21st Century Job

Sadly, we never know when misfortune will affect our very intimate lives. Sometimes the nature of man can be cruel. Maybe at some point in your life, You have been driving down the highway of life, just cruising....then BUMP! Everything changes... Consider this modern day scenario:

Enter, model husband, father and provider!

Pillar of the community, great friends, and caring neighbors. Beautiful wife, Good Mother, terrific children! You are well respected in your community and above all, you attend church quite regularly and pay your tithes each week. You have an excellent career with a good income and best of all, You live the American Dream..."Money in the Bank!!!

Your life is running smooth, no conflicts, except the usual minor everyday minor conflicts and mishaps that occur in most families. God has blessed you with abundance, nice home in the suburbs, two SUV's, a Harley in the garage. Life is Great! You have given your family a strong sense of security and everyone glows with an aura of good fortune!

You are well known as the icon of hospitality, throwing lavish dinner parties, barbecues, inviting your friends and neighbors over for steaks on the barbie, grilled shrimp, kegs of beer. The guys all gather at your house to watch the game on your Big Screen TV. You're known to friends, family and colleagues as the "Refuge From The Storm", coming to the rescue of your friends and family in need, such as your best friend, recently recovering from surgery and out of work.

He couldn't return to work until the doctor released him, so you give him some cash to tie him over, and tell him not to worry about repaying, that it's a gift! Another friend, who just landed a terrific job in the IT industry, hits you up for a loan, to keep afloat, while he waits for his first paycheck! Your sister, recently widowed, who never worked outside the home, and has been swamped with medical bills, funeral expenses, asks to borrow a few thousand....and of course, its your sister, you can't refuse!

Your phone is always ringing off the hook, friends are always dropping in on you, and sometimes you feel if you had only five minutes alone, in silence, you would be blessed among men! You try to screen your calls, but find that no longer works, because...THEY KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

Deep down, you are not a loner, you love the company. You know that God has blessed you and you live by his laws, and have brought your children up likewise. Then all of a sudden, without warning, you hit a pothole of misfortune! You wake up, just like any other day, same routine, quick shower, quick glance at the weather on the tube, grab a cup of coffee, kiss the wife, kids...out the door and head off to your place of work.

You think about the week ahead, your projects at the job, the honey-do list the wife gave, perhaps a family outing you're trying to plan....traffic is horrible, as usual! You arrive at work and before you can even get through the door, your boss calls you in the office. He begins the conversation by stating "This has nothing to do with your performance and that he wished that there was something he could do but his hands were tied...continuing, he talks about changes in production, explaining due to NAFTA or some other lame excuse, your job has been eliminated....in other words, you have been canned!

Before you have time to absorb what was said, he continues talking, now apologetically, assuring you that this decision was difficult to make, and that you will receive severance pay and a letter of reference. You sit there for a moment, speechless, shocked, and slowly get up and walk out of his office.

This is not the way to start the week, you are thinking...and you proceed to clean out your locker, desk and leave the building, extremely confused, yet trying to relate to the last 15 minutes... "15 years I have worked for that man, and in 15 minutes, he takes away my livelihood, my sustenance, my house payment, car payment, utilities and the food that is needed to feed to my family, this is the worst day of my life.

Has he forgotten all of the times that I have stayed over to ensure production quota's were met, due to manufacturing problems that were out of my control? Does he remember that I am the one that postponed my vacation to start-up a new contract? Nope, this is definately not my day, month...or year!!! You are driving home, still faced with commuting traffic, and you realize that you are getting closer to home.

You're now confronted with facing the family, wondering how do you break the news to your "Shopaholic" wife, and your two children that look forward to their weekly allowance to splurge on DVD's, Ipods, Mickey D's, and whatever else they can find to do with their money? You feel a sense of gloom and dread cover you. Here you are, the person they rely on, the person they look up to....you are their "ROCK"...and suddenly you are "broke" or heading down that road at a rapid rate of speed.

Your wife is doing what she usually does at that time of the day, and is startled when you come through the door... "Are you feeling ok", her first response, as you never miss work. Actually, you feel very bad, but you manage to say, "Yeah, I'm alright!" She doesn't respond, but just stands there holding the wand, with the vacuum on temporary shut-down waiting...gazing... It was simple, I was home because I was fired, but I could not find the words to just blurt it out!

No, I was not afraid of this woman holding a vacuum cleaner wand, but having never been out of work, it wasn't something that I had experience in doing. "Honey, the boss grabbed me before I could even get to my office and get a cup of coffee. My job no longer exists, I have been terminated"! She continues the gaze, shifting the wand to the other hand, placing her free hand on the back of the sofa as to brace herself..."You're kidding me, Right"? "Please, I wouldn't kid about something like that", I said. Suddenly I'm hit with what seems to be immeasurable questions .

"Why"? "Was it something you did or didn't do, Did you have a warning? "No, No, it was unavoidable, something to do with the manufacturing, NAFTA, I don't know...I'm not the only one, there was a couple of other guys that are in the same boat....still hasn't really sunk in yet?

She quickly responds, "Did you tell him that you are a dedicated employee, have been there for 15 years, and you at least deserve"..."Honey, look, this is a bad world, nothing is promised or guaranteed in the workforce", I interrupted her, "He said that I would receive severance pay, and a letter of reference", hoping that would reconcile her momentarily. "Hmmm,well God Bless him, and isn't he the generous person", she retorted sarcastically. "Great, I'm feeling really bad right now, I feel worthless as a man, and what I really need from you right now is compassion, understanding and above all love.

Things happen and I do not know the why's or wherefore's but that does not change anything, I am without a job. This means that we will have to take measures to be more conservative and handle this as a temporary setback." I continued with "It's important that everyone co-operates in this, and I really need you to be supportive of me in my decisions, ok?" She began to cry, "What are we going to do"? We have bills due, bills that will be due, and I haven't even done the grocery shopping this month"?

Reassuring her, "We'll be fine, just have faith that God will see us through this", I said. "If he leads us to it, he will get us through it". "Alright, but this is pure madness, what about the children"? This evening we will hold a family meeting, short and brief, and explain that everyone's lifestyle has to undergo current modification, due to this recent change in finances. So later that evening, after dinner, we convene in the living room, without the TV or any interruptions....and I proceed to bring my own version of the "Headline News".

They all sit staring at you blankly with their mouths open, yet not saying a word. It's almost like you are speaking to little birds that are waiting to be fed by Momma Bird...with the exception of junior, who has headphones on and is moving with the groove while you're talking! What's the use? "God giveth and he taketh away", you muster, hoping that somewhere in their upbringing they will see the spiritual behind the physical. You're thinking "He who hath ears, let them hear"!

Nonetheless, it's all in vain, because you have a 21st Century family that is caught up in the world at large, which relies on advertising, and the almighty "$$$$$". You have hope and try to convey this to the family, expressing to them that you are entering into a period of stormy seas, but you will try your best to steer and keep the boat afloat and each of them are crew members and are vital to the success of the voyage.

Still, they maintain the blank look on their face, and speechless...You call an end to the meeting and each person resumes their usual daily activities... So...you lose your job, and immediately hit the want-ads, sign up for unemployment, and by now you are registered with 25 Temporary Agencies that have hispanic receptionists that all seem to say the same thing "I sorry, but we have no work available right now, call back tomorrow!"

You try to stay calm, but find that nobody in your home is taking your plight seriously! Nobody but your wife....who, as usual, is right on top of things immediately! You call the bank and check your account...your direct deposit was interrupted and the company has yet to deposit your severance pay!

Therefore, the checks that your wife wrote to pay the bills have bounced, leaving an overdraft of over $400 plus insufficient charges debited to your account! Suddenly, in the pit of your stomach, you feel knots...then you break out into a sweat.....slamming the phone down you rush to the closest bathroom.....only to find a locked door with rap music blaring!

It's Junior, taking one of his "Long-Hot-Showers"! You barely make it to your wife's bathroom....and spill your guts, splashing all over her soft pink frilly commode cover! You regain your composure, grabbing a cold cloth to wipe away the cold sweat pouring off your brow and here someone in another part of the house. It's your daughter, Valley Girl Vicky who has invited five of her friends over for after school snacks, raiding the fridge and piling on the sofa, watching MTV! "They did not hear a word that I said at the family powow", you're thinking as you try and regain your composure, hoping that bathroom bout was over.

Weeks go by and you have checked in with all of the Temp agencies, have applied at the local hardware store, and spoken to the Newspaper about a paper route....still nothing. THE UNIVERSE HAS COMPLETELY CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATIONS TO YOU AND THE OUTSIDE WORLD. Your dearly beloved wife, who has begun a strange vigil of silence toward you, suffering from "Shopping Withdrawal" glares at you with an evil look, as to say....What did I ever see in you in the first place, you loser!

When you tell her to curb the daily meals down to a pot of pinto's and a pan of cornbread for the time being she softly replies sarcastically, "YOU'RE KIDDING AREN'T YOU"? You immediately become the "Private Eye" in your own home, checking the electric meter, turning off lights, unplugging appliances, monitoring the kids usage of TV's, DVD Players, Computers, X-Box, Playstations.... Your entire family, who earlier, smiled at you, hugged you, couldn't wait to see you every day....distances themselves from you. You're no longer, "Daddy"....you are "HIM"...you are no longer "Honey", you are now "HEY"!

