him, that he feels must be removed. They are attacked for their every word, thought and deed. Pay no attention to the hurt look, the head hung low. They are accused of hanging onto their Mother, she is all they have. She has to be strong, and able to give that love, for they are sustained through her. If you cannot add to a person, don't take away from them.
Friends have always played an integral part in her life. Friends and family seemed to always migrate to her. Her life radiated around friends, for she never meets a stranger. This is not a part of his life, for he has no friends, nor does he acknowledge family ties. He makes every attempt to create an environment that nobody wants to enter into. Through his own selfish, insulting, sarcastic mannerisms, he makes enemies out of her family and friends. He is vividly transparent and shys away from people for that reason.
Friends, family that were once an important part of the childrens life keep their distance to avoid him, and the babes suffer more. He creates an environment, where he is center icon, and everyone else revolves around him. He must be the center of their Universe..anything else will be crushed. Everyone gives him this power. All of his trials and misfortunes become theirs, and the blame is placed on them, never himself. The ultimate Loser, never accepting responsibility for his actions, striking out at those who care for him, until there is nothing left. Who does he blame when there is no one left to blame?

Her home becomes a prison, not unbearable, as she has learned to adapt. An awareness occurs within her and she refuses to be a part of his world. She finds a quiet place. A place that she can be herself without limitations, criticisms, restrictions. She writes, paints, reads, anything to escape awaiting that proverbial moment, that she focuses on in the near future.

She knows that her escape from the formidable creature is inevitable, and when the time is right, it will happen. Her withdrawal causes much conflict with the relationship for he is losing control and fights back. He attacks the children, desperately grasping for them, cluthing their little satisfy his need to be in control.

They break free and run for the shelter of their friends when he is around and return to their Mother when he is gone..Only one child remains..the child that has been scarred the deepest. He stands by his Mother, and is willing to face this demented souless creature.

He attacks the child, knowing that he will get the desired reponse from her. He battles with her for control, explosive, demeaning... violent..breaking irreplacable keepsakes from her Mother, destructive...verbally abusing the child that stayed to watch over her. Anything to hurt, inflict pain. Ah Sweet Mystery of Life...This is the cycle of death and rebirth. Death is destruction of the old..making way for the new!

Her friends, family see it differently and condemn her..they try to rush her, to get out, forsaking everything else..oblivious to all of the circumstances, causing confusion within. She hides the fact that she has friends, as he takes that as an infringment on his right to control... Her friends become her paramours... He never accepts blame...nor does he allow any reproach to his best friend, Booze! He nurtures and protects his friend with his soul...allowing nothing to cause separateness in the relationship...he consumes....pitiful!

She wants to do as they say, but she also knows that she must listen to another voice. She knows that her life is at a critical place in time, and there is no room for error at this juncture. In frustration and bewilderment, she strikes out at them for not understanding.

She remembers the past, and is aware of the results of impulsive actions, for each day reminds her. If we don't learn from past mistakes, we are apt to repeat them.. Although she suffers the loss of those friends who have turned from her, she realizes that it is all a necessary part of the cycle. A true friend, will respect her decisions even if in conflict with their own.
People say..Get out! Why is she staying there? Fear becomes an essential part of her makeup. She knows what is outside these prison walls, because she has dealt indirectly with it..through the abuser. She knows that she must be prepared to break out. No prisoner is allowed to leave until he is able to face society.

She goes through all the motions of being the strong many years of being a Mother..dealing with trivialities such as school projects, PTA, keeping a house in order, taking care of the bills, the problems, budgeting, ahh...yes and taking care of the abuser. The Abuser..who creates problems and refuses to face them..once more..she finds herself in the direct line of fire, trying to repair what it is that has been broken, not out of love, but out of preservation, the need to survive. She is there always to fix, repair, solve, heal and mend.
She returns to her special place within her prison walls. The coolness of the walls, feels good to her. Yes, the demons are there but her soul is strong and can flick them away with one gesture.. It is there that she finds solace. She is with her soul, and they begin to create, learn, understand and experience joy. She is always seeking and learning. He would take away her hunger for knowledge and replace it with nothingness.

Is it an escape..or is she merely awaiting the proverbial moment? Is she learning what she needs to survive alone..with her babes? In the aloneness of her time, she listens for Gods whisper.

Awaiting the moment, when she as the phoenix once again emerges from the fiery take flight..and she knows that her waiting is drawing nigh to the end. For all good things come to those that wait!
© 1995 Deborah Nuckles
All Rights Reserved

Arani, Dance!

Arani, Dance!

arani arises quietly and imagines her Master's presence in the room. She centers herself and prepares for the dance, she takes a few deep slow breaths and whispers quietly to the watching crowd... "arani will now dance the sa-eela for her beloved Master."

arani moves quietly to the center of the room... a look of melancholy and loneliness seems to appear in her grey eyes... she falls softly to the floor and lies curled up catlike.

Her hands reach out as if touching walls... near walls... the walls of her kennel... she is cold and in need, she writhes about in the small confine, frustrated, lonely...hungering for him..

She hears a noise... startled, she lifts her head as if listening to a command.. she quickly arises to her feet, leaving the confines...her twinkling grey-green eyes suddenly filled with hope as she is released from her kennel into the pen... without hesitation, she prepares herself skillfully but quickly for her Master...

Her movements suggesting the application of scented oil and cosmetics.. she brushes her long blonde tresses encouraging a illustrious shine...and bends over quickly, letting her hair fall forward, then snaps her head back gently, allowing her hair to fall naturally around her shoulders...

She makes A quick check to be sure that her eyes are well defined..and moistens her violet lips..She chooses his favorite fragrance and applies it sparingly..paying particular attention to the pulse points of her body.

Twirling about in her finery, .. her diaphanous green silks caress her body, complimenting every curve. ... She touches her collar, glistening around her neck..and smiles..thinking of him..She is ready for her Master.

She glances around her then moves from one side of the pen to the other in frustration, there is no Master. She is still confined and alone. She drops to the ground with tears in her eyes...her blonde hair spilling around her...

Again..she hears a noise... she listens as it comes closer... she lifts her head, hands outstretched pitifully... eyes pleading to be acknowledged... suddenly she backs away, frightened, as her pen is opened...

She kneels in the position of a nadu pleasure slave..slender ankles crossed...her creamy thighs parted widely to the Master's viewing pleasure....her back and shoulders straight...her full chest is thrust forward, breasts well defined, pushing at the silken fabric...belly in...hands on her thighs ...palm up...her head is up, revealing his collar.. with lowered gaze.

The Masters approach is near... she flinches as if struck by the cat, whimpering softly, she once more assumes her position, listening to their commands, her slave heart racing wildly.

arani rises then with her wrists together behind her as if they have been bound... she moves quickly around the room bent over with small hurried steps... as if she is being lead to the performing area...

She falls to the floor as if flung... a soft whimper escapes her violet lips... her shimmering green silks loosen and slip from her, revealing her naked body.

She has but one please her Master...

She rises gracefully once more, this time her wrists have been released... she lifts her arms above her gracefully assuming a dancers starting position. Her grey eyes peek out from long lashes scanning the room until her eyes meet her Masters dark eyes.. a soft smile forms upon her face.

She listens as the room fills with the enchanting melody, and with slow subtle movements, she starts her dance.

arani arches her back, and allows her head to fall back gracefully in one fluid movement,the beauty of her collar exposed as it nestles snugly around her neck, her glistening blonde curls splashing over her shoulders gently caressing the small of her back. Hips undulating almost of their own volition... the erotic melody enraptures her, further igniting the passion begging to be released.

arani dances before the Masters in the room, her naked body glistening with sweat... her movements sensual...seductive... her frustrated wanton passion escaping and permeating the room...

She closes her eyes as her movements blend with the music... her slender hands lightly caress her full upturned breasts,.. cupping them as in offering... startled by her actions, she gasps and spins away in another direction...

Arani dances, her body enflamed with desire... the desire to please... the desire to be taken... the desire to be Mastered fully ... the desire to yield to him, her frustration releasing energies that cause her to dance as she never has before... she sinks to her knees at the feet of the one who owns her... her grey eyes pleading...

She rolls to the floor, writhing before him, displaying to him a hint of the sweetness and depth of her essence, her soul briefly exposed to him through the depth of her eyes.....

Arani crawls to him, her pink nipples hard, swollen, aroused.... graze upon the cold stone... her body on fire, burning intensely with a slaves passion...she pulls her self to her knees, her head rising last, with a swirl of her blonde, loose curls ..

Lilac moistened lips pouted and inviting...thighs slightly parted... unaware of the ravenous need she presents to the Master... knowing only her frustration within... she moans softly...