Don't they know how you feel? You convene more and more to yourself, pondering about it all. You ask God..."Why me, Lord"? Your wife, thinking that you are shutting everyone and everything out....blares at you. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? YOU JUST CAN'T SIT HERE AND DO NOTHING! CAN'T YOU AT LEAST SAY SOMETHING...OR BETTER STILL DO SOMETHING..I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO SELL DRUGS...I NEED MONEY, WE NEED MONEY....THE KIDS NEED MONEY! Still, rather than argue, you continue in silence...pondering, searching, thinking about your life, thinking about the "ONLY" friend you have left.

No, you can't see him, he can't share a beer with you, or watch a game with you....but he's there, just a whisper away. You find yourself asking, Why me, Lord? You are confused, and can't understand why he has allowed this to happen to you and your family. A month goes by, then 8 weeks...your wife begins avoiding you, none of your previous friends are coming around, except the loser down the street, wanting to borrow a tool!

This guy never works, was born into wealth and just hangs out in the backyard always looking busy but never doing anything worthwhile! You find yourself watching what is left over at dinner, reminding the children that food is scarce, eat everything on your plate, and no snacking.

You glance at the teenage girl, reminding her to discontinue entertaining her friends until further notice. "Fridge is off-limits to non-household members"! It's now the middle of the third month since you lost your job and your daily walks, increase, sometime for hours, you walk and walk, just thinking and pondering...you visit your pastor and he just tells you to have faith...things will get better.

He asks, "By the way, I know this is not the best time to ask, but we are really pushing to get this Somalia Mission off the ground by next month, do you think you could manage a few dollars by next Sunday?" You're thinking, "No, He Didn't", and reply, "I'll speak to my wife and try to manage something", you say. "Did I really say that, geez, I'm a wreck"! You're bewildered, completely bummed out and feel that you can't even afford God's Help!

No money, no job, bills are due, bank is overdrawn, car payment due last week....you feel totally helpless, and do not have a clue as to what you will do. It's as if you have left planet earth, and are out of range of all communication with it's inhabitants. You have applied for over 40 jobs since your termination, not even a reply, nor a turn-down! You return home, disgusted, depressed and now feel the beginning pains of a headache about to happen! You notice nobody is home, not even the dog, who always barks when someone enters the backyard...Your wife's car is not in the garage.

You figure the wife has taken the Dog to the vet, maybe the kids are at friends, and the clock ticks away...it's night and still...no family! What's tonight? No...they can't be at church. You worry that they have taken the dog to the vet, yet adding to the outrageous bill from last month! You wonder how many other families have dogs suffering from depression? "Doggie Depression, wonder if he has any anti-depressants left"?

The phone rings and suddenly you are confronted with yet another unexpected problem....it's your wife! She gets right to the point and tells you that she is leaving you, because she can no longer tolerate your current attitude toward her and the children, in light of everything else! She has the children and YOUR dog! They have a place to stay, and "her" attorney will contact you.

You happen to look down at the phone and notice the number that she is calling from happens to be the number of the "Single, Good Looking, Best Friend that you just loaned all that money to"! You notice a folded note stuck to the fridge, and you open it! It's from her telling you that the monthly bills are paid, and she had to use all of the savings to accomplish that, so now you are really broke!

Depression has reached it's peak, not only have you lost your companion of life, but the single person that you vowed to love for the rest of your life, through sickness and in health, richer or "poorer", until you DIE!

But she has paid all of the bills to including the $600.00 Veterinarian bill, with the Christmas Savings and neglected to pay your CAR PAYMENT! You have no income, your car is about to be repossessed! But the rent is paid, electricity is on and you ...and you are ALONE with a huge MIGRAINE HEADACHE!

You go to the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet.....SHE TOOK ALL OF THE MEDICINE, even the ASPIRIN! Zero Meds, with the exception of one small plastic bottle of "MIDOL"! You think...maybe I need to get something in my stomach, yeah...hungry, you go to the kitchen and open the cabinet....one box of spaghetti pasta, one box of shake and bake, yes....Hamburger Helper there is hope!

You check the fridge and find the remnant of last saturday's game....about 15 hot wings, 3 Natural Lights, half gallon of tea, what appears to be greenish bologna with the edges curling inward, a quarter gallon of milk, with only 2 days left to expiration and an empty loaf of bread except for two end pieces. No Hamburger! To make matters worse, the phone rings and it's your wife's attorney inviting you to his office to discuss your new bill! CHILD SUPPORT and asks...."What would be a good day for you"? You cannot see beyond the next moment, but incoherently schedule an appointment for someday next week, which you can't even recall!

You call your best friend from childhood and get his answering machine. You leave this message of despair...COME TO MY HOME WHEN YOU GET THIS MESSAGE, WILL EXPLAIN LATER, THIS IS URGENT! You're thinking, He already Knows, EVERYBODY already knows your plight! Yes, and they even know about your wife and have known, that's usually the way it is, everybody knows but you!

You can't stay in the house, you feel like the walls are closing in on you, so you leave....just walking, not knowing where you are going. You feel like a zombie, between the worlds, neither here no there...you are trying to backup and regroup your life, before any of this happened. It's like living in a nightmare that you cannot wakeup...you feel sheer madness closing in on you....so you just keep walking, searching for an answer...down the street, maybe a block away, you come upon a street person, just standing on the corner, holding a sign, "Will Work For Food".

Your first impression is to cross over to the other side of the street to avoid this person who WANTS MONEY FROM YOU....but you just don't have the willpower to even attempt to do that. As you approach him, he appears to smile at you, and you're thinking "Ha, he's smiling because he thinks I'm going to give him some money, little does he know I HAVE NO MONEY".

"Good Afternoon, Sir, how are you today?" The tattered looking man greeted me and I managed to get a hello back to him and continued on past him. After I had strolled past him, I heard him yell at me, "God Bless You, Sir" That was the straw that broke the camel's back...I immediately turned around and walked back toward him....with a hundred thousand different emotions coursing through my broken mind at the moment....as I approached him, he still continued to smile at me and I responded to him, "What did you say"?

He said, "God Bless You, Sir"...and tears started streaming down my face and then I broke into this incredible sobbing episode...while this tattered old man took my arm and guided me toward a bus shelter and sat down with me.

For nearly an hour, I sat there pouring my heart out to this person who had no home, who had not appeared to have shaved in a month of sundays, whose clothes were tattered and torn and who was on the street begging for work just to buy food. He said to me, "Son, God loves you so much that he gave his only son that whosever shall believeth in him shall not perish but will have everlasting life".

He continued, "God has put you through a test of faith, my friend, just as he did to Job. It's not for us to wonder or second-guess why God allows things to happen to us, but we must trust that it's all necessary in his plan for our life. Look to God for your answers, not man, because everything begins and end with the good man above."

He asked me to pray with him and I bowed my head and let this old man lead the prayer and a peace came over me that reached into my heart. Afterwards, I got up and asked him to come with me to my home and share my food, which was nothing but the leftover items in the fridge. He politely declined, telling me to go home and get into the word of God and save my food. I reached into my pocket and all I had to offer him was my Grandfather's pearl handled pocket knife, and as he reached out to shake my hand, I slipped this heirloom into his. He once more, said "God Bless You, Son" and we departed.

When I arrived home, I went to my bedroom to get my bible and noticed that I had several messages on the answering machine. Ignoring the messages, I sat down in my favorite chair and opened the bible, turning to the book of Job. Immersed in reading of Job's misfortunes, I suddenly looked around me and saw my home, the pictures of my family on the mantle, and the wedding portrait of my wife.

Lowering my head, I prayed in submission to my Father in heaven, in the name of his holy son, Jesus, with all of my heart and soul. Without him, I was nothing, had nothing, and could obtain nothing worthwhile. I prayed for strength to endure the trials, courage to face my life with whatever he wanted me to have and forgiveneness of remembered and forgotten sins. My heart was full of praise to him, even in my misery, did I praise his holy name.

Time stopped for me, as I continued in the word for such a long time, reading and absorbing, praying and crying....until I closed the bible and got up to answer the phone. It was my daughter, she was crying and I could not understand what she was trying to say to me, except "We love you Daddy"!

The line suddenly went dead and immediately began to ring again. My heart jumped, thinking that it was my daughter calling me again, and it was my other best friend, from my childhood, whom I had left the message what seemed like months before. "Hi Buddy, how are ya"? My mind was in a momentary daze, where had this person been?

Surely he had heard...."Sorry, that I haven't gotten back with you but I have been out of the country. The new job has been hectic, they put me on a plane to Europe, the first week to settle a software glitch in the Belgium office and I just got back late last night. How's the family? Can't wait to see you, I brought some gifts for everyone and I have the money that you loaned me. By this time, I could barely talk to him, holding back even more tears.. He continued telling me he would stop by later, with a pizza and some beer, so we could do some catching up. Not really feeling like a beer, I half-heartedly laughed, holding back even more tears, telling him, "He'd better plan on staying for awhile, matter of fact, you better bring several "BIG PIZZA'S".

You sit for a moment, thinking about the previous phone call from your daughter, and remember to check your messages. Listening to message upon message from bill collectors, you delete them one by one, not really wanting to think about bills tonight.

A new message, with a familiar voice, it's the last person in the world that you expected to hear from...."Hey, I need you to call me when you get this message, if you can't reach me at the office, call my home, it's important"! It was my old boss and I'm thinking, "Imagine, the nerve of that guy, what on earth could he possibly have to say to me that could be more urgent than what he had already said"?