Suddenly, she bends forward, impulsively, as if she lost control of herself, with hands on the floor, head down.. kisses the tiles at his feet...she looks up at him wantonly. and arises slowly, gracefully..her eyes fixed upon him.

arani sways sensually to the music, lost in her dance.. lost in her passion.. she whimpers softly in her highly aroused state, as the music filters through the room in a mesmerising erotic rhythm.. and climbs in intensity to a climax...

She casts her graceful body to the stone floor, upon her back, her tanned legs flexed, back arching, hips slightly rising upward, in invitation to be used by her Master.

She looks to him..her gaze fixed upon his ebony eyes.. her slender hand reaches out to him... beckoning... her dance subsides..

arani emerges gracefully from the floor, her breathing rapid, slave heart racing... she smiles to those in the room silently thanking them for allowing her to dance, then takes her place on the furs.

© 1995 Deborah Nuckles All Rights Reserved

Thursday, August 03, 2006


What If?
Were we visited on earth thousands of years ago by a highly evolved culture that ushered in mankind's first New Age of scientific growth and spiritual enlightenment? Were these visitors the Creators and Enslavers of the human race?
Twentieth Century UFO's were rarely reported in the mass media before 1947, as most people believe them to be a relatively modern phenomenon. Quite the opposite, as they have been reported for thousands of years, all over the world. Julius Obsequens reproduced the following account from 206 B.C. in his book, [Prodigorium liber]
Things like ships were seen in the sky over Italy......At Arpi In Italy, a round shield was seen in the sky...At Capua, the sky was all on fire, and one saw figures like ships.
Who controls human destiny? Do the world's major religions teach the truth.......or have they all been subtly corrupted?
The idea that we were once a slave race owned by an extra-terrestrial society is not really a new concept. It was noted thousands of years ago in mankind's earliest civilizations. The first of those civilizations was SUMERIA, a highly advanced society which existed in the Tigris-Euphrates river valley between 5000 and 4000 B.C and by 3500 B.C. and flourished as a major civilization.
Archaeological finds show that Sumeria left records revealing human-like creatures of extra-terrestrial origin had ruled early human society as earth's first Monarchs. Those alien people were often thought of as GODS. Some Sumerian GODS were said to travel into the skies and through the heavens in flying globes and rocketlike vehicles.
The Book Of Ezekiel is filled with visions and encounters with what appears to be celestial beings. The first vision, is that of a divine chariot, better known as The MERKABAH, in Kabballistic circles. It is one of the most extraordinary accounts of a UFO witnessed in ancient times.
The detailed technical description of the Chariot and the manner in which it could move any direction as well as up and down, has puzzled bible scholars from the past up until modern times, and has become a part of the Mysteries in the Jewish Kabballah, whose study was limited to only knowing initiates. The word dream does not appear in the Book of Ezekiel, only the word vision. The heavens opened up and I saw divine visions. The term used in the Hebrew is actually Elohim visions. The Elohim, have been referred to as the Greys, Annunaki, Nefilim, no matter what name, Ezekiel's vision was considered Divine presence..GOD
Ancient carvings depict several of these GODS wearing gogglelike apparel over their eyes. Human priests acted as mere intermediaries between the alien GODS and the human population.
According to the history found inscribed on Mesopotamian tablets, there was a time when human beings did not exist at all. Earth was inhabited by members of another species from another civilization, from another world. In other words, Aliens from another planet. They were called brilliant ones, workers of wonders. Date estimates of the arrival of these visitors have been computed by Sitchin using the dates of Berossus' arrival of OANNES, approximately right at 445,000 years ago. Based on the findings concerning the approximated age of the Cydonia Complex on Mars this date fits very close. For the sake of those skeptical, I will use the word visitor instead of aliens.
One of the mysteries of the world's megaliths, that has been noted, is their closeness to mining sites. Statues depicting men with one gold hand which could relate them to Lords of Metal. The Serpent in the book of Genesis is referred to as Nahash, meaning he who knows secrets, and also he who knows Copper. The Lord in the bible is occasionally referred to as one who knows where the hidden places of metal in the mountains. In Job 28:1 it reads Surely there is a vein for the silver, and a place for the gold.
These visitor's lives on earth was not pleasant to say the least, and their efforts to exploit the mineral and natural resources on earth was quite backbreaking. One tablet reads:
When the Gods like men
Bore the Work and suffered the toil
The toil of the Gods was great,
The work was heavy, the distress was much

The tablets go on to describe a life of endless misery as these GODS carried out building, excavation and mining operations on Earth. Even as Gods, they were prone to complaining, backstabbing, and rebellion against their leaders. A solution was needed, and it was found:Lets create a new creature capable of doing all this work...ENTER HOMO SAPIENS!
The Mesopotamian tablets then tell of Gods who put Gods to death and the Blood was mixed with clay. Suffice it to say, that man was in his first evolutionary stage at that time. Supposedly, the demolished planet Tiamat, which is referred to in the book of Job, had enough DNA material from its previous life to begin life anew, and more than likely that Tiamat wasn't the original home of the Annunaki with Mars being their temporary home away from home when Tiamat rocked.
Several attempts were made to create the perfect slave out of various animals, which ended up with hideous, mutants that were not good for anything and had to be destroyed. Let us make Adamu in our image, as we see in the outline of genesis Let us make man in our image, which shows God referring to himself as plural. He was a race of people....the Annunaki,who are referred to biblically as either angels or the sons of god.
An experiment was performed by their Chief Medical personnel, EN.KI and NIN.TI, who produced a Lulu, the first man out of a mix of Annunaki material and the more primitive human native to Earth. The end result were referred to in the Sumerian Texts as the Black Headed people, who were used as mining slaves. The terms used in the Creation texts appear quite scientific, referring to moulding the essence of the Anunnaki with the egg of their wombs, purifying it in a bath, and creating an eventual bond, and the glyphs accompanying them show laboratories with vases like test tubes, cauldrons of fire, etc. Their most complex phrase for the process was the special attention paid to that which houses that which binds the memory, a pretty good description of our terminology Genes.
The new earth creature, or Lulu, meaning the mixed one, as they were referred to is quite similar in appearance to these GODS. There is but a shadow of the truth scattered in the book of Genesis. This clay possibly served as a concoction similar to the clinical Petrie Dish providing a stable environment to be placed into the womb of the Surrogate Goddess/Alien Mother. One can only surmise of the visitors highly advanced knowledge of Recombinant DNA procedures, InVitro fertilization,etc. Of which we have just recently moved out of the infancy stage with the much widely publicized cloning of the Sheep, Dolly.
The GOD credited with the supervision of this Genetic engineering was called EA. He was reported to be the son of a GOD KING who ruled another planet in the GODS empire. His name found in the records was EN.KI which means Prince (Lord) of Earth. The Ancient Sumerian texts state that the title of Ea is not entirely correct, as it appears that he lost his dominion over major portions of the earth to his half brother EN.LIL during a conflict.
EN.KI, was also given credit for many other accomplishments. If he was a real person, he could be best described as a Scientist, and a Civil Engineer of considerable talent. It is written that he was said to have drained marshes by the Persian Gulf and to have replaced them with fertile agricultural land. In other words, he had immense knowledge.
EN.KI demonstrated a good grasp of Genetic Engineering, but not according to the tablets, without trial and error. He was also described as goodhearted, at least to his creation, HOMO SAPIENS. He became their leader, teaching them all the finer arts of civilization as well as their work and craft. He taught them brickmaking, construction, and metallurgy. He spoke on their behalf and opposed the cruelties that many of the other GODS to include his brother ENLIL, had inflicted upon them. EN.KI didn't intend for them to be harshly treated, but his wishes were disregarded by the other leaders.
The demand for the black-headed people became too great for the Annunaki to produce on a regular basis, since they had to be individually birthed using surrogate Moms, and the process was as painful as any childbirth. Eventually, the slave-people were given the gift of KNOWING, i.e., self-reproduction. EN-KI appears to have been the one to let the slaves in on this little secret, making him the "SERPENT IN THE GENESIS GARDEN". As a sentence for passing on this knowledge, he was to work in the mines for the rest of his days--Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed...upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life as Genesis 3:14 tells us.
EN.KI, as the serpent, is no surprise, for his symbol, later the symbol of THOTH/HERMES and used today by the Medical Profession, is two intertwined serpents around a winged rod Caduceus, which by appearance alone suggests the DNA molecule.
Also, in the sentence was that his seed should be at war, enmity with the woman's seed, which implies race or tribal warfare. It is a possibility that EN.KI was also known as the God we recognize as Hephaestus or Vulcan from Greek and Roman Mythology. Hephaestus was thrown out of heaven by his mother, explaining the enmity between thee and the woman. He lived in the mines beneath the earth as the artificer of the gods, famous for the permanent limp caused by his fall from heaven. That limp, attributed to his fall from grace was also a feature never lacking in Mediaeval dramatic portrayals of the Devil.
My apologies to those of you who are Bible students, and which find this contradictory, however, the text of Scripture is a condensation of far more extensive Sumerian and other Mesopotamian Creation texts, that predated it by thousands of years. The reason God first creates mankind, then repents of having done it, then goes on to decree his destruction in the flood, and yet preserves a remnant, is because he is not perfect. He is a Council, A Society of coeval GODS, explaining how it is that actions occur without his awareness though he is suppose to be omniscient. God has to find out that man has disobeyed him, and eaten of the Tree of knowledge, he has to find out just what happened to Abel, not knowing when he arrived that Cain had killed him. He sends angels, indistinguishable from men, to find out if things are as Rockin in Sodom And Gomorrah as the angels have heard through the grapevine. So...when you get right down to the bare facts..the same God who created man, can also be the serpent in the Garden Of Eden cursed by God. There is more than one of Him, and they have not always been in agreement about what to do with us, Mankind since our creation.
According to modern day analyses of the fossil record..HOMO SAPIENS emerged as a distinct animal species somewhere between 300,000 B.C. and 700,000 B.C. As time went on, a number of sub-species of HOMO SAPIENS emerged, including that sub-species that all human beings belong today: HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS. They appeared a mere 30,000 years ago. Some say only 10,000 to 20,000 years ago.
Were the Sumerians referring to HOMO SAPIENS or HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS? If these Mesopotamian creation stories are based upon actual events, and if those stories refer to HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS, it would be impossible not to expect HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS to have appeared very suddenly in history.
Anthropological records reveal that HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS appeared on Earth abruptly not gradually. In other words, The puzzle of Darwin's missing link could be solved.
F. Clark Howell and T.D. White of the University of California at Berkely had this to say:
These people (Homo Sapiens Sapiens) and their initial material culture appear with seeming suddenness just over 30,000 years ago, probably earlier in eastern than in Western Europe.
Along with this mystery, another pops up into view.. NEANDERTHAL MAN (HOMO SAPIENS NEANDERTHALENSIS). He vanished at the same time modern HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS appeared. Evolution is not that fast! Howell and White explored this avenue and stated: "...the utter, almost abrupt disappearance of Neanderthal peoples are an important problem to which there is unfortunately no clear solution.
The Sumerian creation stories do offer a clear solution, but at the same time, it is one that many people would have a difficult time accepting. Man can be so blind. The sudden appearance of HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS, and the abrupt disappearance of NEANDERTHAL man was caused by intelligent intervention. What did they do with NEANDERTHAL man, exterminate him, haul him off to another galaxy, to make room for the new SLAVE race, to prevent breeding between the two subspecies?
Whatever the truth might be, we do know two facts beyond everything else. Modern Anthropology has discovered a sudden replacement for Neanderthal man with modern man, and the Mesopotamian records state that intelligent planning by an extra-terrestrial race was involved.