The next message was from my daughter, "Daddy, we love you and miss you". "Why haven't you called, are you alright"? Foregoing the message from my ex-boss for the time being, contemplating whether to even return the call or not, I call my friends house and my wife answers. "Hi, so glad that you finally called", she said. "The kids and I are fine, and we miss you so much", she continued. Before she could say anything else, I interrupted her, "I miss all of you too, but you left me, I am at home, and have been at home. You left me a note, remember, telling me that you were leaving me.

She started crying, "I did what I thought was best for everyone, especially the children. You were really worrying me, you changed into something that I just could not deal with, and you frightened the children. You were acting like a total stranger to us, critical of our every move in the home, insulting friends, and the children were in fear of becoming homeless and were losing their self esteem. "Your Attorney contacted me, too," I said, wondering if he was going to charge me for the appointment.

"I'm sorry, honey, but I didn't know what to do, I've been trying to think outside the box, for the welfare of the children." She replied. As much as I tried to avoid the next statement, I couldn't help myself, "So you pack up the kids and the dog and move in with MY FRIEND?" She responded, "Please don't go there, it is definately not what you think, he has not been here, he has been on the west coast and is returning this weekend." She continued explaining, "He called one day for you and after explaining to him what was going on, he offered his condo for the kids and myself to stay while you sorted everything out."

Agitated she asked, "Why, What are you implying"? Suddenly, my heart jumped! She asked again, "Hello...what exactly were you thinking"? I stammered.."Your note, remember?" "I am leaving you", I said. "And you thought... that I was carrying on with him"? Surely, after 15 years of marriage, you know me better than that," she replied. "So, you're coming home"? I asked wondering if I should call my friend to postpone his visit..."We can work through this problem,with God's help, anything is possible.", I said.

She replied, "I know, darling, the kids and I have been studying the word and praying every night that God will heal our family". It's rather late, and the children are ready for bed, we will be home in the morning". "Fine, I love you", I said. She whispered, "And we love you, too, Goodnight"!

The doorbell wrang, it was my friend, with "7 giant Pizza Extravaganza's" stacked up in front of him. "Grab these, while I get the rest of the packages from the car", he said.

In the meantime, the phone rang as I had reached the kitchen, the voice on the other end was my ex boss. "Man, you are hard to get in touch with", he said. "I've left message upon message for you and was beginning to think that you had left the country". Listening to him, I was thinking, he wasn't too far away from the truth"...as I had contemplated disappearing at one point.

"Look, I'm really sorry about what happened but we have had a new development in the organization and due to a merger, we have just expanded our product line and feel that you are the only person that can take on a project of this size", he said. Not wanting to be too eager, I hesitated before entering into the conversation and let him continue.... "The VIP's have given me complete autonomy in negotiating this deal with you and I am prepared to give you a substantial salary increase, an initial up-front bonus in the amount of $15,000.00, a reasonable profit margin, and a signed contract that will ensure your continued employment with this company. You don't have to give me an answer now, take the weekend to think it over and call me Sunday night with an answer. If you agree, be here Monday morning around 8AM to sign the papers and be ready to get it rolling, ok?"

"Sure, I'll give it some thought and get back with you, hey, thanks for calling", I said, feeling numb all over. My friend walked in with packages falling all over the place, "Here let me help you, what did you do, win the lottery", I asked? He replied, handing me over $2000.00 in cash, "Nah, just spent my bonus, couldn't forget my friends...so where's everyone, man I want to see their faces, when they they open these presents"! "They're over at a friends and will be returning in the morning, just spoke with the wife and told her you were coming by. They're looking forward to seeing you and hearing about your trip!" "So what's new with you, and what about that "Urgent" message on my machine"? "Yeah, that, sorry, just had a minor detour on the road of life, and needed to talk, but it's fine now! Couldn't help myself, but I said..."Man, do you ever pray"? He smiled..."Yeah, all the time, God is my Strength and my Redeemer, isn't he great"? "Yeah...he sure is, now tell me about that trip"!

&copy 2004 Deborah Nuckles
All Rights Reserved

HerStory - Memories of the Past

In the beginning, there was no time. People wandered the earth searching for food, warmth and shelter. Ice covered the land. Slowly the ice began to melt and the long winter gave way to a fertile spring. As the sheets of ice retreated further and further northwards, the earth which they uncovered unfurled its green shoots. In the wide grasslands the first plants grew, followed by bushes and finally trees. The land became covered with grasslands and forests. Animals, birds, insects and flowers flourished. Eating berries and ripe fruits, the wanderers trapped animals and noticed the changing seasons, times of plenty and times of darkness. Traveling across the land they were guided by the sun during the day and by the moon and stars by night.

Afraid, and very small in so vast a land, the people looked to the sun and moon as their guides, as spirits which protected them. The sun always moved in the same direction and remained constant, but the moon, mysterious light of the darkness, changed her shape. Like the women in the tribe, she sometimes swelled as if full of spirit and at other times she was not there. The darkest of nights. People within the tribes, older women, young girls before their first bleed, began to take the light of the moon, who had become Mother, into their bodies, and young men took in the male god of the hunt, dressed in skins and horns. These sacred workers traveled into the Other world of shadows, spirit realms, where the moon kissed them and the sun warmed their bones and they were taught all mysteries. They knew how to fly with the dead ones and take their spirit home to the Mother. In the Other world they learned how to make the sacred drinks to heal the sick and to read omens for the hunt.

The People began to settle, at first in caves and later, as more families gathered together, they built huts of wood and stone and moved down on to the plains. As the communities grew, laws were made from tribal customs and the clan elders formed councils. Sacred potters made images of the Goddess, the Great Mother of All whose ample breasts and belly brought health and fertility to the tribe. Drawings were made in caves of the hunt, the gods of the chase, and the Old Ones who carried the sun and moon.

Millennia passed; the Old Ones became the Great Ones, their civilizations flourished: In Sumer, Egypt, Atlantis. They watched the passage of the stars, charted them and the divine science of astrology was born. They counted, and saw and recorded the sacred symmetry of numbers. Watching the souls of the dying and the incoming of the new-born, they followed the soul's passage through the many heavens. Studying sickness and health they theorized on the body and its relationship to the soul, and made healing plasters and elixirs. They looked for omens and auguries to make sense of the vicissitudes of their lives; the plagues, the floods, the curses and blessings. They named their gods and built shrines to them, and the shrines grew into temples and then whole cities were dedicated to the Goddess.

Great in their glory; the power of the Great Ones was awesome and terrible, and behind their lesser gods was the Cosmic Mother of All, whose breasts poured milk into the firmament and who birthed new stars, whose curved and luscious body was the very earth they trod on. Her undulations were the forest, grove, copse, and spring. Immanent, she was everywhere. In each rock, each leaf, in the lowliest animal and in the greatest. She nursed them all, brought them to life, held them as they grew, fed and protected them, and when their time was over, she took them back to her.

Burrows were made and stone circles, temples and high towers; she was worshiped in fields and groves, in towns and on the wildest shore. The land grew rich with grains, all manner of fruits and sweet wine, and with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air.

The Temples flourished. Priestesses of the Goddess, who had many names, presided over birth and death, the blessing of fields and the building of cities. They became rich, their rites more complex, their caste more separate. This was a Golden time when peace reigned. But as ripened fruit soon rots these idylls perished by fire and flood and bloodshed. Atlantis, the sacred island, was subsumed by a great wave, all its glory washed away like so much shingle. The primeval waters of the Mother washed away the greedy and corrupt priestesses, who, forgetting her, imagined her power was their own and used the sacred Kundalini fire for temporal things.

Tilted dangerously in the soft blue waters of the Mother, the world shifted on its axis, madly tumbling its helpless people into the fire of blood and iron.

Men came, hordes of them from the southern deserts, in wave upon wave, from the northeastern wastes. At first they fell under the spell of the Goddess, but as more and more poured in, wielding swords, raping and burning their way across the land, the rule of the fathers smashed the Mother's paradise. Everywhere the world went mad. The invaders moved downwards, and the tide of rape, pillage, and bloodshed was unstoppable. Omens didn't help, neither did sacrifices. Once begun, the hordes who knew no gods but war and no beauty but blood and iron, raped and pillaged and enslaved all women. Priestesses were hung by their hair in sacred groves, temples and shrines were burned, desecrated, defiled.

With fear and hatred they took over, and with an iron glove they ruled. There was no end to their audacity; they usurped the Mother Goddess and put a father in her place. The people were afraid. They gathered in fields, in market places, in shrines and caves, frightened at what the Mother might do, what terrible vengeance she might wreak.

Plagues came, wave upon wave of terrible sickness. People died screaming in agony on the streets; there was no God. Thousands upon thousands were choking own their own blood, with swelling, blackened limbs, deadly boils. The Black Death swept with the Reaper's cloak across the land. Crows picked the eyes off corpses and the Morrigan stalked the land. Hecate in her night time places urged rebellion. The pustule of the Father, which the people called love, burst open, spewing forth all manner of demons. People died in agony, crops failed, wars raged. God the father in his death-head mask replaced life. All hope was gone.

He had, they said, sent his only son, the Prince of Peace, avatar of love, but the men of the Father killed him too, like Odin nailed to a cross. The Prince of Peace, who overturned the money-lenders' sordid trade, and had his sacred whore, the Magdalene, closest to him. His words fell like raindrops on a parched desert; priests of the Father quickly kicked over the traces and carried on as before. Embodying the mirror image of love, their darkness knew no end, no depth too low for them to sink.