The correlations are there, between the events that shaped our civilization millions of years ago, and the signature of these visitors is indelibly written in stone. We need only seek.
Seek and ye shall find, and the truth shall set you free.

Copyright © 1997 Deborah Nuckles
All rights reserved. Please do not copy or reprint without express

Sea Of Darqueness

Sea Of Darqueness

I opened my eyes and the vision appeared,
Clothed in sweet mystery, not to be feared.
From off the horizon, into my view,
A darque barge appeared, a helmsman, no crew.
Somewhere from the deep, a voice beckoned me
To join the voyage, on this darque threatening sea.
Turbulent sea of suffering, chaotic currents abound,
A cold wind of silence, the only sound.
In the distance, a shadowy shape took form,
Deep in the midst, of a fiery, spiraling storm.
The epitome of suffering, chaos, and pain,
Beaten, scorched, and spat on, by the hellish rain.
One lonely surfer, riding waves Of flame
No one feels their passion, no one knows their pain.
Lost in heavens glory, cast below in gloom,
Wandering aimlessly for aeons,
Seeking freedom from their hellish doom.

Copyright © 1998 Deborah Nuckles-Honea
All rights reserved. Please do not copy or reprint without express

The Bitches Corner

Welcome to my Bitch Corner!

Do ya ever think about all the little things that really irritate you, adds up to be quite a list, huh? Well, here's mine! Please bookmark this page, as it is surely to be updated frequently.
Answering Machines
...."I'm not in right now, sorry I missed you, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back with you"....and you're thinking...I'll bet they are screening their you try again and you're already irritated, so you "LEAVE" a message and it never comes out as you intended. Suddenly, your phone rings and you hear a voice on the other end.."Hey, you called"? NO, not me,...must have been a malfunction on your machine...OF COURSE, I called...I left you a freaking message and that is why you are calling me back! Rage against the Machine.......!!!!!!!!!!!
Worse...the recorded messages that give you all of the numbered options. Somtimes, you can bypass all the crap by supressing "0" which will get you a "LIVE" person called the "Operator". On the other hand, after trying different combinations, then pressing "O", you may get, "I'm sorry that is not an option, please try your call again"...after you have waited patiently for what seems an eterinity for the "Next Available Representative"......Rage against the Machine.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MasterCard Mammaries!
Have you ever stopped to consider how much time, effort, and money has gone into the development of Cosmetic Surgical procedures for the enlargement of women's breasts? What is it about huge breasts that are drawing these women into Cosmetic Surgery Clinics at the Special rate of $5000.00? Cmon, girls..did it ever occur to you that your fellas know that's not really you? Don't you feel strange? Do you play tennis, golf? Can't imagine teeing off with 2lbs of silicone sitting on my chest. If it's to appeal to the male system, be that generally go after a woman with the giant mammaries..usually have a Mother fixation.
So...if you want to change diapers the rest of your life..get your butt tucked. If you need the self-esteem boost, buy a padded bra! In other words, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade..Accent the positive and de-emphasize the negative and above all...Steer Clear of nasty men that think oversized sweat glands are sexy....think about it!

Ten years ago I gave birth to my last child, by Caesarean birth. Unfortunately, there is a rule...designed by the Patriarchal society..if you have one Caesarean must have another.
For those of you with only one child, take heed..the first is a piece of cake. All consecutive births..worsen each time. The catch22 is called "Afterpains". They say that you do not remember the pain of Childbirth..Horse Feathers! Nobody can forget that pain. The first two births..nothing. The last birth..soon after the delivery, I was taken to recovery. Knowing from past experience that I needed to get up and walk, or have a slow recovery, I attempted to get out of the bed. Very difficult, for I was only 3 hours postpartum, but I knew that I must walk. A room was being readied for me and I was told it would be a couple of hours. Very slowly, I took about 4 baby steps... "ouch!!!!" Must get back into the bed, Now!
Later on, they moved me to my own little room, complete with TV, bath, and this strange looking robotic machine, that was for better words a Joy Box. Wonderful invention, this Joy Box. We would become very good friends in a very short time.
This nice, sweet nurse kindly helped me into the bed, and re-routed my IV to the Joy Box. She left the room and I soon dozed off briefly, and was awakened by this same kind, sweet nurse, telling me that she had to check my incision. She woke me up for that? She was very careful, methodical, professional and nice! In School, they teach us to INFORM the patient during treatment. This nice, sweet nurse suddenly took both of her hands and pressed my lower abdomen so hard that I know she felt my backbone. She did not INFORM me!
Don't think that I screamed..but tried, no sound came. She backed away, evidently seeing the terror in my face. My eyes were glued to her...she moved toward me again and started to place her hands on my tummy. Quickly I grabbed her by the wrists and said "Oh, no you don't! She replied This is very, very necessary if I dont do this, you could become very sick and it could be fatal!
My guard weakened and feeling hopelessly at her mercy, I submitted to the torture again. She continued coming into the room, for a couple of hours, doing the tummy press. Shortly after, she discontinued her visits, I began to have waves of pains, similar to labor contractions.
At first, they were barely cramps, progressing quickly into major pain. A shift change brought a new nurse to my rescue and she at once, noticed what was happening. I Explained to her that I had already had two children and had never gone through this type of pain. Subtly mentioning the "Nurse From Hell", I was very quick to remind the new nurse that I never wanted to see that person again, as I was convinced that she had caused my pain. threshold is super, but this wasn't tolerable for me. She smiled and said..yes, it seems to be worse for you three times Moms. Suddenly I became a stereotype, a statistic! Oh great! She then explained about the Joy Box, to which I quickly became very attached to. She told me to watch the monitor and observe the Wave!
Surfing? Yes, I can do that! She finally left me and I kept my attention to the Monitor graph, observing the building of the wave. Just like surfing, you lie there peacefully, relaxing, breathing..watching the wave build, thinking I am one with the wave..I am one with the wave as it approaches, you turn and begin paddling, picking up have Lift Off!
relax and breathe, observing the needle on the monitor screen. It was remarkable! I could see the contraction, before I felt the I was prepared. I imagined myself in the ocean..just as if I was surfing and when the graph topped of..I pushed the button! BonZai! Each time I observed the wave of hell approaching..I would become One with the wave with my finger on the button! Lala Land, here I come! So ladies, please be doesn't get easier! Learn to Surf, it helps!