With force and fear they conquered and spread a putrid stain across the world. No corner was safe, they sailed to the farthest lands, the fairest people, and butchered them.

The Old Ones took to the hills, when persuasion and discourse failed. They moved away from the new cities of pomp and gilt, to the Mother's sacred groves and mountainsides. They hid and kept their counsel.

Fear kept them from writing. The Old Ones moved, roamed around, nomads again, telling their tales, curing and counseling. Speaking of ancient myths of sacred lineages they carried news from sacred groves to every hearth and orchard where a welcome waited for them and the Old Ways were kept alive. They still watched the stars and kept to the eight sacred festivals. Watching the moon move from dark to full, they calculated poetic meters, the names of the Goddess and the centuries that might pass before peace prevailed. They hexed and healed with incandescent verse and watched over their healing sisters as they laid out the dead, birthed new life and mothered the clans.

The darkness grew. The Father's men grew more afraid that the common people would not swallow the lie and did not set much store by empty rituals. Neither did the fine monuments or churches, nor the bones of saints move the heart of commoners. They looked for their Goddess and found a sterile Mary; a pale replica of the fecund thighs and belly and the wild, deep mysteries of the Mother. In small wells and shrines they worshiped. The priests danced alongside them at festivals, whose named they changed, in the hope the people might forget their origins. But the spirit had gone. Where was this love of God they preached? They listened to sermons of hell-fire and damnation, of their wickedness, their filthiness, their sin. But the people saw other things, the whorehouses the priests ran, and the wine shops. They saw the priests' wealth while they starved. They saw how their greed was like a canker, how they wore robes of the finest silk and satin, huge jeweled rings and crucifixes, and how they carried golden goblets and filigree salvers while the people shivered outside in coarse robes, shoe-less in the snow, with the tithes to be paid even if there was no food for the table.

War was declared against all unbelievers. Great armies, men, women, clerics, walked and rode to Jerusalem, the Holy City. They left behind a land starved and parched. These soldiers of Christ were promised blessings in the afterlife while their families starved and anarchy followed in their wake. The sacred world of the Goddess splintered further and further. The rich grew richer and brought untold wealth from far lands. They brought disease and famine.

As the Holy wars were fought, plague after plague decimated the people. They became angrier, more desperate and some planned rebellion, revenge against the All Powerful Mother brought low.

The people gathered in mountain groves, in secret caves, on beaches in the moonlight. They were afraid. This was the Mother's Curse, the land laid bare. Nothing prospered, no green shoots or chinks of light were seen. In despair they called to Her and other avenging Gods: Hern the Hunter, Hecate the Revenger, Themis the Wise. The Father God gave them no hope, offered only more pain and suffering in a dark place called Hell. Groups formed, societies, sororities of seekers after truth, who wished for peace, for a return to order and an ending to all the bloodshed.

The Father's men responded in kind, declared another war, a break between crusades and the conquering of Paradise. They declared all Witches should be burned, tortured, to the very limits of human endurance. Their money would fill the coffers of the church, and they would denounce their friends and family. Law after law was passed; there was no hiding place, Europe was aflame with the pyres of burning women. Children, pregnant women, the old were burned by the purifying fires of the Father. Half a millennium later nine million women were dead and society was rent from bottom to top. No woman was safe, not one.

Witch, Witch, Witch. An icy fear ran through the veins of each woman. It meant rape, torture and death by hanging or burning. But not before she had named twelve accomplices and watched her children tortured or burned before her eyes, screaming. The inquisitors grew fat, protected by their henchmen and armor beneath their robes. They went about in fear of revenge. Some few were indeed strung up by outraged families--but not enough. The inquisitors carried their evil into the New World, and tortured and killed their way across the continent.

The Wise retreated further, although the hills offered precious little protection. Family clans turned in among themselves, exchange stopped, no one talked or even looked the other in the eye. There was silence.

You cannot kill a people, a culture. It lives on, after the last person has been slaughtered. In the rocks, the trees, the rivers, in the very winds which moisten the land. The spirits wait in sacred hollows, in springs and rock pools until the bloodletting has finished.

Do Not Copy or Print without express permission from owner. All Rights Reserved.

©1996 Deborah Nuckles

Carolina News Watch: Seaman Zachary Adam Honea graduates from Navy Recruit Training

Carolina News Watch: Seaman Zachary Adam Honea graduates from Navy Recruit Training

An Appeal To Religious Groups On The Subject Of Astrology

This is not in any way a condemnation of a persons belief structure or ideology, but rather an enlightening exposure to some issues that are pertinent to disclosing certain biblical facts that can prove that astrology is an ally of religion, specifically Judaeo-Christian beliefs.

As a young girl, I grew up in a Southern Baptist tradition, complete with church membership, Sunday School Teacher, Choir Member, etc), and Jewish heritage from my Paternal grandmother. As I got older, I became more aware of the abrasiveness that exists on the topic of Astrology and as a result, the failure of organized religions, particularly the baptist faith to *evolve* beyond the rigid, puritanical, old church fathers guidance, validates my departure from mainstream worship, today!

This in no way, refutes or disputes the validity of Christ, his teachings, his mission on this plane of existence. If anything, my work in astrology, deepened my that relationship. Throughout my studies of comparative religions, some dating back several hundred years ago, I have found that humanity, under the rule of the newly forming church, was more or less imprisoned by the structure of religion.

In the Old Testament, the Book of Numbers predicted that a Messiah would be born, and the sign for the Messiah is a Star; God would let man know the Messiah was here by the appearance of a Star. The Gospel of Matthew clearly states that wise men (Magi; i.e astrologers) came from the east to Jerusalem seeking the newborn Messiah because...they had seen his star in the east. Christian tradition has given a name to the star that the wise men saw...."The Star Of Bethlehem".

The simple fact of the matter is...both the Old Testament and the New Testament contain many references to Astrology. But unfortunately, interpretation of these references varies greatly. Actually, I'm not an expert on Biblical interpretation, although, its been a lifelong study of mine (Mars 9th house, Sagittarius rising), but in my opinion, there is a great deal of evidence that at least some of the original writers of the Bible were believers in Astrology; therefore, there is no valid reason to believe that Astrology is condemned by God. To the contrary, the Bible specifically says that God uses the stars to give us signs and knowledge. This is not to say that there are not some verses that could be interpreted as being against stargazing. But there are certainly more Biblical verses that approve of Astrology, or tell us that the stars are messages from God, that there are verses that could be interpreted to the contrary.

Its my opinion, that the verses that negate Astrology were in fact not meant to do so in the original language of the scriptures. They were directed not at astrologers of the Magi Mold, but rather against misuse by other beliefs.

At this point, I will use the analogy of Electricity...a powerful force that may be used beneficially or destructively. We may use it to heat our homes, cook our meals, provide lighting, energy, or...we may use it to destroy...as in electrocution.

Besides the fact that astrologers from the East were the ones who foresaw the birth of Christ and they are referred to as "wise men" by Matthew, the New Testament has some unmistakable references to astrology that can only mean that the writers were very knowledgeable about it; perhaps they were even practitioners. And why should they not be practitioners if Matthew referred to the Magi, who were astrologers, as "wise men"?

As far as astrological references in the bible...The first one that is very important is in the Book of Genesis. It says..."And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for the days and the years;" (Genesis 1:14)

"Let (the lights) be for Signs....some scholars have told us that the actual Aramaic translation literally is "let them be for signs of things which in the ordinary course shall come to pass".. Whether or not this is true, it is highly significant that the first purpose of the "lights" (Planets and Stars) was for "signs"; then after that...the purposes of the "lights" were for the "seasons", and for the days and years.

King David is attributed authorship of Psalm 19. I actually believe he was referring to Astrology when he wrote..."The Heavens declare the glory of God...Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge". What knowledge could you possibly get at night other than....knowledge derived from the stars and Astrology? Especially since night "sheweth" the knowledge. The only things are shown at night are the planets and the stars.

The Book of Job has always been my favorite study, for quite some time.

Here is a man, who is a pretty good fella, is righteous, wealthy, upstanding, abides by the laws of the land, loves God and does his will. He becomes a pawn...in the hands of the adversary and God...minding his own business, doing what he's suppose to do...and suddenly his life is one catastrophe after another. I'd wager...that either he was having a Pluto or possibly Saturn transit to the 1st house or the 8th.

First, the Sabeans attacked him and killed all of his Oxen and servants, except one. Another messenger comes and tells him that all of his sheep have been burned with the rest of his servants, another comes and tells him his camels have been taken, (The mode of transportation in that day), so he was without wheels...killed more servants..and ultimately another came and told him that all of his sons and daughters were partying, when a wind came and crushed the house and killed all the men.

Job, by now, a candidate for Ativan, forget Prozak...ripped his clothes off, shaved his head and fell down on the ground and worshiped God.

And he said. "Naked came I out of my mothers womb, and naked shall I return thither; the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

All that happened to him...he did not sin, nor did he blame God.

Even still..his trials were not over yet. The test continued with an attack on his health...Boils from the bottom of his feet to the top of his head. If that wasn't bad enough, his wife started in on him.

"Dost thou still retain thine integrity? Curse God, and Die." Job 2:9

Well, he actually told her that she spoke like a foolish woman, and asked her did she expect to receive everything good and never anything bad? (Transits and Progressions)

Still after all this..Job did not blame God.