Fast Food Drive-Thru's
Gone are the days of the pile the kids in the car and drive to the Burger Castle, with the curb hops, and silver trays on the side of the car and the music blasting out of outdoor speakers! They have been replaced with Drive-Thru's! Yep..every fast food chain has got them. At my house, piling teenagers in the car and going through the Drive-thru at Mickey D's or Hardees` can be a hellish experience. Its really neat, how the franchise' have attempted to simplify their menus by offering the Combo's! At first, they didn't have numbers. You may choose from the Cheeseburger Combo, Double-Cheeseburger Combo, or if you are not into Dead Cow, theres the Chicken Filet Combo! That was easy..but..dealing with New Age Children of this century, who only think in terms of Numbers,...(Mom, I need 5 make 10 bucks..will pay you back in 5 days!) they attached numbers to the combos for ease of ordering.
Still these New Age Children are perplexed....! Each and every one are individual little souls, with individual taste...some like lettuce, some like no lettuce, some like pickles, some say No pickles..on and on! To no avail, just when you think you have told the little talking box what you want, in the midst of 7 mouths going at the same time..the little talking box repeats to you what you have ordered and has it all messed up! You are not feeling are very the back seat..the kid with the perpetual wise remarks..Hey Mom, I wanted a frisco got me a bacon burger! And he doesn't let up. By the way, not my son..everyone calls me Mom! Cause I'm the only one that has the courage to take these brain-damaged, generation-X, creatures to these places! You turn around and at the top of your scream not very nice words at this brain damaged Rocky wannabe!
You have now informed the entire staff in McDonalds that you are a un-armed dangerous person..carrying a carload of brain-damaged misfits! You drive up to the pick-up window..and the attendant smiles and takes your money..while her eyes shift to the rear of the car, you notice that she gets a rather embarrased look on her face! What you don't see is the boys in the back giving her smooch faces..and you're thinking... What's her problem?!

Copyright © 1998 Deborah Nuckles
All rights reserved. Please do not copy or reprint without express

Tribute To Jesse And Sadie - My Parents

This page is dedicated to my parents, Sadie and Jesse and my sister Marilyn "Sue", who were owners of the first Barbecue Restaurants in Greensboro, N.C. up until 1990 when the doors were finally closed.

For "Non-Tarheels" and those unfamiliar with Greensboro, Nuckles Barbecue was established in 1936, the oldest Barbecue Restaurant under the same owner in the Central Piedmont town. Nuckles catered to the Northeastern part of the city, surrounded by the early textile elements such as Cone Mill, Webbing Mill and Burlington Mills.

Sadie and Jesse, well known throughout the area with popularity extending into the Southern Virginia region, attracting customers from the border town of Danville and beyond who traveled for Jesse and Sadie's "Southern Cooking Talents" and Carolinian hospitality.

During the early fifties, the business thrived and was typical of the "Happy Days" paradigm of curb hops, juke box blasting out of speakers attached at each corner of the building, an always jammed parking lot, with silver trays on the car. It was "The In Spot" for the local teenagers and their parents.

Nuckles Barbecue provided a comfortable atmosphere, and clientele returned often, adding "a trip to Jess's", to their weekly family agenda. Most customers were life-long friends, some of whom had grown up in Proximity, White Oak and the Revolution area of Northeast Greensboro. The textile mills were the background of the economy in those days...they worked hard and they loved to come to Nuckles to eat Chicken and Gravy Sandwiches and home cooking...

Jesse Whitaker Nuckles, usually called "Jessie" by those that knew him, one of five sons and a daughter born to Richard, a Scotch-Irishman and Emma, of German-Jewish descent.

Sometime in 1933 around the height of the depression Jesse left Greensboro and hopped a train en route to Washington, D.C. on a trip that would be the catalyst of his cooking career. He landed a job at Ebbitts Grill in Washington D.C. training under the auspices of Head Chef, Hector Andrews. Several years later, he returned to Greensboro, and began working for E.C. White's grill that later became Jones Barbecue in the Phillips Avenue Area of Greensboro. It was during his association with White that he got his little brother Arnold a position there and that's how it began.

The restaurant on Summit was the first business to open by Jess, and not long afterwards, with a the help of his Mom and Dad, Arnold opened the "Drive In" as it was called on 29N.

Sadie Parker, was one of five daughters born to Sophronia Purvis, of Southern Wales/France descent and an Englishman, named Robert E. Lee Parker. Sadie was born in Marlboro County, on the border of Hamlet and Rockingham. As a young girl, her family moved to Rockingham, where she attended school and later moved to Greensboro after the passing of her Mother.
Sadie and Jesse married in April, 1932 and remained in Greensboro raising their three daughters, Mitzi, Sue and Deborah. It was in the Rankin community, they would build a business that would become landmark of Northeast Greensboro.

Over the course of years, the business, would play host to a large variety of customers and quite a few from the Entertainment world. During the early 1950's Elvis Presley reportedly made rounds of the Paragon and our restaurant while on the road during his early promotional tours. George Lindsay of "Andy Griffith" fame frequented the restaurant during his guest appearances at the Greater Greensboro Open Golf Tournament, held yearly at Forest Oaks, which is also the home of another regular, Billy "Crash" Craddock, of Country Music fame.

The Building, older, quaint and reminiscent of Bavarian Architecture withstood the test of time. Jesse was not interested in major renovations to keep in step with the rapidly growing fast food chains. Cleanliness was paramount to his operation, and quality ingredients were always of the utmost importance.

Barbecue was his specialty, and he took great pride in his methods. When asked why he did not add his Sauce to the meat, as most Barbecue Specialists are known to do. He replied "I want my customers to taste my barbecue, not my sauce." This was true, as his Barbecue sauce was a compliment to the pork, not an addition.

He was also noted for his "Chicken Sandwich". He fried 20-30 chickens per day in 9 huge cast iron skillets. He frowned upon deep-fried chicken, claiming that it cooks to fast, and chicken is definately not a meat to be eaten medium well or rare!

He would drain the oil (Wesson, his oil of choice) and steam the chicken until it formed a golden gravy. The sight of the chicken basking in the golden gravy could make the most weight conscious person abandon a diet. Chicken gravy sandwiches were the answer to the financially crippled high school crowd.

As for the now popular "value meals" for $3.49..... at Nuckles, a student could get 3 gravy sandwiches and a coke for less than a dollar.

Hot Dogs, the best in town. His chili was 100% Beef, which was cooked to perfection. His cole slaw was a simple novelty...fresh chopped cabbage marinated in a weakened vinegar base. It complimented Hot dogs, Barbecue, and Hamburgers.

Dinner Entrees included a choice of meat and two vegetables. Vegetables were prepared and seasoned to perfection. Meat choices were Barbecue, Chicken, Country Style Steak and Ham, Mom's Chicken and Dumplings, Chicken Dressing and Chicken Livers. The choice of vegetables was a variety including but not specific to Mashed Potatoes, Turnip Greens, Collards, Squash, Lima Beans, Green Beans, Candied Yams, Candied Carrots, English Peas, Pinto Beans, Broccoli and Cauliflower, Macaroni and Cheese....a complete variety, cooked to perfection!

Everyday A large pan of delicious Cornbread, and either a Banana Pudding or Peach Cobbler was available, also prepared by Mother, or my sister Sue.

This was a family restaurant. Mom and Dad, along with my sister, strived to make the customers feel at home. While my sister remained with the Restaraunt moving into the position of Manager, my work was only part-time, as I left to become a Member of the NC National Guard, and eventually did a lateral move to active duty in the US Navy, serving as the base Aviation Medical Tech and member of the Navy Search and Rescue Team.

Our restauraunt was a family household word that encompassed over 50 years of service. In the early 70's, Jesse became ill with Colon Cancer, but continued to work at what he loved. He was limited in the time he could spend however, he remained productive until his passing in the late 80's. His love was the "Stand" as it was called, and his wife, Sadie.

Their establishment was a place to relax, eat, and talk. Dad's favorite pastime was conversing with the customers and reminiscing about old times. He and Mother would often go down on Sunday during close of business hours and sit at the center table and have a glass of tea. This was their special time.

Their "Stand" would always exist there on Summit Avenue in Greensboro in the hearts and minds of those that were a part of this era.

After the passing of my father, Mother reopened the doors once more, after minor exterior renovation and continued on for nearly 7 years. This is what he would have wanted her to do..and this was her way of dealing with her grief and remaining connected to him, after all he was there more than he was at home. Shortly after the business finally closed, Mother passed away at the age of 82.

As for me, my residence is in the southern coastal region of North Carolina. My entourage consists of three sons, and my Cat.
My oldest sister resides in Charlotte, NC, and my middle sister, lives in Greensboro and is retired along with her husband.

The property is on the market, and the building is looking much older and decrepid. The parking lot is empty and the area is ever changing, hardly recognizable to me, and we can't just stop in and get a Barbecue, or a gravy sandwich anymore..but the energy is there, because, if you ever knew Mom and Dad, they left their memories behind, and will forever be in our memory, Past through the Present..and we'll be missing them!

Copyright © 1999 Deborah Nuckles
All rights reserved. Please do not copy or reprint without express

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.__Dylan Thomas

In Memory Of My Mother

Sadie Nuckles

From you I perceive the symbolics of the Ancients, Through your love and guidance I experienced the awakening.

From the East, you are the Gemini winds of change, the Aquarian breeze of new ideas, Libra's sense of balance and the Power of the Mind. You live in me as I continue to use and expand the gifts of my intellect, communicate to others what I have learned from you, and remain open to new ideas and growth through change. And so Mother, you are with me always.

To the South, you are the surging energy of Aries, the bright radiance of Leo, the vibrant enthusiasm and idealism of Sagittarius, the Power of Spirit. You live in me whenever I follow your example by charging forth to take charge and explore a new idea in which I believe, and when I shine with the sheer joy of life. And so Mother, you are with me always.

To the West, you are the nurturing womb of Cancer, the deep mysterious pools of Scorpio, the ocean of compassion that is Pisces, the emotional Power of Soul. You live in me as I nurture the development of my three sons and others who come to me in need, as I probe for self-awareness and connect with others in compassion and in love. And so Mother, you are with me always.

To the North, you are the solid ground of Taurean stability, and the immense natural order that is Virgo, and the Capricorn mountains life calls me to climb. You live in me when, like yourself, with quiet, stubborn persistence, you stick with a task until it is right, ground your idealism in practical structure, and always strive to climb the "highest mountain". And so Mother, you are with me always.

© 1995 Deborah Nuckles All Rights Reserved

The Beckoning

The Beckoning
She calls to me, from the sunroom,
Mental images acknowledge her voice,
I continue in my playworld without hesitation.
Again, the voice summons me,
Agitated, yet carefree, I accept the beckoning call.
I return to her watchfulness.
She calls to me, amidst the noise of my youth,
Sounds of Rock and Roll, my latest love, friends, echo in the background.
I continue in my Teen World of excitement and wonder. The voice summons me,
Agitated, embarrased, and annoyed, I accept the beckoning call.
I return to her watchfulness.
She calls to me, from miles away.
Distance softens the summoning of the voice.
I continue in my Mother world of nurturing
Her need to be watchful shifts to her Grandchildren.
The voice of loneliness calls to me,
She misses us so, always caring, wondering,
Expectation of Sunday morning talks, I accept the beckoning call.
The boys are fine, Mother.
She passes to me the gift of watchfulness, I accept.
She calls to me now, In quite solitude,
The melody of her voice, is but a memory in the harmony of my soul,
Translated into the essence of Maternal love.
She speaks to me in the twilight, After the moon has gone to sleep.
She softly summons me to listen,
Longingly, full of melancholia, I accept the beckoning call.
I return to her watchfulness, listening, learning.
I AM the daughter of My Mother
© 1995 Deborah Nuckles All Rights Reserved

Suffer The Little Children...Forbid Them Not!