His friends gathered around him, to help comfort him, which I'm sure given the nature of his suffering, was more like a persecution to him. His turmoil was beyond compare..his life was total devastation of a magnitude unbelievable. The man had lost it all, and now his body was stricken with infectious sores from head to toe.

This book is actually a good example of Karmic Retribution...inasmuch as even today, we see people, whom we think are the most upstanding, kindhearted, righteous people on the block, who seem to suffer calamity after calamity. Consider the baby born with multiple birth defects, the single mother stricken with Multiple Sclerosis...and we ask why? Why would such a loving compassionate God, strike his children with such affliction? Its an Eastern word..but is means the same as the parable of the sower...Karmic Retribution.

In Job's dialogue with Eliphaz, he observes that no one is ever completely sinless. In no uncertain terms Eliphaz upholds the theology of retribution. "Think about it. What innocent ever perished? Where were the upright destroyed? I have seen that those who plow evil and sow trouble reap the same. By God's blast they perish and by the heat of his anger they disappear. (4:7-9)

Another speaker...Bildad.. applies the theology of retribution relentlessly. He claims that Job's children must have been notable sinners to be treated so brutally by God. No doubt they died justifiably.

"Can God get justice wrong? Can Shaddai (Jewish ref for God) distort rightness? "If your children sinned against him, he delivered them over to the consequences of their violation. (Job 8:3-4)

Since Job is still alive, claims Bildad, he must not be too bad a sinner.

Then Zophar adds that Job must be suffering for his own sin. Even though Job will not admit it publicly, he must be a sinner.

"You say, 'My principles are pure, and I am innocent before you.' But if God would speak and talk to you himself, and tell you the secrets of wisdom--there are many nuances to wisdom--know that God is exacting less than you deserve. (Job 11:4-6)

Perhaps he's trying to tell him that Job should honestly face his sin and ask God for mercy.

Elihu speaks after Job's other three friends have had their say. He says that suffering is the way God communicates with human beings. It is the way God reveals that we are sinners and that he considers sin a serious offense.

"He opens their understanding by discipline, and orders them to turn away from wickedness. If they listen and obey, they will end up with good days and pleasant years. (36:10-11)

All four speakers maintain the theology of retribution in some way. Their approach is very much "top down." In other words, they hold a basic belief in retribution, and they try to square Job's experience with the theological principles they hold, rather than developing a theology out of human experience.

Karmic Retribution...works for me! Pluto and Saturn...are Karmic Planets...and the 4th, 8th, and 12th houses are karmic houses. Astrology states, where Pluto rests in your natal chart is where you are undergoing retribution from another age. My Pluto is in Leo..so I have brought back Karmic garbage from that era. Nobody knows...the karmic retribution they will encounter from day to day. We work through karmic debts with our friends, children, relatives, our mates, lovers. We work through challenges, personality conflicts..on the downside, and sometimes we get blessed with an abundance of good karmic rebounds..that's when we experience love, or close to it, the joys of friendship, the laughter of our children when they've achieved something special, or much needed hug from someone special. That's what its all about..its those bad times, that makes the good times feel so good.

All through that writing, about karmic retribution, I was peripherally thinking about some of the New Age trends..with channeling, psychic regressions, etc. Look, this is wrong..its not of God. God places the "Veil of forgetfulness" over our eyes when we come into this realm..for a good reason. We are not meant to know the details of our past...if we did, it would seriously alter our present, not to mention our future. We are just humans with free will, and do not have the capacity to delve in those areas...In astrological synastry...and natal placement, we can without a doubt, ascertain karmic ties within a chart...and depending upon the placement of certain planets and houses come to some kind of inclination as to the nature of the karmic tie. That's about all we need to know. Going further...would/could seriously alter our destiny and be out of accordance with Divine Providence (Gods will). Always..."Wait on the gates of heaven" is a good rule to follow.

Soon, Job had about all he could take...and finally opened his mouth and cursed not only the day he was born, but the day he was conceived... "Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived" Job 3:3

He really went into a deep dissertation...cursing his life, his entire world had become unhinged. Some of his friends were ragging him, persecuting him...driving him on and on, conducive to a "Everyone kicks you when you are down syndrome!"

Throughout the passages...we see a broken man, cast down, who by all practical purposes should have said..That's it..I'm checking out of here...but he didn't. He held his own, withstood the trials and tribulations that fell upon him...and God blessed him and restored his lot in life.

In that same book, in Chapter 9, Job makes reference to the constellations of the heavens. Its seemingly plausible that he as well, may have practiced astrology, or was quite knowledgeable of the stars. In his admonition of God almighty, in verse 9 "Which maketh Arcturus, Orion and Pleiades, and the chambers of the south"__Job Chapter 9:9

The above passage is one reason why, I incorporate fixed stars and constellations into my readings...its more in depth, albeit more time consuming, but its highly accurate.

The most profound chapter of the book of Job for me is chapter 38, when God speaks to Job. The content of that chapter is very powerful. God spoke to Job out of the whirlwind...probably blew his mind. ("Hey Job..wassup?")

Lets face it, Job and his friends have been in deep debate over this entire situation...and throughout the wailing and ranting...I'm sure God was ready to correct their attitudes explicitly. Come on, the fact is, God lets them know pretty quick...how incompetent they are to judge or know the whys and wherefore's of his actions.

Another fact that is quite astounding is the reference to the Great Pyramid. For those of you that do not know...and since this follows closely with the measuring of the earth... the Pyramid lies in the center of gravity of the continents. It also lies in the exact center of all the land area of the world...dividing the earth's land mass into approximately equal quarters. The north-south axis (31 degrees east of Greenwich) is the longest land meridian, and the east-west axis (30 degrees north) is the longest land parallel on the globe. There is obviously only one place that these longest land-lines of the terrestrial earth can cross, and it is at the Great Pyramid! This has substantiated my conviction that the origin of our belief was closely tied in with Egypt. The verse referenced below...should confirm that...but that's another page...!

"Where was thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare if thou hast understanding". Chapter 38:4

"Who hath laid the measures, thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it?" Chapter 38:5

"Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof; (undoubtedly meaning...the Great Pyramid) Chapter 38:6

Another Old Testament reference to the Great Pyramid is pretty inclusive, to say the least, as it does depict the placement.
(19)"At that time there will be an altar for the LORD in the middle of Egypt and a monument to the LORD at the border of Egypt.
(20) This will be a sign and a witness to the LORD All-Powerful in the land of Egypt. When the people cry to the LORD for help, he will send someone to save and defend them. He will rescue them from those who hurt them." Isaiah 19:19-20

Another area that depicts astrological constellations and the Zodiac (Mazzaroth=Animal Wheel)in the book of Job, is the following verse:

"Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades, or loose the cords of Orion? Can you lead forth the Mazzaroth in their season, or can you guide the (Arcturus in KJV) Bear with its children? Do you know the ordinances of the heavens? Can you establish their rule on the earth?" Job 38:31-33 RSV

The Bear is what we call the "Great Dipper," and it points unerringly to the north. (If you stay up all night in the open and observe the stars, you will see them wheel in an endless circle around the north.) So the Great Bear points to the north, and in Scripture the north is always seen as the seat of God, so that the whole universe seems to revolve around his throne. It is said...On earth, when a soul leaves the body, it journey's to the Big Dipper...rather, the northern most star, which I believe is "Polaris". Job is being questioned here as to how much he understands about this.

Now, even astronomy today does not understand this. There are mysterious objects in space we know nothing about. These great "black holes" are to us a puzzling, mysterious phenomenon that we have not begun to understand. So we cannot go much further than Job in the answering of these questions.

He goes on and on...referring to the treasures of the snow (Snowflakes, ever seen one through a microscope?) He mentions that in his storehouses of ice and snow...there is an energy that will be unleashed on the wicked at some obscure date in a future time...so evidently there is some kind of force or power behind the formation of hail, snow in the atmosphere, that scientists haven't got a clue about as of yet...and probably won't come close to figuring out.
Or, perhaps it has something to do with the polar regions of the earth...beneath the ice.

"Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow? or hast thou seen the treasures of the hail, which I have reserved against the time of trouble, against the day of battle and war?" Job 22-23

Moving on into Chapter 39...God continues his litigation, as if he has to, but he actually gets down and dirty with this crowd. The magnitude of power that is unfolded in these final books and the knowledge within, is astounding.

When my life is in turmoil, or if I find myself in doubt of Divine Providence..I always refer back to this book. Its a good therapy for "Ye of little faith"!

Another highly prominent figure in Old Testament scripture is Abraham. Abraham was also a shepherd, like Job, wealthy with flocks and herds. How is it that he was brought to the attention of the pharaoh of Egypt and the King of Gerar in his travels? Was it simply that Sarah, his wife, was so pretty? The Jewish records say that Abraham was learned in the science of astrology and with his elaborate knowledge of the heavens and their meanings he attracted the attention of these kings.

We know from the biblical record that God communicated with the shepherd Abraham many times, several times using the "stars" as a teaching vehicle. YAHWEH Himself directed Abraham's eyes toward the heavens, indirectly corroborating the Jewish oral tradition that says Abraham was a gifted astrologer.

"And he brought him forth abroad, and said, 'Look now toward heaven, and tell the stars, if thou be able to number them': and he said unto him, 'So shall thy seed be.'" Genesis 15:5

There are 12 signs of the zodiac...Christ had 12 disciples, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 months of the year, 12 hours in a day, 144,000 souls referenced in Revelation is 12 squared, ...Twelve is the number that is used very often in the bible...not 10, which is the number of fingers on our hand and basically a more logical number to use.

In the book of Revelation, there is this amazing verse..."And there appeared a great wonder in heaven, a woman clothed with the Sun, and the Moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars...and the woman fled into the wilderness, where she hath a place prepared by God, that they should feed her there a thousand and two hundred and threescore days." (Revelation 12:1-6). The last phrase refers to a time period that is 1,260 days long. That is an incredibly odd number of days to refer to.

It is my opinion, that the author of Revelation was referring to the solar eclipse cycle of 1260 years. Every solar eclipse repeats itself in the exact degree of the same sign every 1260 years. (You may validate this by looking at an ephemeris..) The Bible often equates a day for a year, which is another astrological reference because of the "day for a year" calculation of astrological progressions.

Where does the bible say a "day for a year"? In Ezekiel 4:6. God says "I have appointed thee each day for a year". This could be the reason why astrologers use the day for a year calculation for progressions....and it works!

There are hundreds upon hundreds of references to Astrology in the Bible, although some are obscure, except to biblical scholars.

And Electional Astrology and the Transits appear to be the background message when Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens. A time to be born, and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up....a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep and a time to cast away... A time to love an a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace".

These verses seem to say...that there is a correct time to do everything and if you choose the wrong time, you will not be successful.

Astrology and the Transits, along with "fortune telling, psychic work, etc.. are also the likely background when Ecclesiastes continues in chapter 9:11 with...I returned, and saw under the Sun, that the race is not to the swift, no the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all. For man also knoweth not his time; as the fishes that are taken in an evil net.."

These verses seem to say that everyone can have bad transits, and when they occur, you will not have the same abilities as when you did not have the transits....for example, if you were the swiftest runner normally, you will not be so swift when you have negative transits.

The points to an interesting thought...that the world would be completely different if there were no fluctuations in our abilities from day to day. Martina Navratilova would never lose a tennis match...and Sandy Koufax would always pitch a shutout, how boring...and unfair! You would never have a chance at beating someone who was better than you. But this is not the case... We have all defeated persons who were better. And we have all been beaten at something by a person who has inferior skills. The world is much better off with these ups and downs. It gives everyone a fighting chance and keeps almost everyone on top from getting to egotistical.

Copyright © Starmyste(Deborah Jean Nuckles)1998
Do not copy or reprint without express permission

The Madness

Flying on a comet through a star-sprinkled sky
Hiding in a space, behind my mind's eye.

Through slipping fingers and faces I fall,
Upon a black bed as I hear Death's call

Soothing as a lover's whisper, serene is all
Melancholic shadows waltz upon the wall.

No end to the madness, it must be fate,
To be imprisoned in the Jester's crate.

Yet I'm but a prisoner to my own demands
Poisoned milk and honey overflowing my land.

Behold! Dark Id, my greatest fear
Destroying me quietly, none can hear,

No one really knows, I'm not what I seem
How I long to trade places and dream what they dream

To embrace the future and discard the old
while I dance to the rhythm of my soul

In my soul embers lay dying,
I continue to live to keep on trying.

To fly on my Comet through the star-sprinkled sky,
And hide in this space, behind my minds eye.

© 1995 Deborah Nuckles
All Rights Reserved

Profile Of The Alcoholic Abuser

Profile Of Abuser -Domestic Violence

Look around you, maybe behind..in your past, your present..possibly your future. Somewhere, they appear. You read about them, Hollywood creates mega buck blockbusters depicting them. How sad...to profit by them. Yes, make them an icon..bring them to the publics eye..so they can leave the theatres saying..tis nothing but a movie! Stuff like that just doesn't happen.
A child is born into this world, in the purest sense..knowing neither good nor bad..knowing only love, divine love.. They sleep in a peaceful sleep most of the day, only requiring nourishment and maternal contact, and the sound of her voice upon awakening.. In remembrance of their prior home nestled in the womb. A safe place..drawing only nourishment and love. Listening to her sounds.... her voice, the music she plays during the day..Feeling her emotions..the ups and downs of her moods..they are at peace.
Children grow up so fast..and their little minds absorb so much of their environment. A Mother, in an abusive situation, becomes the elusive protectorate, always trying to redirect away from the children, standing in the line of fire. It seems to satisfy her need to protect, but thats all. She doesn't filter the pain, nor the inhuman hatred aimed at these babes, it only pierces her heart. It doesn't stop the attack on the psyche of the children.
All over the world, every minute some woman, child is being subjected to abuse. That is not to say that they are being beaten, physically abused. There are different types of abuse, but..abuse is abuse. A broken arm can be healed..a blackened bruised eye will fade..a lacerated lip..the same. Emotions, mental scars..can be permanently etched into ones psyche that can render the person an emotional cripple..a victim..a co-dependant. Constantly seeking out the same relationships..having become convinced that they are deserving of such treatment. This is not true.
No woman, nor child needs suffer at the hands of these creatures. They exist..in all walks of life. They are disguised as Engineers, Doctors, Lawyers, Deacons in Religious circles, Police Officers, Politicians, Teachers, laborers, Counselors..! Yes, they appear as normal citizens. They are ususally very tied to their work..which leaves them little time for their family. Their excuse is Universal..My job requires me to do this..If I dont do this someone will replace me that will..Can't attend the concert, have to work. Ahh yes..and they are usually substance abusers. Alcohol seems to be the predominant drug of choice for these mutants of society.
That is understandable to an extent..but it's not the quantitative factor that makes a difference concerning time with the family..In other words..a brief 15 minutes of letting someone know that you care for them, a hug, a few nice words..maybe a compliment even if undeserving, or about something that has been accomplished recently, a job well done..or just a smile..will work! That 15 minutes, is worth more than a whole day at some meaningless impersonal event..
These individuals have so little to say, and that which they do say is conducive to sarcasm and mindless verbal garbage. Their idea of conversation is argumentative in nature. An impersonal chat can suddenly turn into a quest for control. Their favorite verbal attack is usually to demean another person. Their ideas become the only ideas that are correct, and if you disagree, you may as well leave it alone. They will stand up and shake their finger at you..or fly into a rage to try and convince you. Blackouts, they come frequently...and are unforgettable, except by the abuser, especially after an alcohol binge.. You wake up with the memory of the events transpiring the night before...something they cannot remember nor relate to! Madness...sheer madness!
They have little time for their wives, except for their own self gratification. She is just a mindless object to them, placed here for their own satisfaction. She is not allowed to have a life other than what they deem is proper and fitting. The children become the monsters rival, for they need their Mother to help replace the love that he refuses to provide them with. They become a target, an obstacle to him, that he feels must be removed. They are attacked for their every word, thought and deed. Pay no attention to the hurt look, the head hung low. They are accused of hanging onto their Mother, she is all they have. She has to be strong, and able to give that love, for they are sustained through her. If you cannot add to a person, don't take away from them.
Friends have always played an integral part in her life. Friends and family seemed to always migrate to her. Her life radiated around friends, for she never meets a stranger. This is not a part of his life, for he has no friends, nor does he acknowledge family ties. He makes every attempt to create an environment that nobody wants to enter into. Through his own selfish, insulting, sarcastic mannerisms, he makes enemies out of her family and friends. He is vividly transparent and shys away from people for that reason.
Friends, family that were once an important part of the childrens life keep their distance to avoid him, and the babes suffer more. He creates an environment, where he is center icon, and everyone else revolves around him. He must be the center of their Universe..anything else will be crushed. Everyone gives him this power. All of his trials and misfortunes become theirs, and the blame is placed on them, never himself. The ultimate Loser, never accepting responsibility for his actions, striking out at those who care for him, until there is nothing left. Who does he blame when there is no one left to blame?

Her home becomes a prison, not unbearable, as she has learned to adapt. An awareness occurs within her and she refuses to be a part of his world. She finds a quiet place. A place that she can be herself without limitations, criticisms, restrictions. She writes, paints, reads, anything to escape awaiting that proverbial moment, that she focuses on in the near future.

She knows that her escape from the formidable creature is inevitable, and when the time is right, it will happen. Her withdrawal causes much conflict with the relationship for he is losing control and fights back. He attacks the children, desperately grasping for them, cluthing their little souls..to satisfy his need to be in control.

They break free and run for the shelter of their friends when he is around and return to their Mother when he is gone..Only one child remains..the child that has been scarred the deepest. He stands by his Mother, and is willing to face this demented souless creature.

He attacks the child, knowing that he will get the desired reponse from her. He battles with her for control, explosive, demeaning... violent..breaking irreplacable keepsakes from her Mother, destructive...verbally abusing the child that stayed to watch over her. Anything to hurt, inflict pain. Ah Sweet Mystery of Life...This is the cycle of death and rebirth. Death is destruction of the old..making way for the new!

Her friends, family see it differently and condemn her..they try to rush her, to get out, forsaking everything else..oblivious to all of the circumstances, causing confusion within. She hides the fact that she has friends, as he takes that as an infringment on his right to control... Her friends become her paramours... He never accepts blame...nor does he allow any reproach to his best friend, Booze! He nurtures and protects his friend with his soul...allowing nothing to cause separateness in the relationship...he consumes...it consumes....pitiful!

She wants to do as they say, but she also knows that she must listen to another voice. She knows that her life is at a critical place in time, and there is no room for error at this juncture. In frustration and bewilderment, she strikes out at them for not understanding.