In Memory Of Aaron Bullard
The world has gone mad...nobody ever takes time to stop and think what if... Nobody ever takes the time to care about the other person that may be less fortunate as others. Somewhere it is written, that we are not promised another day. Again, it is written, the past is gone, the future hasn't happened, and the present is a gift...thats why its called the present.
Do you let the sun set on your anger? Is there someone in your past that you have hurt, even though you feel justified in your anger toward the person? Have you become angry at your child, and failed to give he/she that hug before bed? Have you forgotten in your mad dash to start the day, to tell them you love them before they leave for school, work?
After you read this, you will maybe think twice about forgetting to do those things.
Last year, a friend of my oldest son, in a heated argument with his Father, was told to leave his home. Although 17, he was a child..people seem to think because a teenager reaches the age to date, shave, smoke and do all of those crazy things that we all have done at one time or another...that they cease to be a child. How many Mothers can look upon their grown children and not see the little curly haired two year old, the thumb sucker holding his blanket, beneath the long haired, bearded look of the present? Thats what being a Mom is all matter how old...they will always be Mom's babes.
Children are gifts, to be nurtured, taught and loved..if we fail in doing those things, do we push them aside, when they dont live up to our expectations?
Although, most of you know where I stand religiously, somewhere in the New Testament of the Christian bible, a story is told about God/Goddess' love for their children. Do you think because we make mistakes, fail or totally screw up our lives with wrong choices, bad decisions, we get kicked out of the "Eternity Club"?
I'm sure some christians would have you believe that if you do this or that, you will burn in a fiery torment of hellfire and brimstone...which is mere myth, not to mention the focus of cartoons and horror flics and a control mechanism devised by the early church fathers.
Don't believe so!! We are children of the God/Goddess...and we are loved unconditionally...which means, no matter how many times we fall down along our path, screw things up, they somehow pick us up...brush us off and somehow guide us onward. That doesn't mean that we do not suffer the consequences of our actions, although, if we realise our errors, I believe things go a bit smoother for us!! Can we as parents, do any less for our children?
Last year, late in the evening, a knock came upon my door. All of the family was asleep, and I was heading toward the bed myself. It was a very cold wintery night, unusually cold for Wilmington, and worse, it was raining.
Standing at my door, soaking wet, shivering was a friend of my older son's, who had walked nearly 6 miles to get to my home. This child was a child caught up between the judicial systems "Joint Custody" snafu.
The Mother expressed to me that she couldn't afford to support him, as she had a boyfriend, and another child and couldn't allow him to live with her.
The Father, who had a girlfriend with several daughters living at home, had just kicked him out. Evidently, there was a problem, as he felt neglected, and a party to impartial treatment by his Dad. He expressed to me that his Dad use to take up time with him, but now he never had time for him. So there were some issues...but still..he was a babe, walking around in a 17 year old young man's body...turned out into the world, as a ploy to teach him a lesson.
Such a harsh lesson for a teenager, with problems. Its a scary world..and for a young person who is not ready to face that world, its a nightmare!
A long time friend of my older son, Nick, he turned to me, and asked could he spend the night at my home. Everyone in my neighborhood knew that I would never turn a child away, and most of the parents that seemingly used the same ploy trying to teach their kids a lesson...telling them "If you can't follow my rules, theres the door"...could easily find them at my home, the safe haven for the refugees of the neighborhood.
It was only a few years ago that two teenagers were found murdered in a field, nearby my when kids were out late, I was concerned. I couldn't turn this kid away...
However, this child was still in school, and it was Sunday evening, and he didn't go to the same school as my children, so there was another problem.
He was a very bright kid, academically advanced and most of all very polite. Now...he could have been the terror of the town, away from me, but I never had any trouble from him, and couldn't ask for a nicer kid.
We talked for awhile, and I gave him some medicine for his cough and sent him on his way to my sons room. While we were talking, I asked if he wanted me to call his Mom and he shook his head and said "no, it won't do any good, she won't let me come home".
This was just not something I could relate to, as if my older boys were out late I would be on edge until they returned home. I just couldn't imagine a Mother, turning a son away.
Nonetheless, I called her and left a message on her voice mail, expressing that her son was at my home, and needed a place to go and medical attention.
When I called the Father, he said that the boy couldn't come back home and that since he was at my home and had a place to stay for the night that tomorrow I would find all of his belongings in my front yard. When I told the Father that the boy was sick, he said this was my problem I just hung the phone up...thinking that was not going anywhere.
His Mom never returned the call, and the next morning, I had to go to work, and my children left for school. This child was sick and needed to be seen by a Doctor.
Infuriated by the neglect of the parents, I asked the boy where his Mom worked...and proceeded to call her there. When I finally got through the security of the plant that she worked in...they connected me to her supervisor. It took nearly 30 minutes to get to her supervisor, and the clock was ticking...I was going to be late for work. Her supervisor stated that unless it was an emergency she could not be called to the phone, and thats when I couldn't hold it any longer. I expressed to him my apologies and that her son was at my home, sick...needed medical attention and that my attempts to get her to return my call were to say the least ignored. He said he would tell her.
Within 5 minutes, she called me back, threatening me, for calling her on her job. When I asked about her son, she his Father. Finally, the authorities located the boys Grandmother who allowed him to go with her.
These people were christians..this Mother was a Southern Baptist Mother.
Its written somewhere, that Jesus said...Suffer the little children to come unto me, forbid them not. And there is another verse that states...and if you do as much for one of these, you have done so unto me.
Well, the reason that I am writing this story, is because two weeks ago, this child was killed in a car accident very close to the neighborhood I use to live in. Its alleged that a drunk driver passed illegaly and resulted in a head on collision.
It's broken my heart, that he had such a short time on this earth..and in talking to others, have learned that he had finally gotten his life together and was happy.
He gave me a gift one day, and I won't ever forget it. He overheard me saying that I liked the music of Daryl Hall and John Oates, and surprised me with a limited edition double CD. He said it was a gift for his special Mom.
Just remember, never let someone you care about leave without giving them a hug. Don't let the sun set on your anger with someone. We are not promised another day treasure the moments you have with those that you love, and remember that once upon a time you were their age also, making stupid mistakes, learning lessons that you felt were so unfair.
Its very difficult for youth today, as they are faced with many stresses that we as parents never had to deal with. Children today, used as drug messengers, guns brought to school, educational funds diminished!!
Public Education has taken a downhill turn and more and more parents are placing their children in private schools.
Academically Gifted children are fed dosages of ritalin, turning them into mindless zombies, to slow their minds down because nobody wants to take the necessary time to spend one on one with them. Super intelligent kids, but deemed problem children.
Mental energy, when not used turns into nervous energy. The child is restless, bored in school, unable to focus, and this leads to impulsive behavior, which generally turns into disciplinary problems.
Have you been to a high school lately? Would you want to be a teacher in high school? There isn't enough money to pay me to sit in a class room! Teachers are shown complete disrepect, threatened, attacked with abusive language. This comes from children that are not taught respect at home.
The children are sent to school, expecting the school to teach them, and that is not a part of the curriculum. Come on people, get a grip...stop using the schools as babysitters and focus on your children. Buy them a piano, a guitar...let them take gymnastics...STIMULATE THEM!!!
Talk to them, listen to what they have to say for a could learn something. When they ask you questions, that you think are off the wall..stop and take the time to answer them. My twelve year old is a quick mind gemini, ruled by Mercury, inquisitive and loves to ask questions and give insights. You would be surprised how wise some of these little creatures are...when you take the time to hear them out.
My parents never told me to "shut up", and to this day...that is something that I look at very hard when I hear another parent say that to a child...or to anyone. It is very rude, and something southern people do not do..unless the are ill bred. You are actually telling a person, that you do not want to hear what they have to say, that you have no absolutely no respect for their thoughts..which in effect is showing disrespect for that soul. Think about that the next time you tell someone to "shut up".
How many of you were that young boy or girl who had no place to sleep? Think about it.....think about the arguments that you had with your parents...did they turn you out in the cold? Did they refuse to allow you to come home?
How many times, in the heat of an argument did they say..."If you can't follow the rules, get out", or better still..."This is my house, and as long as you live under my roof, you will follow the rules of this house, and if you don't like it, you can leave"? Thats a good one! I remember that one...generally by the time that line comes along, you realise that you'd better shut up, back up and regroup. Sure, you may go through the motions of packing your stuff, making a mess in your room, realising all the time that you aren't going anywhere, and you will spend the rest of your evening, cleaning up the mess you are making.
Kids, no matter how old you are....generally your parents are right. Sadly, some of the times, the issues they target are the ones that you are most connected to. Most of the time, your choices of friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, hangouts are the targets.
Listen to them..they see beyond what you see. This is how I explained it to my children...and nope, it didn't always work...but I planted the seed, hopefully it will sprout someday. Using visualisation skills and a small box, with colored sides. Place the box in front of them very close...and ask them the color of the sides of the box..impossible to see all of the sides of the box as its being held close to your eyes..but when you pull it away...and observe from different angles, the sides become viewable.
Its not easy to see our lives because we are so engrossed in the issues, but when we pull away and view our actions, we get a different perspective and generally thats what parents do...they see things that kids can't see. This is an adult issue to...not just with kids. Some adults can back up and regroup...others can't. Get a box...practice!
So basically, what I'm trying to say...when you love someone let them know. Don't go to sleep at night with ill feelings toward someone you care for. If you have children, never let them go to sleep without closing the day with a hug or telling them you love matter how old they are.
Remember we were their age at one time...and its not easy being a kid...and if we as parents, aren't careful, we can make it very difficult for them to become an adult.
Aaron, wherever you were loved by your special "Mom