She remembers the past, and is aware of the results of impulsive actions, for each day reminds her. If we don't learn from past mistakes, we are apt to repeat them.. Although she suffers the loss of those friends who have turned from her, she realizes that it is all a necessary part of the cycle. A true friend, will respect her decisions even if in conflict with their own.
People say..Get out! Why is she staying there? Fear becomes an essential part of her makeup. She knows what is outside these prison walls, because she has dealt indirectly with it..through the abuser. She knows that she must be prepared to break out. No prisoner is allowed to leave until he is able to face society.

She goes through all the motions of being the strong woman..so many years of being a Mother..dealing with trivialities such as school projects, PTA, keeping a house in order, taking care of the bills, the problems, budgeting, ahh...yes and taking care of the abuser. The Abuser..who creates problems and refuses to face them..once more..she finds herself in the direct line of fire, trying to repair what it is that has been broken, not out of love, but out of preservation, the need to survive. She is there always to fix, repair, solve, heal and mend.
She returns to her special place within her prison walls. The coolness of the walls, feels good to her. Yes, the demons are there but her soul is strong and can flick them away with one gesture.. It is there that she finds solace. She is with her soul, and they begin to create, learn, understand and experience joy. She is always seeking and learning. He would take away her hunger for knowledge and replace it with nothingness.

Is it an escape..or is she merely awaiting the proverbial moment? Is she learning what she needs to survive alone..with her babes? In the aloneness of her time, she listens for Gods whisper.

Awaiting the moment, when she as the phoenix once again emerges from the fiery depths...to take flight..and she knows that her waiting is drawing nigh to the end. For all good things come to those that wait!

© 1995 Deborah Nuckles

All Rights Reserved

Arani, Dance!

Arani, Dance!

arani arises quietly and imagines her Master's presence in the room. She centers herself and prepares for the dance, she takes a few deep slow breaths and whispers quietly to the watching crowd... "arani will now dance the sa-eela for her beloved Master."

arani moves quietly to the center of the room... a look of melancholy and loneliness seems to appear in her grey eyes... she falls softly to the floor and lies curled up catlike.

Her hands reach out as if touching walls... near walls... the walls of her kennel... she is cold and in need, she writhes about in the small confine, frustrated, lonely...hungering for him..

She hears a noise... startled, she lifts her head as if listening to a command.. she quickly arises to her feet, leaving the confines...her twinkling grey-green eyes suddenly filled with hope as she is released from her kennel into the pen... without hesitation, she prepares herself skillfully but quickly for her Master...

Her movements suggesting the application of scented oil and cosmetics.. she brushes her long blonde tresses encouraging a illustrious shine...and bends over quickly, letting her hair fall forward, then snaps her head back gently, allowing her hair to fall naturally around her shoulders...

She makes A quick check to be sure that her eyes are well defined..and moistens her violet lips..She chooses his favorite fragrance and applies it sparingly..paying particular attention to the pulse points of her body.

Twirling about in her finery, .. her diaphanous green silks caress her body, complimenting every curve. ... She touches her collar, glistening around her neck..and smiles..thinking of him..She is ready for her Master.

She glances around her then moves from one side of the pen to the other in frustration, there is no Master. She is still confined and alone. She drops to the ground with tears in her eyes...her blonde hair spilling around her...

Again..she hears a noise... she listens as it comes closer... she lifts her head, hands outstretched pitifully... eyes pleading to be acknowledged... suddenly she backs away, frightened, as her pen is opened...

She kneels in the position of a nadu pleasure slave..slender ankles crossed...her creamy thighs parted widely to the Master's viewing pleasure....her back and shoulders straight...her full chest is thrust forward, breasts well defined, pushing at the silken fabric...belly in...hands on her thighs ...palm up...her head is up, revealing his collar.. with lowered gaze.

The Masters approach is near... she flinches as if struck by the cat, whimpering softly, she once more assumes her position, listening to their commands, her slave heart racing wildly.

arani rises then with her wrists together behind her as if they have been bound... she moves quickly around the room bent over with small hurried steps... as if she is being lead to the performing area...

She falls to the floor as if flung... a soft whimper escapes her violet lips... her shimmering green silks loosen and slip from her, revealing her naked body.

She has but one desire..to please her Master...

She rises gracefully once more, this time her wrists have been released... she lifts her arms above her gracefully assuming a dancers starting position. Her grey eyes peek out from long lashes scanning the room until her eyes meet her Masters dark eyes.. a soft smile forms upon her face.

She listens as the room fills with the enchanting melody, and with slow subtle movements, she starts her dance.

arani arches her back, and allows her head to fall back gracefully in one fluid movement,the beauty of her collar exposed as it nestles snugly around her neck, her glistening blonde curls splashing over her shoulders gently caressing the small of her back. Hips undulating almost of their own volition... the erotic melody enraptures her, further igniting the passion begging to be released.

arani dances before the Masters in the room, her naked body glistening with sweat... her movements sensual...seductive... her frustrated wanton passion escaping and permeating the room...

She closes her eyes as her movements blend with the music... her slender hands lightly caress her full upturned breasts,.. cupping them as in offering... startled by her actions, she gasps and spins away in another direction...

Arani dances, her body enflamed with desire... the desire to please... the desire to be taken... the desire to be Mastered fully ... the desire to yield to him, her frustration releasing energies that cause her to dance as she never has before... she sinks to her knees at the feet of the one who owns her... her grey eyes pleading...

She rolls to the floor, writhing before him, displaying to him a hint of the sweetness and depth of her essence, her soul briefly exposed to him through the depth of her eyes.....

Arani crawls to him, her pink nipples hard, swollen, aroused.... graze upon the cold stone... her body on fire, burning intensely with a slaves passion...she pulls her self to her knees, her head rising last, with a swirl of her blonde, loose curls ..

Lilac moistened lips pouted and inviting...thighs slightly parted... unaware of the ravenous need she presents to the Master... knowing only her frustration within... she moans softly...

Suddenly, she bends forward, impulsively, as if she lost control of herself, with hands on the floor, head down.. kisses the tiles at his feet...she looks up at him wantonly. and arises slowly, gracefully..her eyes fixed upon him.

arani sways sensually to the music, lost in her dance.. lost in her passion.. she whimpers softly in her highly aroused state, as the music filters through the room in a mesmerising erotic rhythm.. and climbs in intensity to a climax...

She casts her graceful body to the stone floor, upon her back, her tanned legs flexed, back arching, hips slightly rising upward, in invitation to be used by her Master.

She looks to him..her gaze fixed upon his ebony eyes.. her slender hand reaches out to him... beckoning... her dance subsides..

arani emerges gracefully from the floor, her breathing rapid, slave heart racing... she smiles to those in the room silently thanking them for allowing her to dance, then takes her place on the furs.

© 1995 Deborah Nuckles All Rights Reserved

Origins

What If?