The Henge - A Magical Tale Of Romance And Sorrow


It is a clear, starlit night in Spring, the eve of the Vernal Equinox, in a once and future time. You are alone with him at an ancient stone henge. The tall stones are shimmering with a platinum light as they stand majestically, mystically silhouetted against the indigo sky. It is an evening for Deep Magick as only the two of you know.
In the center of the henge is a blue stone altar, carved with elemental symbols of power and sacred spiritual wisdoms. On the altar, beautiful stones and crystals reflect the light of springtimes large fullest moon. Violet, indigo, and blue lights flash in the moonlight from these altar stones, Amethyst, Azurite, and mysterious milky Opals. You add your own special crystal to the stones, a dark Amethyst, that you have kept very close to you for years, symbolizing the synthesis of yourself.
The henge of stones stands encircled by a grove of sacred Oak trees, eternally connected to the lands and realms of spirit. A soft breeze blows in from the forest grove and sweeps through the henge, making swirling patterns in the grasses and heather on the ground. Tall wax pillars burn brightly upon the altar, illuminating the henges with a quiet mysterious glow of energy, power.
He stands facing you across the altar. Both of you are dressed in robes of royal blue, on which symbols of your mystical rank and power are embroidered in threads of platinum, copper, silver, and gold. As the Drawing Down The Moon ritual comes to an end, you stand before him in the direction of the south, representing the South Goddess, the Lover. You make a slight gesture and the robe falls gracefully from your body. You stand before him skyclad, your body illuminated by his wondrous presence, your passion liquified, as dew forms on the rose.
He calls you forth and takes you by the hand, pulling you into his strong arms. Gazing into your eyes, he calls out your secret name in a whispering echo, that sends a vibration to each of the stones..His lips meet yours in a kiss that stops time as his body presses into you, allowing you to feel his passion.
In a fragment of the moment, you are lying on the Altar stone, placed between the two pillars. He leans over, allowing his lips to trace your body, while his hands trace sigils in strategic places. In that moment you are aware of only his presence, the burning passion enflaming you, and the contrast of the cool blue stone against your skin. He disrobes and stands before you revealing his form, his stature, his passion, his Godliness..
He bends over and kisses your forehead and cheek, and finally his lips find yours in a deep soulful kiss. His strong hands gently caressing your shoulder, move skillfully down to fondle your breasts, taking the nipples between his fingers and then gently between his teeth. Your arms embrace him and pull him closer. You suddenly lose consciousness to everything but his presence, and the awareness of him. Nothing exists in the world except for his hands touching you, and his lips exploring, and the pulse of energy in your own fingers running down the smooth skin of his shoulders, his back, the soft dark hair of his chest. Your body moves against him, clinging in hunger, moaning, you cannot bear to wait any longer. He continues to kiss you gently, his hands moving to stroke and soothe you, but you do not want to be soothed. Your body cries out for completion, hunger, sheer agony. You try to speak, to call out to him, to beg him, but only a sobbing whimper escapes.. His lips imprison your cries. You move against him, hungry, your mouth accepting his kisses, entreating.
You feel dizzied, shakened with passion, sweeping through you like the tide surging in and covering a beach on the night of a full Moon, drowning, submerged in the passion of his kiss. He holds you gently against him, still stroking you. Your awareness, intuned only to the flow of life between your bodies, male and female, the tides of the Goddess that rises within and compels them..Only he can arouse this flame of passion within you, and the flame had burst forth powerful, all consuming.
You speak to him in silence, gaze fixed upon his dark eyes..a language that is eternal, immortal, somewhere in time recorded only in the memories of your souls.
He lifts you from the cold hard stone, gently laying you on a bed of soft fallen leaves. Eyes meeting once again in an enraptured gaze, he lowers himself to your lips, kissing you tenderly. He kneels before you as your thighs part to accept him. Entering slowly, gently, a shudder comes over him.. He cries out...lunging deep, taking you completely, moving slowly yet forceful. The nocturnal bliss of the dance begins, as you move in a synastrial rhythm, weaving energies, blending into one.
His pace gradually quickens, as you rise and fall meeting him, back arched, pelvis thrusting upward to take him with each entry.. Bodies glisten in the night, sweat drenched, cries and moans of ecstasy resound, as you near the summit of the upward climb. Relentlessly, he moves into you, rhythmically, creating a symphony of bliss. Gracefully, your body rises and falls to meet his every thrust, taking him deeper and deeper.. The sounds of life around you resonate as your energy permeates the air..
You see his body tense, his force intensifies, pounding deeper into you...The vibration begins, spiraling, fumbling as your inner walls tighten around him, throbbing, pulsing, caressing him.. you can't hold back, and signal him, digging your nails into his back. His cries pierce the night, still driving into you, plunging..exploding, his seed bursting forth... Your first waves begin and suddenly your eyes widen....your heart skips a beat, silence, shock......fear invades the sacredness of the moment..terror replaces joy. The shadowed darkness hovering over you takes shape behind him...the shadow forms..a small creature, holding an object, raised overhead.. You make an attempt to cry out to him, but he confuses your cries of terror with those of passion.. You know what is happening and cannot speak.. The creature moves closer, and now you see the sword glistening above, taking aim, plunging. With all of your might, your arms push forth, casting him from harms way, as your hands return quickly to make a thwarted attempt to stop the blade.
Searing pain, momentarily..the outer dissolution begins..senses dulled..voices ring deafening screams, you cannot make out the words that are see only outlines of the two details..the eye of consciousness is rapidly try to focus on him, you vaguely sense his presence as he is being held off from you..
You make an attempt to raise yourself from the warm ,blood-soaked earth beneath you, reaching out to him, but your body has began to lose all its strength..drained of all energy.. You cannot get up, nor support your head...You feel as if a huge mountain were being pressed down upon you, and you were being squashed by it..
It becomes difficult to open and close your eyes, as the aggregate of form is dissolving. Weak and become agitated and delirious. You weakly call out to him, and sink into drowsiness. As you fall into a slumber, a Secret Sign appears in your mind as a vision of a shimmering image. You sense his presence in this dream state momentarily as a familiar embrace and a whisper of "Another Tyme" echoes. An inner knowing is present within the shadow of death, such tenderness of are at peace with him.. His words gently tap your vague consciousness and flee from your awareness like a raven in flight.
Thoughtlessness, here.. no other thoughts are present. All the thought states resulting from desire, cease to function and you experience a powerful feeling of bliss...your perception of time no longer exists..waves of consciousness flow in and out..moving you to new levels..floating like a feather` then through a spiral..
Blackness ensues like an empty sky shrouded in utter of delusion..You become slightly conscious your awareness once again shifts.
Some call it the Ground Luminosity, I choose the clear light..whatever the name..its the moment of death that is the liberation...enlightenment, perhaps. Maybe that point when we have actually been introduced to the true nature of our minds..for some that is.. No hate, fear, sadness, or pain..past conditioning,old reflexes..negativities..No control..only peace.
And I beheld an immaculate of clouds, fog or mist....The clear light of death is upon me.
Hello light..old friend, nice to see you once again!

Adam And Eve Revisited....

Setting: Garden of Eden
Enter- Adam and God
God: Adam what are you doing? (He is omni-everything, yet he asks this question)!
Adam: "Good Morning, Father, I'm just walking around checking out the plants, veggies, flowers, trees you created."
God: "And....the little woman, (Eve) How is she...?
Adam: "Fine, home, probably trying out new veggie and fruit recipes, making baskets out of tree limbs, cleaning, combing her beautiful long hair, experimenting with her latest project, creating new shades of lip gloss out of tree resin, pomegranates, lemons! She manages to keep busy while I'm away at work naming all of the plants, trees and tending the garden."
God: "Amazing creation, Eve....mastered the art of creation with her, don't you think? God replied...and suddenly turned his attention to the east of the garden, and a beautiful spacious tree, filled with shiny red fruit... seemingly isolated from the others, yet slightly visible... "See that tree over there, Adam"?
Adam turned his gaze to the east rear garden area, and replied "The Forbidden Tree"? "yes that one", God continued "Just continue to ignore that tree completely, for it is already named the "Tree of Knowledge of Good And Evil". Do not bother it, it is forbidden, nor shall you eat of it's fruit, or you will surely die"!
Adam: (listening to his Father's instructions attentively about the forbidden tree ) "I understand, and shall not go near it."
So....Adam continues his work in the garden and God continues on, walking through the Garden, observing his creation, just as a CEO will walk through corporate headquarters examining each department, making sure everything is running smoothly and according to company specifications.
Meanwhile, back home, Eve, has just finished cleaning the cave where she and Adam reside, tidying up Adam's mess from the night before and decides to go and gather some fruit for a tantalizing, scrumptious fruit salad....for their evening meal.
She combs her long shiny locks, grabs a basket, and goes on her adventure. She wanders through the garden, stopping every now and then to speak to the wildlife, the rabbit, the ostrich, the peacock and manages to pluck a few feathers from the peacock for table decor....
As she continues on her way, she crosses paths with her helpmate Adam who has just finished meeting with the Father.
Adam: "Hello Eve, How's your day"?
Eve: "Just out gathering some fruit for dinner, how did your meeting with the Father go"?
Adam: "About the same as always, just shop talk, husbandry, Horticulture, the usual....and of course there's the business about that "Tree" in the eastern part of the garden", doesn't want me to go near that tree for some reason....and reminded me again".
Eve: "Thats nice, Adam, I really must go, as I want to get this fruit gathering out of the way, so I can start dinner, see you at home later"!
Adam: "Great, get Mr. Monkey to grab a few coconuts for you, so we can have a couple of colada's tonight, while you're out"!
She gathers a bounty of fruits, nuts and vegetables, lemons, limes, oranges, cherries, strawberries, kumquats, mangoes, pomegranates, guava, bananas, plaintains, lichi nuts....fresh mint, almonds, pecans, walnuts and macadamian nuts.....and employs the aid of Mr. Monkey to assist her in obtaining several coconuts for the Colada's...
Her basket is quite complete now, with the exception of a few vegetables that she failed to obtain but decided to postpone veggies until the following week She noticed she had journeyed farther east than she had planned...thinking that she possibly should have forgone the added coconuts that had placed considerable weight into her already filled basket..
She spotted a spacious tree in the corner, isolated from the rest, but nonetheless strikingly beautiful and inviting....she hesitated thinking, "Why is this garden treasure all alone away from the other plants and trees"? Remembering something Adam mentioned earlier, about a forbidden tree, she edged closer to the gorgeous tree with beautiful red ripe shiny fruit hanging from the branches...the shadow of something moved from behind the tree, the shadow resembled the shape of a serpent, but the closer she got to the towering tree....the more vivid the image became and suddenly an unusual creature, likened unto a man, but very pleasantly attractive, stepped from behind the tree and greeted her. Startled as the only man she had ever seen was Adam, not much to look at but a hard-working man.
Creature: "Good afternoon, Eve, I see you are gathering fruits from the garden, and through my observance, I notice that you are hesitant on retreiving fruit from this tree.
Eve: "Do I know you? How do you know my name"? she replied, wondering who this creature was....she continued..."Yes, I do not feel that I have any room left yet the fruit is so beautiful and I believe this is the fruit that my companion, Adam may have been referring to earlier as being "forbidden".
Creature: "Adam said he didn't"! That's absurd, how can this scrumptiously delicious fruit be considered forbidden"? The Nutritional Factors alone are amazing...high in Vitamin C, D, E, F, G, fights Free Radicals which inhibits the growth of Cancer, promotes strong bones, beautiful hair and nails, and is rich in enzymes that benefit not only your complexion but helps to keep off pounds that leads to lower cholestrol and helps keep that gorgeous body you have!
Eve: (Blushing and really taking in this stranger's compliments she already begins to feel a fluttering in the pit of her flat tummy).....nervously she explains "He mentioned something about God forbidding him to eat of this fruit or even go near it...or he would surely die!"
Creature: "Let me get this right, sweetheart", he said, snatching one of the bright crisp red fruits from a low hanging branch, biting into it, releasing juices that glistened in the late afternoon sun, as he walked toward Eve, smiling assuredly. "So....eating of this fruit will cause you to die, that's what Adam was told, right"?
Eve:"Yes, of course, God said, "Ye will surely die"!
Creature: (Laughing hysterically) "And...Adam believed that and told you not to come near the tree and eat of it"?
Eve: Yes, it is forbidden, or else we shall perish.
Creature: (consumes the remainder of the fruit and looks deeply into the eyes of Eve) "Beautiful Creature, Woman, you surely will not.....perish! Look at me, have I perished? Am I not the most gorgeous creature you have ever I not stir new feelings of pleasure and joy that you have never felt before?
Eve: (mesmerized) "uh yes, you do....very much", she replied nervously.
Creature: (taking her in his arms and kissing her lips) Eve pulls back, frightened at this behavior....but he grabs her closer......(Exit...into bushes for awhile)
A Few Hours Later
Eve: (Awakens to the cold nose of a chipmunk on her cheek, she must have fainted from exhaustion from the weight of the basket, she thinks. But the basket is sitting on the ground, filled with her fruits and a new addition from the distant tree....a gorgeous red shining fruit, glistening in the sunlight atop her basket, next to a Fig Tree.
Her sudden preoccupation with her body was a very new feeling... she looks down and notices her body for what seems like the first time, she can't understand the unique feeling she has now, she feels very ashamed, not understanding why...yet feels that if she could only cover certain areas of her body, she will be alright....and is now wondering if she did in fact, eat this mysterious fruit causing her to feel this way?
She reaches for her basket and notices that she has failed to get any figs for her fruit she reaches to pluck several figs, she notices that the fig leaves just might be the answer.
She starts pulling at the leaves of the tree, using strands of her hair to connect and reinforce them....and slides them onto her body, covering her most private parts.
Eve:"Now, I feel much better for some reason, I've got to hurry home and show Adam, he will be so pleased"! Before she picked up her basket, she thought of her helpmate awaiting her return....."I must make Adam a loin cloth to match"!
She quickly plucks a few more strands of her auburn hair, and grabs enough leaves to make Adam a loincloth and lays it atop of her basket.
She runs through the garden, skipping over small bushes, her new wearing apparel hugging her body, fitting her perfectly. She is very "Proud" of herself, no longer "Ashamed", feeling that she is completely and vividly "Alive", and has set a new trend in "Creationist Attire"!
Adam was sitting against a tree, awaiting her and wondering why dinner was late...."Hello, helpmate, Where has thou been, surely you know that I expect my dinner when I arrive home from the daily work schedule in the Garden"! Adam wasted no time in noticing the bright red familiar fruit riding on top of her basket, but quickly his eyes jumped to Eve and the new, unique, clothing she was wearing. Even her face had a glow that Adam had never seen before.
Adam: "Helpmate, Oh Beautiful Creature, what is this"?...he places his hands on her shoulders and turns her body around to see a full 360 view."
His hand on her shoulders, joggled a fragment of her memory and before he could move them, she looked up into his eyes, smiled and placed her arms around him and pulled him close.....not really understanding why she was suddenly behaving in this manner...but began remembering how she felt earlier at the "Tree"......
Adam: "Woman, what are you doing, why are you clenching me"? She ignored his question and continued....pulling him closer, as if mesmirized by his closeness.
Adam did not understand why his helpmate was behaving in such an unusual fashion and felt that the glistening red fruit atop her basket may point to answers?
Adam: "Did thou goest to the east side of the garden this day and partake of the forbidden fruit"? he asked, walking over to the basket and observing the mysterious beauty of the strange fruit.
Eve: "Yes, but"....Adam interrupted her.
Adam: "No, please tell me that you did not eat of the forbidden fruit that God warned me not to partake of....He really wasn't kidding about this, Eve".
Eve: "He told you that you would die, Adam, not is not true, Adam, as I am alive, moreso than before, let me show you! Here, eat this!" She retrieved the fruit from atop the basket and offered it to that moment, her memory returned and she sat in Adam's lap feeding him the forbidden fruit.
Adam, at first, turned his head to reject the offer, but Eve was insistent, and he gave in, despite his attempts to reject... Eve opened her lips and bit into the ripe, delicious orb shaped fruit, spraying Adam's face with the honey sweet nectar.....Suddenly, her close presence to him, made him feel very strange, a unique feeling that he had never felt before....
Adam: "Eve, But God said....."
Eve: "Adam, am I dead"?
Adam finally gave in to Eve, eating of the fruit, delighting in every morsel....exausting himself with the forbidden gift Eve offered to him.
Adam awoke in the cave, Eve in his arms, both lying naked.....and they heard God's voice thundering from outside.
God: "Adam, Eve, where are you"?
Quickly Eve handed the loin cloth to Adam as she busily put her leave laden attire on, hurrying out of the cave to meet God.
Eve: "Adam, put this on, you are must cover yourself"!
Adam: "Yes, that will work"...he put on the loincloth and left the cave to meet with the Father.
God: "Hey there, my special creations, what have you two been doing"?
Adam: "Oh just the usual, you know....doing what you want us to do"!
Eve noticed God was looking at their attire, his eyes going to Adam then to her, and back again...sensing something just wasn't the same as before....
God: "Why are you both wearing fig leaves on your body"?
Adam: "Eve made these for us, really chic, don't you think"?
God eyes shifted to Eve.....and he spoke to her.
God: "Woman, what has thou done"? Why are you covering yourself with leaves?
Eve: "Because....I'm naked"!
God: "Who told you that you were naked"?
Eve: "Nobody, I could sense that I was naked....and I was ashamed and did not want anyone to see me naked", Eve replied in all honesty.
God: "You two have eaten of the forbidden fruit in the east corner of the garden, haven't you"?
Adam: "Yes, Father, we have done as much"...
God: "Woman, Did not Adam warn you of the forbidden fruit"?
Eve: "Yes, Father, but the stranger in the garden, showed me that I would not die and he taught me things that were wonderful, that I had never felt before....and I had much pleasure from the entire day, and wanted to share that pleasure with my helpmate, Adam, who has toiled all day, tending the animals and naming the plants, flowers and trees"!
God: "Adam, Eve, You had it made, could come and go as you pleased, eat fruits and vegetables, wild locust, honey and enjoyed 100% superb health. Your digestive systems have not been subjected to disease causing meat, you were given a very peaceful, easy going life here in My Garden. I am very disappointed in your disobedience and therefore will have to punish you as promised.
Eve, moved closer to Adam, as God stood before them with his arms crossed in front of him shaking his head in dismay.......looking down he continued...
God: Adam, My First Creation, from this day forward, you will work hard for everything you get, you will pay exorbitant interest rates, you will eat what woman cooks for you, like it or not, you will bring forth offspring that will rarely appreciate anything you do for them, and will constantly badger you to do more and more, you will have ailments, aches and pains, but you must continue to work each day, paying for things that you have no need for, autmobiles that once you pay for will no longer benefit you, striving to continually better yourself, you will experience job cut-backs, layoffs, economical strife and will ultimately die and leave everything you have worked for to unappreciative heirs who will fight to the death over all of it no matter whether you are a millionaire or a poor man, and more than likely squander what you slaved for on drugs, fast cars and nasty women.
God: Eve, Beautiful Creature, For your disobedience, you will bear offspring, which will lie dormant in your body for a gestational period of 9 months or longer in rare cases.....During the gestational period, the offspring will become a parasite, living off the very oxygen and food that you consume. After the gestational period is over, you will bring forth this offspring in much pain, unless, you choose to take another route, which can cause permanent scars to your body that no cream will ever remove, irregardless of testimonials. You will further serve to provide nutrition to your offspring by way of the two mammary glands located at the upper frontal aspect of your body, until the offspring reaches a certain age. You will care for this offspring until they reach maturity, placing them ahead of yourself in all that you do. Your body will never be the same again, left with stretch marks at various points, eventually your mammary glands will sag, along with your chin, buttocks and face. Your beautiful locks will eventually turn gray. You will undergo many changes in your body, some of which will be uncomfortable, bothersome and perhaps painful.
Eve: " never".....
God: "EVE", I instructed your Helpmate and had you been more interested in his work, asking him questions about his day, rather than looking for other interests, you would have known that I said...'Do Not Eat Of The Forbidden Fruit', so stop whining and accept responsibility for your actions"!
Eve: "You never told me, how was I to know....Adam never talks to me, or pays me any attention. He just comes home from work, eats dinner, talks to you and visits Ms Monkey for hours, comes home and goes straight to bed."
God: "Eve....stop whining"!
© 2003 Deborah Nuckles All Rights Reserved