Were we visited on earth thousands of years ago by a highly evolved culture that ushered in mankind's first New Age of scientific growth and spiritual enlightenment? Were these visitors the Creators and Enslavers of the human race?
Twentieth Century UFO's were rarely reported in the mass media before 1947, as most people believe them to be a relatively modern phenomenon. Quite the opposite, as they have been reported for thousands of years, all over the world. Julius Obsequens reproduced the following account from 206 B.C. in his book, [Prodigorium liber]
Things like ships were seen in the sky over Italy......At Arpi In Italy, a round shield was seen in the sky...At Capua, the sky was all on fire, and one saw figures like ships.
Who controls human destiny? Do the world's major religions teach the truth.......or have they all been subtly corrupted?
The idea that we were once a slave race owned by an extra-terrestrial society is not really a new concept. It was noted thousands of years ago in mankind's earliest civilizations. The first of those civilizations was SUMERIA, a highly advanced society which existed in the Tigris-Euphrates river valley between 5000 and 4000 B.C and by 3500 B.C. and flourished as a major civilization.
Archaeological finds show that Sumeria left records revealing human-like creatures of extra-terrestrial origin had ruled early human society as earth's first Monarchs. Those alien people were often thought of as GODS. Some Sumerian GODS were said to travel into the skies and through the heavens in flying globes and rocketlike vehicles.
The Book Of Ezekiel is filled with visions and encounters with what appears to be celestial beings. The first vision, is that of a divine chariot, better known as The MERKABAH, in Kabballistic circles. It is one of the most extraordinary accounts of a UFO witnessed in ancient times.
The detailed technical description of the Chariot and the manner in which it could move about..in any direction as well as up and down, has puzzled bible scholars from the past up until modern times, and has become a part of the Mysteries in the Jewish Kabballah, whose study was limited to only knowing initiates. The word dream does not appear in the Book of Ezekiel, only the word vision. The heavens opened up and I saw divine visions. The term used in the Hebrew is actually Elohim visions. The Elohim, have been referred to as the Greys, Annunaki, Nefilim, no matter what name, Ezekiel's vision was considered Divine presence..GOD
Ancient carvings depict several of these GODS wearing gogglelike apparel over their eyes. Human priests acted as mere intermediaries between the alien GODS and the human population.
According to the history found inscribed on Mesopotamian tablets, there was a time when human beings did not exist at all. Earth was inhabited by members of another species from another civilization, from another world. In other words, Aliens from another planet. They were called brilliant ones, workers of wonders. Date estimates of the arrival of these visitors have been computed by Sitchin using the dates of Berossus' arrival of OANNES, approximately right at 445,000 years ago. Based on the findings concerning the approximated age of the Cydonia Complex on Mars this date fits very close. For the sake of those skeptical, I will use the word visitor instead of aliens.
One of the mysteries of the world's megaliths, that has been noted, is their closeness to mining sites. Statues depicting men with one gold hand which could relate them to Lords of Metal. The Serpent in the book of Genesis is referred to as Nahash, meaning he who knows secrets, and also he who knows Copper. The Lord in the bible is occasionally referred to as one who knows where the hidden places of metal in the mountains. In Job 28:1 it reads Surely there is a vein for the silver, and a place for the gold.
These visitor's lives on earth was not pleasant to say the least, and their efforts to exploit the mineral and natural resources on earth was quite backbreaking. One tablet reads:
When the Gods like men
Bore the Work and suffered the toil
The toil of the Gods was great,
The work was heavy, the distress was much
The tablets go on to describe a life of endless misery as these GODS carried out building, excavation and mining operations on Earth. Even as Gods, they were prone to complaining, backstabbing, and rebellion against their leaders. A solution was needed, and it was found:Lets create a new creature capable of doing all this work...ENTER HOMO SAPIENS!
The Mesopotamian tablets then tell of Gods who put Gods to death and the Blood was mixed with clay. Suffice it to say, that man was in his first evolutionary stage at that time. Supposedly, the demolished planet Tiamat, which is referred to in the book of Job, had enough DNA material from its previous life to begin life anew, and more than likely that Tiamat wasn't the original home of the Annunaki with Mars being their temporary home away from home when Tiamat rocked.
Several attempts were made to create the perfect slave out of various animals, which ended up with hideous, mutants that were not good for anything and had to be destroyed. Let us make Adamu in our image, as we see in the outline of genesis Let us make man in our image, which shows God referring to himself as plural. He was a race of people....the Annunaki,who are referred to biblically as either angels or the sons of god.
An experiment was performed by their Chief Medical personnel, EN.KI and NIN.TI, who produced a Lulu, the first man out of a mix of Annunaki material and the more primitive human native to Earth. The end result were referred to in the Sumerian Texts as the Black Headed people, who were used as mining slaves. The terms used in the Creation texts appear quite scientific, referring to moulding the essence of the Anunnaki with the egg of their wombs, purifying it in a bath, and creating an eventual bond, and the glyphs accompanying them show laboratories with vases like test tubes, cauldrons of fire, etc. Their most complex phrase for the process was the special attention paid to that which houses that which binds the memory, a pretty good description of our terminology Genes.
The new earth creature, or Lulu, meaning the mixed one, as they were referred to is quite similar in appearance to these GODS. There is but a shadow of the truth scattered in the book of Genesis. This clay possibly served as a concoction similar to the clinical Petrie Dish providing a stable environment to be placed into the womb of the Surrogate Goddess/Alien Mother. One can only surmise of the visitors highly advanced knowledge of Recombinant DNA procedures, InVitro fertilization,etc. Of which we have just recently moved out of the infancy stage with the much widely publicized cloning of the Sheep, Dolly.
The GOD credited with the supervision of this Genetic engineering was called EA. He was reported to be the son of a GOD KING who ruled another planet in the GODS empire. His name found in the records was EN.KI which means Prince (Lord) of Earth. The Ancient Sumerian texts state that the title of Ea is not entirely correct, as it appears that he lost his dominion over major portions of the earth to his half brother EN.LIL during a conflict.
EN.KI, was also given credit for many other accomplishments. If he was a real person, he could be best described as a Scientist, and a Civil Engineer of considerable talent. It is written that he was said to have drained marshes by the Persian Gulf and to have replaced them with fertile agricultural land. In other words, he had immense knowledge.
EN.KI demonstrated a good grasp of Genetic Engineering, but not according to the tablets, without trial and error. He was also described as goodhearted, at least to his creation, HOMO SAPIENS. He became their leader, teaching them all the finer arts of civilization as well as their work and craft. He taught them brickmaking, construction, and metallurgy. He spoke on their behalf and opposed the cruelties that many of the other GODS to include his brother ENLIL, had inflicted upon them. EN.KI didn't intend for them to be harshly treated, but his wishes were disregarded by the other leaders.
The demand for the black-headed people became too great for the Annunaki to produce on a regular basis, since they had to be individually birthed using surrogate Moms, and the process was as painful as any childbirth. Eventually, the slave-people were given the gift of KNOWING, i.e., self-reproduction. EN-KI appears to have been the one to let the slaves in on this little secret, making him the "SERPENT IN THE GENESIS GARDEN". As a sentence for passing on this knowledge, he was to work in the mines for the rest of his days--Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed...upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life as Genesis 3:14 tells us.
EN.KI, as the serpent, is no surprise, for his symbol, later the symbol of THOTH/HERMES and used today by the Medical Profession, is two intertwined serpents around a winged rod Caduceus, which by appearance alone suggests the DNA molecule.
Also, in the sentence was that his seed should be at war, enmity with the woman's seed, which implies race or tribal warfare. It is a possibility that EN.KI was also known as the God we recognize as Hephaestus or Vulcan from Greek and Roman Mythology. Hephaestus was thrown out of heaven by his mother, explaining the enmity between thee and the woman. He lived in the mines beneath the earth as the artificer of the gods, famous for the permanent limp caused by his fall from heaven. That limp, attributed to his fall from grace was also a feature never lacking in Mediaeval dramatic portrayals of the Devil.
My apologies to those of you who are Bible students, and which find this contradictory, however, the text of Scripture is a condensation of far more extensive Sumerian and other Mesopotamian Creation texts, that predated it by thousands of years. The reason God first creates mankind, then repents of having done it, then goes on to decree his destruction in the flood, and yet preserves a remnant, is because he is not perfect. He is a Council, A Society of coeval GODS, explaining how it is that actions occur without his awareness though he is suppose to be omniscient. God has to find out that man has disobeyed him, and eaten of the Tree of knowledge, he has to find out just what happened to Abel, not knowing when he arrived that Cain had killed him. He sends angels, indistinguishable from men, to find out if things are as Rockin in Sodom And Gomorrah as the angels have heard through the grapevine. So...when you get right down to the bare facts..the same God who created man, can also be the serpent in the Garden Of Eden cursed by God. There is more than one of Him, and they have not always been in agreement about what to do with us, Mankind since our creation.
According to modern day analyses of the fossil record..HOMO SAPIENS emerged as a distinct animal species somewhere between 300,000 B.C. and 700,000 B.C. As time went on, a number of sub-species of HOMO SAPIENS emerged, including that sub-species that all human beings belong today: HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS. They appeared a mere 30,000 years ago. Some say only 10,000 to 20,000 years ago.
Were the Sumerians referring to HOMO SAPIENS or HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS? If these Mesopotamian creation stories are based upon actual events, and if those stories refer to HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS, it would be impossible not to expect HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS to have appeared very suddenly in history.
Anthropological records reveal that HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS appeared on Earth abruptly not gradually. In other words, The puzzle of Darwin's missing link could be solved.
F. Clark Howell and T.D. White of the University of California at Berkely had this to say:
These people (Homo Sapiens Sapiens) and their initial material culture appear with seeming suddenness just over 30,000 years ago, probably earlier in eastern than in Western Europe.
Along with this mystery, another pops up into view.. NEANDERTHAL MAN (HOMO SAPIENS NEANDERTHALENSIS). He vanished at the same time modern HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS appeared. Evolution is not that fast! Howell and White explored this avenue and stated: "...the utter, almost abrupt disappearance of Neanderthal peoples are an important problem to which there is unfortunately no clear solution.
The Sumerian creation stories do offer a clear solution, but at the same time, it is one that many people would have a difficult time accepting. Man can be so blind. The sudden appearance of HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS, and the abrupt disappearance of NEANDERTHAL man was caused by intelligent intervention. What did they do with NEANDERTHAL man, exterminate him, haul him off to another galaxy, to make room for the new SLAVE race, to prevent breeding between the two subspecies?
Whatever the truth might be, we do know two facts beyond everything else. Modern Anthropology has discovered a sudden replacement for Neanderthal man with modern man, and the Mesopotamian records state that intelligent planning by an extra-terrestrial race was involved.

The correlations are there, between the events that shaped our civilization millions of years ago, and the signature of these visitors is indelibly written in stone. We need only seek.
Seek and ye shall find, and the truth shall set you free.


Copyright © 1997 Deborah Nuckles
All rights reserved. Please do not copy or reprint without express
permission

Sea Of Darqueness

Sea Of Darqueness

I opened my eyes and the vision appeared,
Clothed in sweet mystery, not to be feared.
From off the horizon, into my view,
A darque barge appeared, a helmsman, no crew.
Somewhere from the deep, a voice beckoned me
To join the voyage, on this darque threatening sea.
Turbulent sea of suffering, chaotic currents abound,
A cold wind of silence, the only sound.
In the distance, a shadowy shape took form,
Deep in the midst, of a fiery, spiraling storm.
The epitome of suffering, chaos, and pain,
Beaten, scorched, and spat on, by the hellish rain.
One lonely surfer, riding waves Of flame
No one feels their passion, no one knows their pain.
Lost in heavens glory, cast below in gloom,
Wandering aimlessly for aeons,
Seeking freedom from their hellish doom.

Copyright © 1998 Deborah Nuckles-Honea
All rights reserved. Please do not copy or reprint without express
permission